Quarantine Babblings

Today has been an interesting day already. While out walking the dogs, we saw a guy pushing a baby in a stroller and his young son was riding a bicycle behind him on the sidewalk. For some reason, a square of the sidewalk near the corner was filled with wet asphalt like the road would be patched with. The father should have maneuvered everyone around that but instead went through. The son on the bike got stuck. He left the stroller a short distance ahead with the dog’s leash tied to it. He went back and pushed his son onto the regular sidewalk and looked back. We were walking up from the side and saw the whole thing. The dog was starting to pull towards the kid on the bike and the stroller had completely flipped in mid-air with the baby hovering a foot from the ground (face first). The guy had amazing reflexes and grabbed the stroller and righted it before any harm came to the strapped in baby! I kind of gasped but kept walking. Most people walking would’ve stopped and just stared. I didn’t want to make things worse so we kept going.

 

Then about half a block later, 2 giant black labs charged us on the sidewalk. I know black labs come in smaller sizes too but these were like Great Dane size. They just kept circling us and barking. Ivy was so scared she was ready to lunge and take a bite out of them. My husband didn’t handle it too well and started yelling at me. Which in turn made me yell at him to yell at the people who let their dogs loose, not me. He wanted me to take the dogs down the street and he was going to round up the dogs. I told him take them down the street because I knew I had to have words with the owner. He left with the dogs and I saw the door of the house we were in front of open and a kid let one of the dogs in. The other was running around yet and finally went to the door and was let in. I told the kid, “I need to talk to your mom or dad.” I wasn’t mean because it’s not the kid’s fault. I waited a few minutes and then the mom came out. It was just as well because I calmed down and was able to talk without being upset. I told her why I was unhappy because of the past attacks and how it’s ruined my dogs. She was nice enough to listen and she apologized. She said with the kids home, they weren’t used to shutting the gate. I told her I knew it was a terrible time now and she had her hands full with all her kids home and I wasn’t trying to make her life harder but I  had to say something. She actually made me feel better instead of worse. I told her, “Don’t let it ruin your day. I’m over it, you be over it, too.”  I’m starting to think if it happens a few more times, I won’t even blink an eye, I will be so used to it.

 

We are coming up on 6 weeks since I’ve been home and hubby is finishing up his 5th week of working from home. He wore me down and last Sat. we ordered breakfast food from the Sunrise Grill just down the street. They give you a vat of scrambled eggs, 6 strips of bacon, 6 sausages, 6 French toast, 4 waffles, 6 pancakes and hash browns or $20. We gave them a $5 tip. It was a good deal but the food was mediocre at best. Maybe we’ll order out again in another 5 weeks. 

 

I’ve been cooking up a storm. Since I last posted I made homemade mushroom soup and spinach soup. Both were delicious. My next soups to try making are carrot and asparagus (separately). We went out to the grocery store on Sunday and stocked up again. We’d been out of bread and milk for a week. Tonight I’ll make a hot dish with ground veal and pasta and some vegetables. I’ve made banana bread once. Everyone online seems to be making sourdough bread. I’ve always wanted to make a starter from scratch and try it. We’ll see if I’m brave enough to give it a go.

 

We’re up to the end of Season 6 in the Walking Dead. I’m enjoying it more all the time. I have a ton of other things I want to watch on Netflix too. I don’t know how people get so much watched. Maybe they’re watching all day, too. We only watch in the evenings. We try to get some book reading in every afternoon.

