The Eyes Have It

You know how I was always saying “No matter what, I will never give up blogging”? I came so close to it, I feel like a liar. Like most people dealing with the pandemic, I feel like the ground has shifted under my feet. Absolutely nothing in my life feels under my control. I’m sure that’s just me being overly dramatic and there must be something I have a handle on. I just can’t think of a thing right now. Most of it has to do with an exceptional amount of stress I seem unable to relinquish. Something as simple as the amount and type of food I put in my body sounds like something I should be able to control. I used to be able to. At least to a point. I have always overeaten, mostly because food tastes delicious. But I was able to stop. Now the more out of control things feel in my life, the more I soothe myself with food. I guess the fact that I recognize I’ve been doing this is a good thing. However, I’ve gained enough weight that my XL t-shirts are skin tight and have just become a casing for my multiple fat rolls. 😣 This isn’t a post on weight (which someday I’ll have to delve into) but a confirmation of my state of mind. I am disgusted with myself and pretty much every aspect of my life. I came up with a project for the New Year that I was excited about but have been hitting all kinds of dead ends. I will get into that in a future blog post. I am going to try to use a couple of lunch times a week to write and see if I can find any solutions. Right now, I am just trying to not give up. On my new endeavor and literally everything else. If you follow me on social media, you know I have pretty much given that up. I still follow people but rarely post. Like less than once a month. I worry and overthink everything. I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life and not interacting the way I want to.

When I woke up on Monday December 6th, I had a long floater over my right eye. I didn’t think much of it. It stayed with me all day and I woke up with it again the next day. Then I started noticing a darkness in that eye as well. As the day wore on, I was getting a bit panicked. I had just moved a bunch of books I have on Etsy to the cupboards in the basement. I had sold a book and went down to look for it. It was so dark I couldn’t see very well even with the flashlight on my phone (best invention ever!). I ended up going through the books like 4 times and couldn’t find the book and ended up having to give a refund. Tuesday night I was starting to think I better get my butt to an eye doctor in case it was serious. For decades I’ve been going to Lens Crafters for an exam and glasses.  The Lens Crafters at our mall had closed up but even so, I thought I should see a REAL doctor. I looked on Yelp and there were several local eye doctors with good ratings. I decided on the one that Greg knew the location of. He had gone to that building twice for root canals. So Wednesday morning Dec. 8th, I called Park Ridge Vision to see if they could get me in. Surprisingly, they said to come right away!

Dr. Dan Press is a younger guy (30’s) and very nice. His office is big and he has many assistants who did the photos and testing of my eyes. He explained things and told me I had a tear in my retina and some of the vitreous fluid had leaked out which was the darkness. People who are excessively nearsighted are most apt to get this. He said if it wasn’t repaired, it would get worse and my retina would detach and could lead to blindness. A scary prospect, indeed! He said he would refer me to a retina surgeon who could do laser surgery. He went in another room and called him and then came in and said they would get me in today. I had to wait for their call and if they didn’t call in an hour’s time to call him and he’d call them again. So as we drove home, Illinois Retina called and said to come right in. So we drove to Skokie and had to fill out paperwork and wait around for a few hours. I had my eyes dilated (3 times total that day and they stayed dilated until the next day!) and Dr. Zac Savage came in. Doesn’t that sound like a SuperHero name?! He’s a SuperHero to me! His waiting room was jam packed and he said the surgery wouldn’t take more than a few minutes but he couldn’t do it until the end of the day. Maybe 5:30 pm or so. I couldn’t understand why if we were already there, he didn’t just do it. Then I realized that insurance had to approve it first. I bet it was thousands of dollars. Later I found out the office people spent an hour and a half on the phone with Blue Cross/Blue Shield to get it approved. So we went home for 3 1/2 hours and I was about to crawl out of my skin. I had no idea what the surgery would be like. We got a call from their office at 5 pm saying they were running behind and not to come until 6 pm. So we got there and still had to wait about 15 minutes and then the surgery was short and sweet. They put numbing drops in so you feel nothing. I imagined the laser was the size of a pen but it was like a huge, thick camera lens. I expected my eye to be held open with a metal device out of Clockwork Orange but the doctor just used his gloved thumb and forefinger to hold my eye open. He told me which direction to look (up and to the right mostly) and you would look into this greenish yellow light. It was such a relief to have it over. He said it would take “awhile” for the floater and darkness to go away. I had no clue if “awhile” was hours, days, weeks, months?!

I went home and the next day I got a call from Dr. Press asking how I was and how the surgery went. He is just the nicest! I plan to go get a true examination and new glasses from him after my followup with the Retina Surgeon on Thurs. Jan. 6th.

It took 10 days before I even noticed a little improvement. The past 2 days it’s better but the floater isn’t completely gone. I feel optimistic that it will be healed by the time I go back. In any case, I’m happy that I didn’t need the more involved retina reattachment surgery. I have since looked it up and it is not a walk in the park. I never realized how many people have eye problems. I have run into quite a few since then in person and online.

What else is coming up? Tomorrow we are giving blood. Next week another trip to the vet with our sick dog (this is a whole blog post in itself) and then dental cleanings the same day as the checkup on my eye. I hope to be back with a blog post before the end of the year. Hang in there! 👍

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Quarantine Babblings

Today has been an interesting day already. While out walking the dogs, we saw a guy pushing a baby in a stroller and his young son was riding a bicycle behind him on the sidewalk. For some reason, a square of the sidewalk near the corner was filled with wet asphalt like the road would be patched with. The father should have maneuvered everyone around that but instead went through. The son on the bike got stuck. He left the stroller a short distance ahead with the dog’s leash tied to it. He went back and pushed his son onto the regular sidewalk and looked back. We were walking up from the side and saw the whole thing. The dog was starting to pull towards the kid on the bike and the stroller had completely flipped in mid-air with the baby hovering a foot from the ground (face first). The guy had amazing reflexes and grabbed the stroller and righted it before any harm came to the strapped in baby! I kind of gasped but kept walking. Most people walking would’ve stopped and just stared. I didn’t want to make things worse so we kept going.

