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Posts Tagged ‘#effort’

Due to the weather, circumstances and how I’ve been feeling, I haven’t been in the mood to blog for MONTHS. In fact, I was to the point where I was seriously wondering if I would ever return to it. It felt foreign, unnecessary and ridiculous for me to blog anymore. Yes, I can’t believe it myself. I’m the one who always said, “No matter who quits blogging, I will always be here. You can count on it. I’ll be doing this as long as I live, hopefully into old age.” In a world where EVERYTHING is being shared on social media, I don’t feel like sharing ANYTHING. Mostly because I’m convinced no one cares. The blogs I followed and left feedback on (aka: the people I felt I was “friends with”), would cease to exist, often without any fanfare. They would just be gone one day. Either the blogger never returned or more likely, they wiped every trace of a blog that they had religiously wrote on for many years. They didn’t give a second thought to their readers or even said goodbye.

 
I have pretty much disconnected from everyone I’ve ever known. I had a few remnants of friendship from my postal job which I have discarded. My so-called distant relatives have scurried into the dark crevices, my husband’s family we seldom hear from, the list goes on. My husband is able to cut through the crap and figure things out in a quick manner. He immediately knows why we don’t hear from people— BECAUSE THEY DON’T NEED ANYTHING FROM US. As soon as they do, they will waste no time getting ahold of us. Who wants that kind of relationship where there is no mutual admiration or enjoyment of being together, it’s all about WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?! Sigh.
 
I feel the same thing happening on Instagram. Unless you have a lot of followers, people don’t want to bother with you. Unless you can be shelling out constant compliments and attention their way, they have no use for you. A friend I had from slams recently gave up the Internet. She’s no longer online and doesn’t have a cellphone. She’s older (65) and doesn’t seem to miss it. I thought long and hard and realized I could easily go back to being without both (except for selling online). I don’t feel I get that much out of it and it keeps me from experiencing what’s going on right under my nose. My husband would never go along with it so I may as well keep it.
 
I’ve always been terrible at “following through” with things. As a child, if I started a diary, I would lose interest and it would end up mostly blank. The same goes for “journaling” as a young adult. Maybe one or two entries and I would “forget” or just no longer feel I had time for it. This is one reason I never got into “planners”. They’re a current fad that is extremely attractive to me. I love anything to do with paper and creativity. However, I would bet everything I own that I could not stick to it. Apparently, this is a fatal character flaw. 
 
So I wrote this post up to this point a month ago. I didn’t publish it, I published about the dog attack instead. I let this sit and see if It still held true. It does. Also I have to say how everything seems like too much effort for me anymore: writing emails, blog posts, commenting on Instagram posts, answering the phone, taking pictures, posting to Instagram, cooking, etc. These are all things I LOVED. Now it’s like pulling teeth to do any of them. I’m back in a funk. Or maybe I never left. This is the first year we haven’t had a garden. I couldn’t get excited about even going to pick out the plants (which was always my favorite part), let alone planting them in the ground and watering them. EFFORT. Not sure how to get out of this. Maybe the solution is to force myself to do things. Fake it ’til you make it type of thing. I’m not a good faker though. Never was. I guess it’s something to aspire to…

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Another week has come and gone. I wasn’t in the mood to write but I’ve got my next topic all lined up. In the meantime, I wanted to update on a few things. Hell finally froze over and after 3 months I finally received my free Betty Crocker calendar. After all the fooling around of calling and tweeting them, I had pretty much given up. A month ago I had purchased a 2013 calendar since I can’t go without one. All that was left then at Target was a Green Bay Packers one. This was a day or two before they lost their last game. Hubby is a huge Packers fan and I’ve slowly gotten on board the green & gold express.  Now that I’ve got it up, I will probably just leave it and find somewhere else to put the Betty Crocker one. There does look to be some yummy recipes inside that I want to get around to trying.
 