 

2 days ago I was due to run out of my blood pressure medicine. I usually go to the doctor every April for a checkup and to get the prescription. We had just gone on Oct. 30th so I called on Monday April 13th to the doctor’s office. I had had the pharmacy try to get it refilled and the doctor’s office had declined. I told them I just needed a medication refill, I had nothing “wrong” with me that warranted a doctor’s visit. The nurse talked to the doctor and said, “He wants to see you!” I said, “I REALLY, REALLY don’t want to come in while there’s a pandemic going on!!” His office is in hospital for goodness sake. That didn’t matter, I had to come in. Greg needed to go to since he’d need a refill on one of his in the next few weeks. I was almost in tears. I didn’t think I was being unreasonable AT ALL!! We have had nothing but trouble with this doctor and he’s cause us so much grief. I don’t want to change doctors but will. I looked all over the internet and did a bunch of reading on doctor’s ratings, etc and found one we like in Lincolnwood. It’s not that close but it may be worth it. Unfortunately, no doctor in his right mind is taking on new patients right now. Most aren’t seeing the patients they already have unless it’s urgent. I was even toying with the idea of going off blood pressure meds for awhile but then worried I’d have a stroke or heart attack!! 

 

So we caved and went in last Tues. April 14th. When you go in the hospital, they take your temperature and give you a mask to wear. We were already wearing gloves. The doctor wouldn’t give me a paper prescription which is what I wanted. He said he’d send it in electronically to the pharmacy. Instead when we went to pick it up, he’d sent in the wrong one. He had our blood drawn and then the nurse called on Thurs. with results. My thyroid has gotten worse since taking the medication. I was on 25 micrograms Tirosint Solution and now he’s got me going up to 50. My thyroid is interactive and a year ago when diagnosed, it was 4.94 or something and now it’s 5.95. It makes no sense that the higher the number, the more inactive. It is supposed to be under 4. So then he only calls in one month and I needed 3 because of insurance cost. Finally got it picked up yesterday. No refills on either that or the blood pressure meds!! What an a-hole! He wants to see us in 3 months. (Vomit emoji)

 

Yesterday our city announced that everyone needs to wear a face mask in public. I only have the one from the hospital and need to get a fabric one. I was looking online and it’s so hard to choose without being able to touch or try them on. My first instinct is to go funny. But the selections are limited so maybe I’ll have to go floral. It really looks like face masks are going to be the norm for months after the country opens up. Cook County where we live is one of the hot spots in the country yet with the town next to ours, Des Plaines, having the most cases. 6 weeks ago when they said masks were optional, I took them at their word. I dislike having anything over my face. Hubby is used to his c-pap so it doesn’t bother him. My sinuses are such a hot mess, I can never breathe well. I had sinus surgery in 1996 to remove a polyp and enlarge my sinuses. It did no good. Decides ago I gave up taking any sinus meds, over the counter or prescription.

 

Today is my mom’s birthday. If she were alive, she’d be 99. I miss her terribly but feel like she is slipping away. Memories of her are harder to access. She’s still the only person I feel is 100% always on my side. Not having that in my life anymore is very noticeable. I rarely get DMs (direct messages) on Instagram. Lately I’ve gotten 2 different people on my original (almost abandoned) account (@ynotkissme) trying to talk to me. 2 guys who I had to block. I usually just block random creeps without saying anything. This time I tried to see if they just wanted conversation. I’m pretty sure it’s never conversation… One asked my name and when I told him, he said “that’s my grandmother’s name”. First off, no one else in the world has the name Chrisor. It just filled me with a great deal of sadness to know that someone has to lie like that. 

 

I got the phone number of a couple who we used to see at estate sales. The one running the sales is friends with them and us. I haven’t seen Pete and Ruth since about Oct. 2018! They are in their 80’s, I would say she’s 85 and he’s 87. I can pretty much talk to anybody but some people I just feel like we get along like a house on fire. Ruth started talking to me a few years before my mom died. She would ask how my mom was and what was new with us. A lot of the people who go to estate sales are standoffish but Ruth was friendly as am I. Ruth’s mother is 113 years old! It’s amazing to me. Anyway, we would go way early to a certain sale just to hang out with this old couple. They’d come early and we’d visit for like an hour. Then they fell into ill health and stopped coming. I would ask the one running the sale and she’d tell me how they were. Finally she gave me their number and I called on Monday. We didn’t talk long but it was so nice to hear her voice again. They’ve both had surgery and are recovering and stuck home like the rest of us. I hope to someday see them again. 

 

Hope everyone is hanging in there and staying healthy and safe!