 

Then about half a block later, 2 giant black labs charged us on the sidewalk. I know black labs come in smaller sizes too but these were like Great Dane size. They just kept circling us and barking. Ivy was so scared she was ready to lunge and take a bite out of them. My husband didn’t handle it too well and started yelling at me. Which in turn made me yell at him to yell at the people who let their dogs loose, not me. He wanted me to take the dogs down the street and he was going to round up the dogs. I told him take them down the street because I knew I had to have words with the owner. He left with the dogs and I saw the door of the house we were in front of open and a kid let one of the dogs in. The other was running around yet and finally went to the door and was let in. I told the kid, “I need to talk to your mom or dad.” I wasn’t mean because it’s not the kid’s fault. I waited a few minutes and then the mom came out. It was just as well because I calmed down and was able to talk without being upset. I told her why I was unhappy because of the past attacks and how it’s ruined my dogs. She was nice enough to listen and she apologized. She said with the kids home, they weren’t used to shutting the gate. I told her I knew it was a terrible time now and she had her hands full with all her kids home and I wasn’t trying to make her life harder but I  had to say something. She actually made me feel better instead of worse. I told her, “Don’t let it ruin your day. I’m over it, you be over it, too.”  I’m starting to think if it happens a few more times, I won’t even blink an eye, I will be so used to it.

 

We are coming up on 6 weeks since I’ve been home and hubby is finishing up his 5th week of working from home. He wore me down and last Sat. we ordered breakfast food from the Sunrise Grill just down the street. They give you a vat of scrambled eggs, 6 strips of bacon, 6 sausages, 6 French toast, 4 waffles, 6 pancakes and hash browns or $20. We gave them a $5 tip. It was a good deal but the food was mediocre at best. Maybe we’ll order out again in another 5 weeks. 

 

I’ve been cooking up a storm. Since I last posted I made homemade mushroom soup and spinach soup. Both were delicious. My next soups to try making are carrot and asparagus (separately). We went out to the grocery store on Sunday and stocked up again. We’d been out of bread and milk for a week. Tonight I’ll make a hot dish with ground veal and pasta and some vegetables. I’ve made banana bread once. Everyone online seems to be making sourdough bread. I’ve always wanted to make a starter from scratch and try it. We’ll see if I’m brave enough to give it a go.

 

We’re up to the end of Season 6 in the Walking Dead. I’m enjoying it more all the time. I have a ton of other things I want to watch on Netflix too. I don’t know how people get so much watched. Maybe they’re watching all day, too. We only watch in the evenings. We try to get some book reading in every afternoon.

 

2 days ago I was due to run out of my blood pressure medicine. I usually go to the doctor every April for a checkup and to get the prescription. We had just gone on Oct. 30th so I called on Monday April 13th to the doctor’s office. I had had the pharmacy try to get it refilled and the doctor’s office had declined. I told them I just needed a medication refill, I had nothing “wrong” with me that warranted a doctor’s visit. The nurse talked to the doctor and said, “He wants to see you!” I said, “I REALLY, REALLY don’t want to come in while there’s a pandemic going on!!” His office is in hospital for goodness sake. That didn’t matter, I had to come in. Greg needed to go to since he’d need a refill on one of his in the next few weeks. I was almost in tears. I didn’t think I was being unreasonable AT ALL!! We have had nothing but trouble with this doctor and he’s cause us so much grief. I don’t want to change doctors but will. I looked all over the internet and did a bunch of reading on doctor’s ratings, etc and found one we like in Lincolnwood. It’s not that close but it may be worth it. Unfortunately, no doctor in his right mind is taking on new patients right now. Most aren’t seeing the patients they already have unless it’s urgent. I was even toying with the idea of going off blood pressure meds for awhile but then worried I’d have a stroke or heart attack!! 

 

So we caved and went in last Tues. April 14th. When you go in the hospital, they take your temperature and give you a mask to wear. We were already wearing gloves. The doctor wouldn’t give me a paper prescription which is what I wanted. He said he’d send it in electronically to the pharmacy. Instead when we went to pick it up, he’d sent in the wrong one. He had our blood drawn and then the nurse called on Thurs. with results. My thyroid has gotten worse since taking the medication. I was on 25 micrograms Tirosint Solution and now he’s got me going up to 50. My thyroid is interactive and a year ago when diagnosed, it was 4.94 or something and now it’s 5.95. It makes no sense that the higher the number, the more inactive. It is supposed to be under 4. So then he only calls in one month and I needed 3 because of insurance cost. Finally got it picked up yesterday. No refills on either that or the blood pressure meds!! What an a-hole! He wants to see us in 3 months. (Vomit emoji)

 

Yesterday our city announced that everyone needs to wear a face mask in public. I only have the one from the hospital and need to get a fabric one. I was looking online and it’s so hard to choose without being able to touch or try them on. My first instinct is to go funny. But the selections are limited so maybe I’ll have to go floral. It really looks like face masks are going to be the norm for months after the country opens up. Cook County where we live is one of the hot spots in the country yet with the town next to ours, Des Plaines, having the most cases. 6 weeks ago when they said masks were optional, I took them at their word. I dislike having anything over my face. Hubby is used to his c-pap so it doesn’t bother him. My sinuses are such a hot mess, I can never breathe well. I had sinus surgery in 1996 to remove a polyp and enlarge my sinuses. It did no good. Decides ago I gave up taking any sinus meds, over the counter or prescription.

 

Today is my mom’s birthday. If she were alive, she’d be 99. I miss her terribly but feel like she is slipping away. Memories of her are harder to access. She’s still the only person I feel is 100% always on my side. Not having that in my life anymore is very noticeable. I rarely get DMs (direct messages) on Instagram. Lately I’ve gotten 2 different people on my original (almost abandoned) account (@ynotkissme) trying to talk to me. 2 guys who I had to block. I usually just block random creeps without saying anything. This time I tried to see if they just wanted conversation. I’m pretty sure it’s never conversation… One asked my name and when I told him, he said “that’s my grandmother’s name”. First off, no one else in the world has the name Chrisor. It just filled me with a great deal of sadness to know that someone has to lie like that. 

 

I got the phone number of a couple who we used to see at estate sales. The one running the sales is friends with them and us. I haven’t seen Pete and Ruth since about Oct. 2018! They are in their 80’s, I would say she’s 85 and he’s 87. I can pretty much talk to anybody but some people I just feel like we get along like a house on fire. Ruth started talking to me a few years before my mom died. She would ask how my mom was and what was new with us. A lot of the people who go to estate sales are standoffish but Ruth was friendly as am I. Ruth’s mother is 113 years old! It’s amazing to me. Anyway, we would go way early to a certain sale just to hang out with this old couple. They’d come early and we’d visit for like an hour. Then they fell into ill health and stopped coming. I would ask the one running the sale and she’d tell me how they were. Finally she gave me their number and I called on Monday. We didn’t talk long but it was so nice to hear her voice again. They’ve both had surgery and are recovering and stuck home like the rest of us. I hope to someday see them again. 