Betty Crocker Calendar 2013

Betty Crocker Calendar 2013

The other miraculous thing that happened last week was my People magazine showed up. The double issue that I’d phoned them about and they finally sent a replacement. These 2 things should’ve made me feel happy and vindicated. That I had stood up for myself on both counts and succeeded after much effort to get what was promised to me. Instead I felt “meh”. The only thing I can say about it is: it shouldn’t be that much trouble to get people to do the right thing. I feel like I basically had to shame the Betty Crocker people into honoring their promise. I can hardly applaud them for not doing the right thing from the get go. That they needed that kind of prodding is ridiculous. I’m not going to talk anymore about this since I’ve wasted too much time on it already.
 

People Magazine Replacement Issue

People Magazine Replacement Issue

One thing I forgot to mention last week, the family whose house we watched the Superbowl at are a Nielsen family. They’re part of the Nielsen ratings and have a special box attached to their tv that monitors everything they watch. It was so cool! I had forgotten all about back in the 1980’s when we’d been picked to do it. Back then it was simply a survey type thing you had to fill out and mail in every week listing everything you watched on tv. Back then, it was just Mom and I living together and I was working nights at the post office. The only thing I watched were 2 soap operas and nothing at night. I remember filling them out and thinking how boring it must be compared to the average household. I’ve always loved tv but can go either way with it. I don’t have it on “just for noise” like a lot of households. I could easily give up tv entirely. I would miss it but it’s not the be all and end all. Sometimes when we’re on vacation, we watch no tv for a few weeks. Other times on vacation, we’ll just watch the news and that’s it. On the other end of the spectrum, I love certain tv shows like they were part of the family. They have brought me so much joy. There’s nothing like thinking about what day it is and what’s on that night that I’m looking forward to watching. Anyway, I would love to be part of the Nielsen family now. Alas, they pick people completely at random and you can’t volunteer for it.
 
Last week hubby was told about a “detail” job that lasts 6 months. It involves flying around the country and rating the TSA on different elements. My husband was a management consultant many years ago and went into different businesses and figured out what they were doing wrong and right. He went into every type of business known to man and learned so much! A few examples of businesses he analyzed: slaughterhouses, a dentist office, a cheese factory, restaurants, internet service providers, a strip club, etc. So this detail position was right up his alley even though it involved a lot of paperwork. He’d be flying Monday through Friday to a different city/airport and would be home on Sat. & Sun. I wasn’t thrilled about it but I could see why he wanted to do it and how it would be interesting. He got his resume ready and filled out the questionaire with long essay questions, etc. At the last minute he finds out his supervisor won’t let him put in for it. He had asked his boss (supervisor’s boss) and he’d said ok but then his supervisor talked the boss out of letting Greg do it. Talk about infuriating. Then his supervisor says he should put in for a different detail position. So  he did. This one was for 3 months straight in Washington D.C. It’s helping out at TSA headquarters and he’d be gone the entire time without coming home for a day. I couldn’t believe my hubby was willing to put in for it. I couldn’t fathom him wanting to be away from me for that long. That he didn’t think about what my life would be like while he’s gone. We talked about it and from what I can tell, it has nothing to do with me or our marriage. He thinks it will help his career. Ugh. When he was gone for 6 weeks when he had canine training 3 years ago, it just about did me in. This would be twice as long, for no extra pay. I try to be supportive but I also like to see that I’m getting something out of the deal or at the very least he is. I don’t even know why I’m bringing this up since it looks like he won’t get it. There are only a few spots and who knows how many people applied. I think I’m mentioning it so that people are aware how much anxiety this causes me. I worry about the basement flooding while he’s gone. The electricity going out. My mom dying. You would not want to be inside my head. I know a lot of this has to do with how isolated and insulated my life is. I don’t have anyone outside of my immediate household to rely on. I count on my hubby for way too many things. If I ever thought about him dying, I’d probably have a panic attack. Death and thoughts of death are for another blog post. Oooh, won’t that be good. Argh.
 
How I can turn my ramblings into a blog post is beyond me. I don’t seem to have any problem doing it. Unfortunately, I don’t know how interesting it is to hear me going on and on about stuff. I know it’s not easy in my daily life to find people who can take me in large doses. That’s what makes each one of my readers so special. I can’t thank you enough for putting up with me and coming back for more! 😉

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