 

‘

Read Full Post »

No One Is Promised Tomorrow

Aunt Anne passed away on Sat. Morning at 7:30 am. We got word yesterday from family that the funeral is this Thurs. up in Harland, WI. The Rosary is at 4:00 pm, visitation is from 4:30-6:45 pm with the mass at 7:00 pm. Then Greg got a call from his mother saying to call Sara (Anne’s youngest child) right away. So he did and she asked him to be a pallbearer. Greg is taking Thurs. and Friday off but using hours he got from an award and not sick leave. It’s about 2 hours from here so we’ll have to leave mid-afternoon to get there and skip dinner until afterwards. That’s not a big deal but something to consider. When we saw the funeral would be at St. Charles Catholic Church in Harland, we wondered why. Aunt Anne was devoted and passionate about her faith. She was a Catholic and she got Uncle Dean to convert to Catholicism before he married her. She was selfless and loving with everyone. She and Uncle Dean lived their faith and were really the only examples I’ve known of true Catholics. They even ministered to prisoners. Besides going to church religiously and tithing, they were the first to help anyone. Aunt Anne belonged to St. Mary’s in Pewaukee her entire life. The church was sold and the congregation began going to Queen Of Apostles in 1999. I never liked that church. It has such a modern look inside, it feels soulless. St. Mary’s reminds me of the church I grew up going to that was not much bigger than a house. Anyway, for all that Aunt Anne has done for the church and the congregation over the years, they won’t let her funeral be there. The day they are having the funeral is CHOIR PRACTICE. That is laughable. They could sing at her funeral. They could cancel and just wing it on Sunday. You’d think church-going people would understand. Instead they put out this nice family in their time of need. This is everything that is wrong with religion. 

 

There is still no word on Stephanie’s funeral. The coroner hasn’t even released the body yet since they are waiting for a dental expert because it was vehicular homicide. 

Today being March 10th gives me all the feels. It was my parents’ wedding day (in 1961). It was the birthday of my best friend in jr. and sr. high school. March 10th is also the day my last best friend died 10 years ago. I don’t think I’ve ever written about it because it was so weird. I don’t like writing mushy stuff. Maybe when I was a teen or in my 20’s, I might. I don’t even talk about this best friend. We met in slams (the question booklets sent through the mail) in about 1997. We had known of each other for another 10 years before that. Her name was Joni Souers. She was 11 years older than me. So she was a year older than I am now when she died. Joni and I were opposites in a lot of ways. She was only 4’10” tall and I’m 5’ 6 1/2”. She was Southern through and through and I’m as Northern as they come. She was brassy and loud and I tend to be quieter. We were both generous with people and had a tendency to be taken advantage of. She had led a hard life and been estranged from her few relatives. Her brother died and her nephew was like a son to her. She doted on Mike, his wife Cherie and their 3 daughters. I helped her through Cherie’s murder by her oldest teen daughter’s boyfriend. We wrote long letters to each other and then emailed every single day. That didn’t work for me. I balked at it and said it was too much for me. She let me know it was too important for me not to do it for her. So I did it anyway. It was the one “fight” we had. We talked on the phone sometimes and when we did, it could be hours. She was a truck driver (long haul) for decades but had quit to become a police officer for a short time. She loved trucking and her husband had been a trucker. He turned out to be a no-good liar who was a bigamist. She got rid of him but she didn’t hate him the way I thought she should. She was a forgiving sort of person who would give the shirt off her back to anyone. She had no living children and had lost a few babies to miscarriage. She fell in love with another trucker (John) and they worked together going cross country trading off driving but never married. She couldn’t have loved him more. Her home base was Texas but in the last few years she had settled in Colorado (outside Denver). She had 2 teacup chihuahuas (Tiny & Muffin) that she took everywhere with her. She and John had gotten a home in CO and she’d been staying home more and more often. She had fixed it up and did a lot of home cooking. She smoked like a fiend which I hate. She enjoyed it so much that nothing could make her stop. She had some health problems towards the end. She would get stomach and back aches. I encouraged her to go to the doctor. That didn’t really help until she doubled over and passed out. They took her to the hospital and found she had a huge mass in her stomach. They operated and removed it and it wasn’t cancer. I called her in the hospital and told her to rest and get well. I told her I loved her which I’ll always be happy about. I had no reason to believe she wouldn’t recover. Then I found out a day or two later that she was being taken for some other tests and she had an aneurysm burst and she was brain dead. Just. Like. That. Her nephew Mike told them to pull the plug because he knew she wouldn’t want to lay there as a shell any longer. I went into shock, as you do when given unexpected news. I can’t think of a worse time for it to happen. Not that there’s ever a good time.