 

Hope everyone is hanging in there and staying healthy and safe!

 

‘

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Fake It ’til You Make It

Due to the weather, circumstances and how I’ve been feeling, I haven’t been in the mood to blog for MONTHS. In fact, I was to the point where I was seriously wondering if I would ever return to it. It felt foreign, unnecessary and ridiculous for me to blog anymore. Yes, I can’t believe it myself. I’m the one who always said, “No matter who quits blogging, I will always be here. You can count on it. I’ll be doing this as long as I live, hopefully into old age.” In a world where EVERYTHING is being shared on social media, I don’t feel like sharing ANYTHING. Mostly because I’m convinced no one cares. The blogs I followed and left feedback on (aka: the people I felt I was “friends with”), would cease to exist, often without any fanfare. They would just be gone one day. Either the blogger never returned or more likely, they wiped every trace of a blog that they had religiously wrote on for many years. They didn’t give a second thought to their readers or even said goodbye.

 

I have pretty much disconnected from everyone I’ve ever known. I had a few remnants of friendship from my postal job which I have discarded. My so-called distant relatives have scurried into the dark crevices, my husband’s family we seldom hear from, the list goes on. My husband is able to cut through the crap and figure things out in a quick manner. He immediately knows why we don’t hear from people— BECAUSE THEY DON’T NEED ANYTHING FROM US. As soon as they do, they will waste no time getting ahold of us. Who wants that kind of relationship where there is no mutual admiration or enjoyment of being together, it’s all about WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?! Sigh.

 

I feel the same thing happening on Instagram. Unless you have a lot of followers, people don’t want to bother with you. Unless you can be shelling out constant compliments and attention their way, they have no use for you. A friend I had from slams recently gave up the Internet. She’s no longer online and doesn’t have a cellphone. She’s older (65) and doesn’t seem to miss it. I thought long and hard and realized I could easily go back to being without both (except for selling online). I don’t feel I get that much out of it and it keeps me from experiencing what’s going on right under my nose. My husband would never go along with it so I may as well keep it.

 

I’ve always been terrible at “following through” with things. As a child, if I started a diary, I would lose interest and it would end up mostly blank. The same goes for “journaling” as a young adult. Maybe one or two entries and I would “forget” or just no longer feel I had time for it. This is one reason I never got into “planners”. They’re a current fad that is extremely attractive to me. I love anything to do with paper and creativity. However, I would bet everything I own that I could not stick to it. Apparently, this is a fatal character flaw. 

 

So I wrote this post up to this point a month ago. I didn’t publish it, I published about the dog attack instead. I let this sit and see if It still held true. It does. Also I have to say how everything seems like too much effort for me anymore: writing emails, blog posts, commenting on Instagram posts, answering the phone, taking pictures, posting to Instagram, cooking, etc. These are all things I LOVED. Now it’s like pulling teeth to do any of them. I’m back in a funk. Or maybe I never left. This is the first year we haven’t had a garden. I couldn’t get excited about even going to pick out the plants (which was always my favorite part), let alone planting them in the ground and watering them. EFFORT. Not sure how to get out of this. Maybe the solution is to force myself to do things. Fake it ’til you make it type of thing. I’m not a good faker though. Never was. I guess it’s something to aspire to…

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Hallelujah

Today is one year since my mom died. It seems like I should do a post about the significance of this milestone. I honestly don’t know what to say. I should have been thinking about it for some time and planning it out. Greg and I have been mentioning it to each other almost every day. Instead of grieving though, we have been living. 

Thinking where I was emotionally a year ago to how I’m doing now is nothing short of miraculous. I had spent so much time with my mother in my lifetime, that life without her was unfathomable. I didn’t see how I could handle being alone. Luckily, I’m not alone. I have the best husband in the world. Needless to say, when he’s at work, I’ve had to be alone. Of course, we’ve got 3 dogs so alone is a relative term. I have come to realize there are a lot worse things than being alone. I even relish some time alone now. You’d think having time to myself would motivate me to write blog posts, list things for sale online, write emails to people I’ve lost touch with, make phone calls, post pictures to Instagram, etc. None of this is happening. I don’t know why. When I’m with my hubby, I am active and almost bubbly. When alone, I tend to gravitate to the boob tube (tv). Sure, I’ve got lots recorded on Directv to catch up on from when we were gone. But that’s no excuse to not have goals or things you want to get done every day. 

I’m not completely sedentary. I still walk the dogs every single day, rain or shine. I do laundry, load the dishwasher, minimal cleaning, regular hygiene. As far as striving to attain or accomplish anything, it’s not happening. Maybe part of it is I no longer have anyone to tell when something good happens. I used to love to share everything with Mom, the good and the bad in my life. I know I’m not depressed like I was after she passed away. 

I have come so far and yet I feel like I still have more unseen healing to do to get back to myself. I asked hubby when he felt like he recovered from Mom’s death and he said, “I’ll let you know.” Today he sent me an email with tons of pictures of Mom in it. It didn’t make me cry, it made me happy to see her smiling face. I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore but I had a moment the other night. I asked Greg, “Do you think Mom misses me?” He said, “Of course she does!” I still miss her every day but in a good way. The other night I got to thinking about how we both would start laughing hysterically if we saw the other one laughing. There didn’t even need to be anything funny. It was just a contagious thing that felt good. 

I realize this post is “all about me” instead of honoring her. She is the wind beneath my wings and I want to make her proud again. I recently heard the Ed Sheehan song, “Supermarket Flowers” for the first time. It made my cry but it made me realize she really lived her life. I could live to her age but not have gone through half of what she did. She had no regrets and did everything she wanted to. The lyrics “A life with love is a life that’s been lived” and “A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved” ring true. “You were an angel in the shape of my mum. You got to see the person I have become. Spread your wings and I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah You’re home.” 

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On A Dead Run

We’ve been on a dead run for the past month! I haven’t had any time to write but I want to fit it all in. I’ve decided to split things up so this doesn’t break the record for longest blog post ever. Wednesday Oct. 4th, we went to an Octoberfest party outdoors. The weather was unseasonably warm (70’s) and we were able to attend in shorts. It was put on by a Lufthansa Cargo that hubby dealt with when he worked at O’Hare. He no longer sees them since moving to Midway. They were nice enough to invite us. I knew no one and hubby only knew a few people. He’s not shy and went up to all the tables asking who they were with and telling them who he was. There wasn’t a huge amount of people there anyway. It started at 4:30 pm but they told him to get there at 6 pm when they started serving food.