 

Greg was scheduled to leave 3-4 days after I got the news. He was going to be gone for 10 weeks to canine training. It ended up being only 6 weeks. Anyway, I had all kinds of plans to chat on the phone with Joni and just make the most of not having a husband to monopolize my time. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want him to leave but I wanted him to be happy. I knew if I had Joni to talk to, the time would go faster. Well, that didn’t pan out. I was in shock. Greg wasn’t able to comfort me because he was so wound up with leaving. While he was gone, he didn’t know how hard it was for me to be missing him AND my friend. He was only thinking about his own stuff and then his sister had called him while he was there to tell him she had leukemia. If I hadn’t had my mom with me, I don’t know what I would’ve done. She knew Joni from me telling her all about her. Joni sent her a couple gifts which was so sweet. She thought the world of my mom which endeared her to me. Joni had lost a lot of weight and she a bunch of Walmart/Sam’s Club type clothes she had boughten and most were never even worn. They were the size Mom and I wore. She offered to send them to us. I balked at first but she was so happy that I was willing to take them and wear them, I said ok. She sent a huge box of mostly shorts, t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc. Mom and I divided up the clothes in half. We both wore them and I still wear them. It makes me feel good every time I do because I think of her. I also wear my mom’s clothes which may be creepy to some people but it makes me feel closer to her as well.

 

I’ve pretty much always had barriers up where friendship is concerned. Especially ever since high school. Then after losing Joni, I think I keep people even more at arm’s length. Sometimes I regret not being more open but other times it just feels like the right way to be.

 

All this talk and thinking of death just makes you realize that you can make plans but that doesn’t mean you’ll be here to live them out. I worry about hubby’s retirement. He’s about 4 years away. At times he wants to retire even earlier, then other times wants to wait until exactly then. Still other times he thinks he may want to work longer. It is such a hard call. If you’ve got enough money to last, is it better to retire or is it better to stay active? I hear too many stories of people dying right after they retire. I’m having a hard time deciding what I want to do in our later years. We talk about getting a larger home to fix up and then move to down the line. In your 30’s you have unlimited ideas and energy, in your 50’s not so much. You may feel like doing some renovation but tying yourself down to a long term project is not as appealing. Maybe I should just live day by day as that is all we are promised. Who knows what the future holds with the Coronavirus out there.

 

Read Full Post »

Things Can Always Be Worse…

Things have taken a turn for the worse. It’s been one thing after another. Last Thursday night, one of my husband’s coworkers was driving home from work on I-57 at 2 am. She was hit by a drunk driver who was going 85 in a 55 mph zone. He was out celebrating his 25th birthday and his blood alcohol level was .123. He struck Stephanie’s 1999 Jeep and it went over a concrete barrier, flying off a bridge, landing on railroad tracks below. We were originally told the car burst into flames then but later found out it burst into flames when it was hit before it went over the side. She was so burned up that they had to use DNA to verify the body. When Greg was at work on Friday, he was told that they weren’t sure if it was her. They knew it was her car and that she hadn’t picked up her child or gone home the night before. Everyone in his office is pretty shaken up. Stephanie was only 39, married with one boy about 5 or 6 years old. My husband worked with her the last 10 years or so at both O’hare airport and Midway. We are waiting to hear when her funeral will be. A GoFundMe has been set up in her name (Stephanie Anselmo) for her family. I don’t usually believe in donating to those but in this case it seemed the right thing to do. I met her a few years ago when I volunteered to help with the canine training at Greg’s office. We donated $100 and it’s now over $10,000.