They served everything German like bratwurst, sauerkraut, coleslaw, pretzels, beer, etc. When you first get there, they put a wristband on you. We were given a large plastic beer glass and got it filled with Paulaner beer. It was delicious! It has been months and months and months since I had any type of alcoholic drink. Of course, I went overboard and had 4. Ugh. Starting out on an empty stomach is never a good idea. The only thing I regret more than drinking that much was putting on the flashlight on my iPhone to see the inside of the porta-potty. Yikes! We stayed until about 10 pm and we were one of the last ones there. People were either leaving early since they had to work the next day or because they were going out elsewhere after the party.

There was a 2 man “Oompa Loompa Band” that played on the stage under the tent but they also were strolling musicians. They were older and really good. One played the accordion and the other a small tuba. The accordion fella also played the bells and they both played some German long horns that must’ve been 10 feet long. As the night wore on, they played more songs we knew. At the end of the night, they played my theme song, “The Too Fat Polka”. My mom had an album of Frankie Yankovic greatest hits and I used to play it a lot as a kid. That song seemed so hurtful and cruel then. Now I find it hilarious! When they started playing it, I ran up by the stage, filmed them and was singing along with it. I don’t sing EVER, especially not in public. I won’t do karaoke no matter how much I’ve had to drink. Yet here I was singing, “I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too fat for me, she’s too fat for me, she’s too fat for me…” I’d be embarrassed if I hadn’t had so much fun… 😉

One thing I realized for sure is that Greg and I don’t need anyone else to have a good time. We enjoy each other’s company beyond words. We can have a good time, anywhere and anytime, as long as we’re together. We share memories, stories and so many laughs. This was a great way to start off a month of events that has kept us busier than a moth in a mitten!

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Self Acceptance Is The Best Gift

Today I turn 55. Birthdays are usually a let down but not this year. Maybe it’s because of what I’ve been through this past year, that I had no expectations. Instead of dwelling on only getting a few cards, I am happy to be alive. To be able to move my body around freely of my own volition and let my mind wander wherever it desires. To spend the day alone while hubby is at work would’ve at one time made me sad. Except that is my new reality. I’m home alone while he’s at work 5 days a week. But it’s not a bad thing. I have 3 wonderful dogs as my constant companions. I get to take them on a walk every day and get fresh air and be among nature.

I have no idea where the metamorphosis came from. I have been weaning off of the antidepressant Lexapro (generic) and only have 3 nights left of taking half a pill (5 mg.) and then I’m done. I feel so good about it. It served its purpose but I want to experience life fully without being numbed out. After all these years of disliking myself, I am finally starting to accept myself. I always wanted to be perfect which is impossible to achieve. Now I’ve accepted that I’m not perfect and am ok as I am. Even if I’m not everybody’s cup of tea, I’m fine with it. I’m starting to like myself which I never thought would happen.

Today is 9 months since Mom passed away. When I mentioned this to Greg, he said, “Then she died on the (anniversary of the) day you were conceived.” I told him no, since I was 2 weeks late. Even before I was born, I didn’t want to leave my mother. If I could have one wish today, it would be to have her with me. I’m not sad though because I still remember her being here and all we shared. Even though Greg saw us together for almost 31 1/2 years, I don’t think even he knows the extent of the bond I had with my mother. We had so many “inside jokes” and sayings only we said to each other. I think I’ve mentioned it before. We used to both say, “You’ve got so many nice things” and the other person would answer, “I’ve got you!” It always put a smile on our faces and made us feel loved. I’ve told Greg about this and he’s heard us say it. Yet sometimes I say that to him and he just says, “Yes, I do.” For the life of him, he won’t answer as she used to. Mom also used to call me Kitty which I miss terribly. She hadn’t called me that for a few years when she died but she’d called me that most of my life. Greg used to call me that occasionally when he’d hear Mom call me that. Now he won’t call me that at all. I’m not complaining, just missing the connection Mom and I had that no one on earth can replicate.

I had mentioned wanting to go to a Hawaiian themed restaurant since I’ve never been. It does look pretty corny though. Hubby would rather go to the casino buffet so that is where we’re going tonight to celebrate. Mondays are 25% off too. I’m sure I’ll find something good to eat. I’ve been working hard on losing weight, even starting using the exercise bike on the days he’s at work. I started at 10 minutes and I’m up to 21 minutes a day. Hubby brought home a strawberry coffee cake from the bakery at work plus some brownies for me. The thought was nice but I have to watch it and only have 1 piece a day and not go hog wild. I don’t want to undo all my good work. I had wanted to do some baking which I sorely miss. But now that he’s bought the baked goods, I have no need. I don’t think he realizes how much joy I get out of baking.

Gardening was one of my mom’s passions. That and sewing. She could grow any type of plant and spent a ton of time weeding for me. Up until she was 88 years old, she worked in the yard every day. I think it’s what kept her young. She babied me and spoiled me and I never had to weed while she was around because she kept everything neat as a pin. Now I’m taking to weeding with a new relish. I think of her every time I do it and it brings me joy. Instead of thinking of it as work, I think of it as something that makes me feel close to her.

I’ve mentioned before we don’t do cards or presents. Especially since we get presents anytime we want when out treasure hunting at estate sales. Friday Aug. 4th we had our whole day mapped out. Sometimes we start near us and go farther out as the day goes on. This time, we started far out in Hoffman Estates, IL. We went tot he first sale and got there a little early. While waiting, a closer parking spot came up and Greg went to start the Jeep and nothing. The same electrical problem that’s been plaguing it on and off for a few years was back. This time it wouldn’t start at all and the gages were flying around. The back window went down on its own and the doors wouldn’t lock. We went into the sale, bought a few things, came out and tried starting it again. No luck. So we called AAA and had it towed to a dealership a mile away in Schaumburg, IL. We’d never been to Ziegler Chryster Dodge Jeep before. They said they didn’t think they could fix it for a few days. They wouldn’t give us a ride home since it was more than 5 miles away. I offered to give them $20 to take us home. They wouldn’t give us a loaner, it would be $35 a day. Then the guy writing up our order said, “Why don’t you call an Uber?” I told him that to me that’s like hitchhiking. I just never wanted to do it. It’s like meeting someone on Craiglist. I don’t want to be murdered, robbed or raped. We told him we wanted to see a salesman while there to see about a new car. He set us up with a guy that was a terrible salesman. Greg test drove a 2017 Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland. I call it The Overlord because it just suits it better. It has literally everything you could want and don’t need in a vehicle. It’s so fancy and pretty and expensive. He told us list price was $48,000 and after incentives it would be $46,000. Online they list incentives bringing it down to $40,000 and lower with trade in. I know we’d never buy from that dealership in any case.

Since we had to get home somehow, I downloaded the app and signed up for Uber. I expected a young kid to pick us up but it was an older retired guy. It was $25+ and went fine. The worst part was we had to take everything we’d boughten out of our Jeep since they couldn’t lock the vehicle. It was also raining and we got them to put a piece of plastic over the half open window in the backseat. We got home and were both anxious and upset and we ended up arguing over stupid stuff. The day was basically ruined. We heard back from the dealership that is was fixed at 5 pm but they wanted to let it sit for an hour and a half to check it again and make sure it worked. It cost $381 which is worth it if it truly is fixed. We went at 7 pm to pick it up, I drove Greg over in my car and then followed him home again. We had to wait while they gave it a free car wash which they could’ve done before we got there.

Sat. we surpassed our record and hit 10 estate sales in a single day. It sounds better than it is. It wasn’t that much fun because the sales weren’t good ones. The first 6, we spent a total of $1.50! 50 cents for a washcloth at one and $1 for a masonic bible at another. It was discouraging. Then we hit one that had silverware for Greg to use making jewelry and wind chimes. Plus I found a few books and ephemera. It’s actually more fun going to only 2 or 3 awesome sales that are “digs” than it is to go to a bunch of mediocre ones that don’t have much. For my birthday, I want to go to the flea market in Elkhorn, WI next Sunday. It’s only held 4 times a year, I think. We’ve never gone because it is a distance and Greg works on Sundays. I just want to go once to see what it’s like.

2 weeks ago, my car got a nail in the passenger side rear tire. Greg drives it to work on Sundays and he must’ve picked it up then. We took it to our local mechanic and he kept it overnight and then we picked it up the next day. It was $20 cash and I was happy to pay it and have it over with.

I will try to catch you up on everything in my next post. Thank you for being there and following me through the years. God bless!

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Stepford Wives

There are 2 topics I feel I should write about: our first RV trip with my mother-in-law along and our upcoming 25th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, I feel unable to access my creativity. I’ve been taking an antidepressant since April 27th (the generic of Lexapro). Starting with one 10 mg pill a day and going up to 2 pills about a month ago. I can’t say I like it. It has been great for my anxiety and I don’t worry like I used to. I don’t get upset over little things. As I said before about the medicine, I’m still sad inside but it doesn’t allow it to surface. I’ve only cried maybe 3 times since I started taking it. It basically has leveled off my emotions so I am one level of emotion at all times. That doesn’t seem human to me. It calls to mind the Stepford Wives. In the movie, they replaced the wives with robots. Now they just need to administer antidepressants to them and they behave accordingly.

I know I’m not bipolar yet I’ve always felt things very deeply. I could sympathize with others more than most people. Grief over a pet felt like ripping my heart out. I always had boundless enthusiasm and when I was happy I was beyond joyful. Now instead of life being a series of peaks and valleys, even rollercoaster rides, it is steady like a flatline on an ekg. I believe all the emotions are there underneath but they can’t get out. They are being held in check, pushed down by an invisible barrier. I don’t have any of the energy the doctor said I would have. I’m able to function but concentrating isn’t any easier. I don’t feel inspired to do things or achieve things. I don’t care enough to fight or stick up for myself. I don’t dwell on unpleasant things and just try to get through each day. I have no expectations for myself or the future.

 

I normally have so much to say. Especially when I write. Surprisingly, as much as I’d like to write about the two above named subjects, I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY!!! What the what?! How is that possible?

 

I’ve been trying to slowly lose weight and after a month (and being on vacation), I’m down 5 lbs. I ate lunch everyday on vacation too. I would be happy with the loss if I felt it or saw it. I don’t feel any different (even with a few lbs. I lost since Feb.) and for sure don’t look any different. I’m not letting it discourage me though. Hubby is losing slowly too and now has his diabetes where it should be. He is taking 80 ml of insulin every night and as he loses weight, the dose will be lowered. He’s seeing the doctor again July 6th.

 

The oddest thing about how I feel on this antidepressant is that things that used to bother me don’t anymore. I used to feel SO BAD because I didn’t have any family or friends. Now i don’t want any. I simply don’t care about it. It doesn’t matter to me and isn’t important. I find this very strange. In some ways, I feel like my personality is missing. This medicine has changed who I am and I don’t know if it’s for the better. I don’t talk as much. I sit quietly and am content. I have completely pulled back from social media. The medicine hasn’t given me the confidence I was lacking so I could share parts of myself without feeling like no one was interested. I don’t know what will become of me. I feel like I’m slowly fading away into the ether…never to be seen or heard from again…

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Everything Goes Away Over Time

It’s another in a series of dark, rainy days. Gloom begets gloom. All my life, I thought I was a good writer. Not contest winning good but captivating. Someone able to hold the attention of my readers. A few months back, I read some of my earlier blog entries and my life story that I wrote at 21. It seems so mediocre to me. Not very good at all. Now I’ve lost my will to write. I don’t want to write emails, blog posts, Instagram posts, Etsy listings, grocery or to-do lists, etc. It could be because I’m grieving still for the loss of my mother. Or it could be that I’ve lost confidence in the only thing I was ever good at. The only thing I ever had confidence in to begin with. I’m not about to start day drinking although the though has crossed my mind. It gives me perspective. I always wondered at what point does someone actually start doing heroin?! A fully rational adult knows better but if life has no substance for them anymore, will they do anything to get their motivation back?! Before you start worrying that I’m on the verge of shooting up, I won’t. I can promise you that. Not just because I don’t care for needles or putting foreign substances in my body. Mostly because I already know it’s not the answer.

When Mom was alive and I was so busy taking care of her, I used her as an excuse. I couldn’t write more because I never had a block of time to sit down and write without being interrupted. I figured when she eventually passed, I would spend part of every day writing. I would either be writing a book or at least do regular blog entires. Instead I feel even less like writing. The truth is she never kept me from writing or anything else. I’m doing that all by myself.