 

About 2 1/2 weeks ago, Greg got a phone call from his oldest brother John. He was crying and saying that his wife Jane had just been diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts. She is about 64 years old. Greg called John back this past weekend to find out how things are going. Jane was having an MRI on Monday and then meeting with her chemotherapy doctor. It sounds like there is one tumor in each breast and they are different kinds of cancer. She is having chemo first to shrink the cancer, then a lumpectomy and radiation. She caught it early and it doesn’t sound like it has spread to her lymph nodes. I have no doubt Jane will beat this as she is tough and she has a really great team of doctors up at Froedtert Hospital in Milwaukee.

 

The most recent bad news is that my husband’s favorite aunt was put into hospice on Monday evening. She had a fall last Wed. and had been going downhill ever since. She has quit eating and drinking which means it won’t be long now. Aunt Ann is 84 and I have loved her deeply since I first met her almost 35 years ago. Above everyone else, she made me feel welcome and accepted. I always said if I didn’t have my mother, I would want her as a mother. She is a saint and I hate that she has to leave this world already. So now we are expecting a call any day about her. 

 

The situation my husband has been dealing with which I’m not at liberty to discuss is still hanging over our heads. There is a glimmer of hope in that he has a few people helping him now but there is still no end in sight. We are both excessively nervous/worried and having trouble sleeping. It is taking a toll on us but I am pretty confident we will make it through.

 

There’s not a lot to look forward to. We got new iPhones on Valentine’s Day as a gift to each other. We both got the new iphone11. I got the pro max and he got the regular 11. Neither one of us have figured out how to use all the features. I thought it would make me want to take more pictures and post more on Instagram but that hasn’t changed. I will touch base when I know more about what’s going on.

Read Full Post »

The World Rotates While You’re Standing Still

I’m happy to report that I survived the first week alone. Time has been passing incredibly quickly. I keep to a routine which helps. Last Thursday it rained all day so I stayed home and did housework. Friday, I ventured out to 3 estate sales by myself! This is the first time I’ve ever gone to an estate sale alone! It went so well that I went to 3! None of them were nearby so I had to drive my husband’s Jeep. It was so easy to navigate, I didn’t have to worry about getting lost or parking. Now I can see the appeal of the newer vehicles. I took some of the major highways in different directions and things went like a charm. I already felt more confident. Saturday I went to the library book sale which our local library hadn’t had for a year since they were remodeling. The pickings were very slim but I got a few vintage books. Then I went to 2 estate sales. I got more books at one of them and nothing at the other. I don’t know if I’ll venture out on a Saturday again since the traffic was horrible and parking was ridiculous. I found nothing earth shattering at any sales all weekend. I did find a pink and blue carnival monkey to keep me company while hubby is gone. I’m glad I went but it sure isn’t as fun as going together. I can’t fully relax when I’m on my own like I can when I know someone has my back.

Sunday I cut the grass for the first time in years. I used to do it all the time when hubby traveled for work. Now it’s one of his chores. The mower we have now is self-propelled and impossible to push without using that. It is set so fast that I can hardly run behind it. We had always used a Lawn Boy when I cut the grass. It is a delicate, well-tuned machine that is almost like cutting the grass was an art. This Honda is a beast, rough and tough and like pushing a tank. At least it started right away and I was able to get both the front and back yard done. I should only have to do it another 6 times before he comes home.

Aside from walking the dogs, I’ve stayed home the past 3 days. The weather has been cold and ugly. May is usually in the upper 60’s, not the mid 40’s temperature wise. I’ve cooked a couple times and realized that anything I make I have to eat 4 days in row to eat up before it goes bad. By then I’m sick of it. My milk has gone sour and I’ll have to buy something smaller than a gallon when I go to the store again. I’m thinking of baking some bars just because I want to run the oven. Also I’m dying for something sweet. I’ve been playing Candy Crush and have now reached level 709. I’m not one for playing games as it always seemed like a waste of time. Now here I am.

Sunday (Mother’s Day) is a year since my dogs were attacked by the 2 big dogs. There was another attack by a Golden Retriever a few months after that that punctured Elvis’ neck. The woman was standing in front of her house talking to a neighbor. She had a bag of treats open in her hands and her dog wasn’t on a leash. She said he must’ve felt possessive of the treats. Hubby and I were walking together that time. The owner then actually apologized (which the previous owners DID NOT) but she kept saying “I’m sorry. Here—take these treats” like that would make up for it. I’m sorry, I don’t want your treats! I want your dog to be on a leash. I’m able to hold mine as if my life depended on it, no matter what. We are all still shell-shocked from the original attack. A few weeks ago, hubby and I were watching a dog show and seeing the Newfoundland brought up all the bad memories. My dogs still get along with any dogs they meet but are afraid of bigger dogs now. Especially Ivy (Basenji) who was the friendliest originally. Now she hangs back when a large dog approaches. The hair goes up on her back and she growls. She will even snap at them if they get close. I hate that the experience has changed them for the worse. I heard the 2 big dogs from a year ago have passed away. I know it’s the owners fault but I was still glad to hear they are dead!! What’s upsetting now is that the owners have gotten another dog! People like that don’t deserve to have a dog!!! They don’t socialize it or teach it and can’t hold the leash. The new dog is a bit smaller than their others but looks mean. 

I’ve looked up estate sales for the upcoming weekend and have found none that interest me. I guess I’ll start writing those letters I’ve been putting off. I also started reading Edgar Allen Poe’s Book Of Short Stories. I’ve been watching tv at night but nothing worth mentioning. All I know is life without my husband is mighty dull.

As far as how hubby is making out, it is interesting to say the least. They put him in one hotel the first night and then switched everyone to another for the duration. He was put in a room with 2 queen beds and he unpacked everything and settled in. Then they asked if he would move to a different room with a king size bed instead. He said yes and they’ve been treating him extra nice ever since. He is in an area that has a shopping center and many stores and restaurants. They have him working 10 pm until 7:30 am. Similar to my old postal hours. They also gave him Sunday off. I feel totally misled. They told him he’d be working 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day. He works 10 hour days when at home, plus Sundays. He can handle it. To have time off away from home and not get paid for it seems like a waste. I know he can rest and he does but… Maybe in the past when coworkers went it was with FEMA who doesn’t mind working long hours and Customs & Border Patrol work only 50 hours a week? The area he is in has 16 sectors and he is working at one for the entire time. He’ll be on nights 2 weeks, then switching to days, then afternoons and then back to nights. He is paired up with someone from Los Angeles who goes home every weekend. He is tasked with doing whatever is needed to free up those who carry guns to go catch illegals and criminals. He has gotten a tour of the border and the situation is much worse than portrayed by the media. Anyone who says that it’s not a crisis is ignorant. So Greg has been heating up burritos, handing out food, space age blankets, documenting possessions at intake, going to the pharmacy 16 miles away for medicine, getting supplies from other buildings, shuttling legal paperwork up to lawyers, etc. They are already asking people to extend their stay another 30 days. I believe they need help but I can’t see doing beyond the 45 days unless things were different. Like I could go along or he could work longer hours and weekends. Even if the latter was true, I don’t know if it’s worth being apart any longer. We are ready to go on our first vacation of the year!

 

Read Full Post »

Bite First, Ask Questions Later

Today is Mother’s Day. I don’t have children or a mother (anymore) but I do have 3 dogs that are my world. My husband is working today so I took the dogs for a walk this morning like I do every single day. Something so traumatic happened, I’m still in shock. On the way back, less than a block from home, my dogs were attacked by 2 giant dogs. One was a Newfoundland and the other was just as big but yellow and short haired. Mine weigh 75 lbs. combined. These 2 were probably 100 to 125 lbs. each. An older man and woman had them on retractable leashes. They saw us about the time I saw them. They had just made it to the corner (passing some bushes and come into view) and I was just past the door of the corner house.