My days are all a blur now. I no longer get up with my husband in the morning (7 am) like I always did until the first of the year. I usually get up by 8 or 8:30 am. I still walk the dogs every day except today because it is raining hard all day long with no break. I still cook meals and bake desserts. I stay caught up with the laundry. I keep my housework and hygiene routine. I pay bills on time. I still watch “Stories” on Instagram every morning and throughout the day. Snippets of other people’s full and vibrant lives. I feel almost paralyzed about sharing on social media. I’ve felt this way on and off since I first got on the internet 21 years ago. In the past month I’ve only posted a handful of pictures (mostly food). I’ve taken lots more and should be excited about sharing but feel almost afraid to share. I don’t know why but the more I need people, the more I pull away. I watch tv but only half-heartedly. TV was always such a joy to me. It was something I’d look forward to at night. Now I still watch the same shows (and some new ones) but most of the time I’m not giving it my full attention. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what happened in a particular episode.

I’m very short-sighted and impatient when it comes to getting over things. I like to forge ahead and get on with things. When I had the chicken pox at age 30, I was so afraid that the red marks left on my face (scars) would be there forever. I asked a coworker who had them in his 20’s if he remembered them on his face and he said yes. He said they go away over time. Of course, he was right. Everything goes away over time… A decade ago I had a medical condition I’ve never written about. Someday I will. It was so painful and kept coming back. I finally had surgery and it cured me forever. Sadly, for a few years I was petrified that it would come back. I mean, it was a daily worry that I’d have to deal with it again and forever. That was during the time I almost went on drugs for depression. I was making myself sick with fear. I couldn’t see long term. I never took the drugs and over time my anxiety about reoccurrence went away.

Now I’m back to that place again. The grief over my mom’s death has only intensified. I feel empty and alone. I feel sorry for myself. The worst thing is I’m worrying that this feeling will never end. Just through living all these years, I ought to know logically that I won’t always feel like this. However, I don’t know how long it will last. It could be weeks, months, years?! When I had Mom with me, I pushed myself to get things done every day. Extra things like listing things to sell online or just reorganizing things. Now I don’t push myself. I don’t know why. The only thing I can come up with is that “nothing matters”. It doesn’t make a difference if I do it or not. She’s still dead and I’m still here. I don’t even like posting about my grief on Instagram. People are so kind and wonderful leaving cheerful comments. But what it comes down to is there’s nothing anyone can do to help. It’s going to take time. I feel embarrassed that I’m not handling this better. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I want to be strong and be able to just go on without being phased by the loss. April 7th will be 5 months since Mom passed away. It seems like it should be long enough to live like this. I’ve always hated “wasting time”. I know how precious life is and grieving this long feels like a waste of time. Maybe it’s one of those things that just sneaks up on you. One day, without realizing it, I’ll notice that I no longer feel this way. That I’m able to find joy again in life. Only God knows how long I need to grieve and when he thinks I’m done. In the meantime, I’m soldiering on.

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Precisely Why

I should’t write today because I’m so beside myself. But that is precisely why I’m doing it. I was going to bake. I found the recipe and most of the ingredients. It calls for semi-sweet chocolate chips. I have every chip known to man except those. I have peanut butter chips, butterscotch chips, white chocolate chips and milk chocolate chips. But no semi-sweet. If I had a running car, it wouldn’t be a big deal. IF. My life is surrounded by IFs. Due to staying home so much with Mom, I hardly drove my car. On the weekends, I’d go out with hubby to get groceries and whatever other errands we did. Now that Mom’s gone, my battery is dead and won’t stay charged. It’s only a year and a half old, if that. I’ve even had the alternator replaced. It doesn’t help to keep it on the trickle charger either. I’ll have to spring for a new battery but am wondering if this cold spell we’re having will kill it anyway. We’re going away for Christmas so it won’t be run until the New Year. I feel like a prisoner and a child. I can’t even take the dog to the vet alone without a car. On the one hand, I could get rid of my car (it would kill me) but I like being able to run to the store or post office if need be. I would like to take a solo trip to Target which hubby doesn’t enjoy. Nothing is happening. I could buy a new car but why? To just let it sit most of the time? Hubby is racking up miles on his Jeep driving so far to work now that he’ll need a new vehicle soon. There seems to be no simple solution to anything…

So it snowed heavily on Sunday and the Directv satellite went out. So we haven’t had tv in 2 days. We’ll have to call and get them to come out on Friday when Greg is home. We can see the entire face of the satellite is covered in snow and we’re in the deep freeze. It’s too cold to even take the dogs for a walk. I had been doing really well with taking them for a walk daily until the temperature tanked. I guess it makes sense that I would go stir crazy. We’ve been having trouble with our Directv for months. It constantly shows lost satellite signal. It wants us to check the cables and cords for the connection. We do and it keeps happening. We’ve rebooted the system too many times. We both hate calling Directv because they are so unhelpful. That’s how we want to tie up one of 2 off days this week with having a service technician here or waiting for one to come. Oy vey.

Trying to get Mom’s estate cleared up. She had stock which I am trying to transfer to my name and it is turning into a nightmare. Years ago, they had demanded she mail in the stock certificates and they’d keep them online. Well she did and now they are asking for the certificates. When I told them they were mailed in, they act like I’m crazy. Greg remembers her mailing them in also. But they are saying they are lost and I have to pay $182.94 for each stock to replace them. Plus go to the bank and get some type of guarantee seal (insurance for the value of the stock). Greg is too busy to help me and this shit is so far over my head. So I’ll have to hire someone to help me do all that paperwork. I know that will cost a lot but I don’t have a choice. It is worrying me to no end.

I wanted to write a post about how I’m dealing with things since Mom died. That will have to wait. I have other things that I’m alarmed about. Right before we left for Thanksgiving, Greg needed a refill on one of his prescriptions that had no refills. I called the doctor’s office and found out that our doctor was out on medical leave and they didn’t think he’d be coming back. At all. EVER. This floored me. I asked if a different doctor could call in the refill. It was a lot of rigamaroll with them having to call back. Finally the nurse said none of the other doctors there knew him so wouldn’t authorize the refill. We were leaving in 2 days and he’d have to come in to see a different doctor after working a full day. It made no sense to me. We’ve had the same doctor (Dr. J) for over 20 years and he had given us his home phone number (cell) but we’d never used it. We didn’t want to abuse it. I hated to call him when he was out sick but did it anyway. He answered the phone and sounded quieter than usual. I said hi and told him my name. He asked if I’d heard what happened to him. I said no. He told me the end of May (we’d seen him earlier that month) he’d gotten very ill. He ended up having a heart attack. This kind of freaked me out. He’s only 6 years older than me, 5 older than Greg and 60 years old! Then he told me that he had another heart attack in June. Whoa! He said he was later diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis. Of course, I didn’t know what exactly that was until I looked it up later. I knew it sounded serious and pretty darn bad. He said he’d had surgery to take one of his lungs out and was going to be having another surgery soon. He said he wouldn’t be back to work ever. I told him what a great doctor he was and how we’ll miss him. He said maybe down the line we could get together. We are more like friends after all these years. After talking a bit he was like, “What can I do for you?” I felt terrible bothering him with the refill but he was glad to take care of it for us. He said he still had access to the files online and I could tell he was sitting at the computer already. He texted me back that it was sent through and I called the pharmacy and it was! Since Mom was his patient too, I mentioned that she had died a week ago. We had always talked about our mothers since they were the same age (95). Then he said his mother had died a week ago! I asked him when and he said Tuesday morning and he asked when mine passed. I said 10:40 pm on Monday night. So they passed within a few hours of each other. He said he’d just gotten back from her funeral in PA (where he grew up) a few days ago. We talked a bit more and he told me of a friend of his who’s a doctor in our area that we can go to for our new doctor. I don’t want a new doctor but will definitely go to the guy he recommended in Jan. or Feb. Ever since I got off the phone with him, I can’t get Dr. J out of my head. That he is so seriously ill at such a young age and he’s a doctor!! It was a real wakeup call for me and Greg to try to keep our health for as long as we can.

Last Thurs. we took 6 hours of our day off to call relatives and tell them that Mom died. You’d think we would’ve done that sooner but you’d be wrong. Greg didn’t want to tell his siblings and mother for fear that they would descend on us. We wanted a month to grieve privately. We were also pretty broken up and didn’t want to have to get into details with people. We kept trying to call Greg’s mother but the calls kept failing. We found out later that she’d been having problems with her phone for a few days. She’d had the receiver off the hook! We started with Greg’s older sister Linda but she was at work. So we talked to her husband Ken and told him. He had Linda call us when she got home and we filled her in. Then we called his brother John, then we got ahold of his mother who promptly started with, “Now that Irene has passed, maybe you can come for Christmas this year.” Hubby told her no, we’re actually going back to Tunica, MS for the holidays. Then we called his brother Dan and talked to him and his wife Kris. Last we called his little sister Colleen. The only sibling we didn’t call was his brother Brian who had the brain injury a few years back. I finally emailed 2 of my half sibling who were Mom’s stepchildren. My brother Gary and sister Dianne. It was good to have that over with.

I’ve been working on Christmas cards this week. We just got some cheapies at Menards. I sent them to Greg’s mother and siblings and some of the friends I got sympathy cards from. I had to watch it since I only had so many stamps (not even Christmas ones) and knew I would’t get to the PO. I haven’t done any Christmas decorating which isn’t unusual. Since we’ll be gone, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. On Saturday we went to Randolph Street Market for the first time. It’s a once a month market in Chicago that carries antiques and handmade goods. Someone on Instagram told me she’d put us on the guest list but they couldn’t find us. (Turns out she thought we were coming on Sunday so hadn’t put us on.) I dropped her name and we got in for free anyway. Admission is like $8-10 each so that was great. It was a ton of jewelry and clothes which isn’t my bag. Not much Christmas items which surprised me. Only one book vendor and I ended up getting 4 old books and paid more than I normally would. Greg also got an old crucifix with the skull and cross bones on it. It took us just under 2 hours to make it though. We went to one estate sale after and it sucked. Lately the estate sales are not even worth going to. The weekend before last we skipped them the entire weekend. We finally got rid of our gigantic couch (took apart in 6 pieces and put it at the curb) and brought in the formica tabletop we found curbside and mounted it to the Singer treadle sewing machine base. We put the table in the LR which look odd. I wanted it to work on projects and write cards at. We’ve got the wrong chairs at it which makes it suck. Nothing is turning out the way I’d hoped. So it’s looking like we’re going to give up estate sales so we can pare down our hoard. After the new year, I’m going to get up and running again with selling things. Might even do eBay again. We’d like to get the house where we could entertain again. I don’t know how long that will take. Possibly years but I doubt we’ve got that much time. By summer, his family will be making excuses to stop by.

On a sad note, I had 3 loyal followers to my blog. THREE. That makes each one incredibly precious to me! I have about 100 subscribers to the blog but only those 3 were regular readers and commenters. One was in Australia, one in Canada and one in the US. The one in Australia has disappeared and I fear illness or worse. I’ve tried contacting her via email many times with no answer. I am quite worried but doubt I will ever find out the true story. The one in Canada had a major life event a few years ago and her blog was wiped out. She hasn’t started up again and for the most part has given up reading blogs. My US friend (Hi Heather!) is still with me which makes me happy. I grew to really care about the people who bother to read my blog. I don’t know if others do this. Maybe if they have a ton of followers, they can’t.

Blogs seem to be obsolete. I still see the value in them. I’m so glad I have this safe place to come and vent my feelings and share what’s going on in my life with those I know have open arms, ears and hearts.

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Birthday Month

I’ve been so absorbed in social media lately and yet I haven’t wanted to get on here and blog. Like sitting for hours and watching Instagram Stories. I don’t know if I like them or not but they keep me coming back for more. I know it’s my dislike of the new laptop and the difficulty that arises from using it that keeps me at bay. Last blog post I published was on my iPhone which caused other problems but may be the way I have to post for awhile. The entire week I’ve been like a zombie since Greg started his new job on Monday. We’ve been getting up at least an hour earlier than we used to and going to bed an hour earlier but still don’t sleep well. At first it was the anxiety of the unknown but now it’s just going back to a 5 day work week after many years of a 4 day one. I’ve tried to keep my yap shut and keep the complaining down to a minimum. I’m really dreading winter for his travel to and from work. He also doesn’t have much to do which he knew would be the case but it’s still hard to go from being busy almost constantly to trying to find things to do.
Wed. Aug. 17th was hubby’s last day at his old job. They had a going away party for him with pizza. He was given an eagle trophy and a challenge coin for being at O’Hare airport for 12 1/2 years. One of his coworkers has a jet airplane chocolate mold so made treats for everyone. They turned out really cute! Now I want to make some. I’ll add it to the list of 5 million other things I want to do. Which I can squeeze in between the 3 thousand other things I’m already doing. Sigh…

I have an inordinate amount of things to tell so will shorten them beyond what I usually would. August 4th I got my hair cut short. It didn’t turn out to be as short as I wanted it. Or as short as the other 2 times. I like it but I can see how very soon it will be getting unruly because of the natural curl. I got 16″ cut off and the salon I went to no longer sends in the hair or gives a free hair cut. I wish they’d told me on the phone when I made the appt. It was no big deal though. The haircut was $25 & I gave her $30 with the tip. Then we took the rattail home and boxed it up and mailed it to Locks of Love. I had them notify me of receipt via email instead of mail since it takes so long. I already got the appreciation certificate whch was nice. Since Greg was off, he came along like last time to take pictures. It was so sweet and I told him not many men would do it. He said he didn’t mind since it was only once every 3-4 years! Ha ha.

Next step was getting my eyes examined. Lens Crafters had just gotten this Clarifye machine in 3 weeks before. It takes a snapshot of the eye and supposedly gives a more accurate exam. My eyes hadn’t changed that much but they are so bad (6.25 & 6.50) that I never feel like I can see good. Even now with supposedly 20/20, I can read things at a distance but it takes some time for my eyes to focus. One of the downfalls of getting older, I guess. I didn’t have as much trouble picking out glasses frames as last time. I tried on like 6 and narrowed them down from there. I had Greg take pics of me with them on plus Lens Crafters has an ipad like device that takes pics and you can put them all on a page and compare you wearing each of them. I really like my new ones. I’m surprised how much. They are Vogue brand and made in China. They had a 50% off lenses sale so the total for one pair came to $389. The machine that makes the glasses was broken so instead of an hour, they said they would take a day to make them. They weren’t ready the next day like they promised but I picked them up on Sat. Aug. 6th. They needed some adjustments and sent me on my way. Then I noticed something on the left lens near the nosepiece. It was like a piece of glue or something that wouldn’t come off. I didn’t want to take them back but they were so new. I figured I better. So I went on my birthday to Lens Crafters and the woman there at that time knew right away it wasn’t glue. It was a nick that the person adjusting had put in the lens! They had to remake the lens and I had to give them up, use my old pair and come back again the next night. So I was at Lens Crafters 4 times in 4 days. <eyeroll>

Sunday Aug. 7th (my actual birthday), we got pizza for the 2nd time this year and brought it home to eat. We got 2 since the 2nd was half off and there’d be leftovers. I never take pictures of the pizza but figured I would. I took the one pizza and then when I went to take a pic of the 2nd, it fell on the floor face down. Gah! It wasn’t as bad as it sounds but not ideal. 

For a special treat for my birthday, Greg took me to his office. I’d seen his 2 previous offices but not the current one which is SO NICE. It’s a new building and the cubes are HUGE. The size of a NYC apartment!! In Feb. he just moved to a window cube and has a lovely view too. If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to give it up! (Now at his new job, he has a much smaller cube with low walls. It’s also in front by the supervisor’s office where everyone has to walk by.) So that was really fun and then we went to this waterfall in Rosemont and walked around and took pictures. It’s a touristy thing to do but since we’re local, we never do it. 

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In the past few weeks, I’ve made 4 batches of homemade spaghetti sauce. The tomatoes started coming in the very end of July which was about a week early. When I originally started this blog, I was thinking of making it all about cooking and recipes. I was far more into it 6 years ago than I am now. I still enjoy cooking but don’t have as much uninterrupted time as I used to. Plus Mom used to encourage me to make various dishes. She would tell me how delicious things were that I made and have 2nd helpings, etc. Now she still eats well but never tells me she likes something or to make it again, etc. If I ask her if she likes her dinner, she doesn’t answer. It’s hard to get enthused about cooking when the ones you lived to cook for don’t take any interest. Greg still likes my cooking but I don’t think it matters too much to him what I make.

The weekend of my birthday, Greg found a vintage formica kitchen table top at the curb. Someone had put it out for the garbage in our neighborhood. It was the best gift I could’ve gotten even though it was free. Or maybe because it was free?! I’ve wanted one for a long time. Never mind that our kitchen is not big enough for a kitchen table! I grew up with a kitchen table and dislike not having one. It didn’t matter that it had no legs, we knew we would figure something out. After much thought, I came up with the idea of using the vintage Singer treadle sewing machine base Greg got at an estate sale. It’s so beautiful and he had a piece of redwood fitted tot the top of it but not screwed down. He was going to treat the wood and now we have to find something else for the redwood to go onto. We are going to try to dismantle the loveseat in the sunroom and put the table in there. Ideally, we will remove our large couch in the LR that has been trashed for years and throw it away. Then put the loveseat from the sunroom in the LR. If it sounds confusing, that’s why we haven’t done it yet. It involves a lot of moving and lifting and making way to carry things. Plus the weather has been scorchingly hot and we try to avoid doing that type of thing in the heat.

The same weekend, we found an old ALL detergent metal bucket and 2 pieces of vintage enamelware. Two different size white pans in very good condition–one is round and the other about twice as big and oval. We haven’t had luck finding anything curbside in a long time even though our neighborhood usually throws out nicer stuff.

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Sunday Aug. 21st was the only Sunday off hubby had this year since he was transitioning between jobs. So I decided it was high time we go to Vintage Garage Chicago. It is a once a month vintage market in Uptown Chicago (north of downtown). They set up in the first few levels of a parking ramp. It costs $5 to get in and you walk around and see everyone’s wares. We had to park several blocks away & I got a blister on my heel but otherwise it was fun. I doubt we’ll go again but I’m glad we went once. 

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Hubby found 2 cool things there. The first was an aluminum P-38 box airplane from the 1940’s. It looks like a hood ornament but it’s not. There was a booth to get a free appraisal of a vintage item. They weren’t busy so I told Greg we should take the plane over there. We got a good laugh because we know more than they do. They had no clue & only knew how to search on eBay. I hate to brag but in this case I will. I know way too much about looking things up on eBay!! 😇

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The other thing Greg got was a Weston voltmeter in its original wooden box! Inside the lid of the box is the paperwork dated 1912! So much fun to find something we’d never seen before & might never see again! I got 2 books & a small planter. I’m just not seeing the appeal in a lot these days…

Hubby smoked his first pork loin last weekend. He used cherry wood chips & it turned out great. The “bark” was kind of hard & hubby lost a filling eating it. 😩He had to go to the dentist even though he’d just been there for a cleaning 2 1/2 weeks ago. 😐 It’s been so blessed hot and HUMID, we’ve had the air on for like a month straight. I hate having it on for more than a few days but we’d die without it. I wonder what kind of winter we’ll have?! Sorry this shortened post turned out to be long. 😬 It’s been a crazy month! 😜

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