It was like in slow motion. Their dogs saw us and started pulling towards us. I saw the one leash in each of their hands. The dogs were getting closer and closer but I assumed they would pull them back while still a few feet away. I stood still as if frozen. The dogs kept coming and I saw the husband and wife “let go” of each of the leashes and the dogs charged us. It was frightening. I just screamed in a high pitch for what felt like 5 minutes but was probably 1minute until they had regained control of their dogs. I didn’t know what to do. Amber. my Shiba Inu, was laying on the ground to my side and the Newfoundland had his jaws over her back. He could almost fit her in his mouth. Ivy and Elvis were behind me and on the other side of me. I couldn’t watch it all or see what all was happening. I was holding tight to their leashes.

If I hadn’t had 3 dogs, I would’ve picked up one of the dogs and held them out of harms way. If the owners hadn’t been there, I would’ve kicked the attacking dogs away. When they finally pulled their dogs back, I lit into them. First I wanted to know their name and address in case there was some injury to the dogs. They only told me their house address, no name. I said, “I don’t know how you could let go of BOTH leashes. I’ve never had that happen before where we were charged by 2 dogs.”  Our neighborhood is FULL of dogs, everybody has at least one, two or three. Once when we were walking, a rottweiler came charging up to us but it just growled and the owner came racing up to get it. This time there was no growling, they just came to fight. I told the couple that our dogs get along well with all the other dogs. This couple never apologized once and all the woman would say was, “I understand” like 6 times to what I had said. She was obviously trying to placate me. When their dog released Amber, she cried out like 3 times in pain which she never does. I could see in her fur where the teeth had been. My other 2 gave as good as they got. Elvis had drool hanging from his mouth which I’ve never seen before. Then he started wagging his tail and growling. I told the woman that I was most afraid of the bad experience of being charged affecting them in the future when they meet dogs. “I understand.” Their big yellow dog had a bite mark on his front leg and she was carrying on about it. I didn’t apologize because, “My dogs were just defending themselves.” “I understand.” Finally we left.

I came home and called Greg to let him know what happened. I checked over the dogs and so far so good. I have been shook up all day. Now I will have to alter our walks so we don’t go anywhere near those 2 vicious dogs. Although we were closer to our home than theirs. They look like big lumbering giants but no dog likes to be run up on in an aggressive manner. I just hope the dogs don’t get mentally scarred by the event.

Now I’ve got to run to the grocery store for a special Mother’s Day sale. I’m going to get my first copy of Flea Market Style. I mean Dog Bite Monthly. Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂

Read Full Post »

Vacation Highlights

Overall, we had a lovely time on our last vacation. We left Thurs. Sept. 7th and got back Friday Sept. 15th. We stayed at the Rustic Barn RV Park in Kieler, WI. Located in the SW corner of the state, it is in the middle of nowhere, yet within minutes of Galena, IL and Dubuque, IA. The RV park was expensive but also one of the nicest we’ve stayed in. It is surrounded on all sides by cornfields and cow pastures. We had a fantastic view of the cows and the dogs enjoyed going down by the cows every day. Elvis was a bit afraid of them due to their size but Amber wanted to get close to them and play. They weren’t afraid of the dogs but kept their distance. There was a sign saying that the fence was electrified so we didn’t push it.

We had a fire 4 of the 8 nights and sat around the campfire making smores. I bet it’d been 10 years since we’d done that. Mom used to love it but as she got older, she didn’t want to sit around the campfire and we didn’t do it without her. We had a picnic table on a concrete pad right outside of our campsite. We ate at least one meal a day out there, usually lunch. It was like a picnic. I didn’t bring a tablecloth so spread out a large beach towel. The bugs weren’t bad and the weather was ideal! It was in the 70’s every single day and not a drop of rain. 

Of course, when we got home they hadn’t had any rain here either so our garden was mostly dead. We only got 3 more cucumbers for a total of 40 this year. We got a few peppers and all our tomatoes are green and not turning red. I don’t know what that means. Now we’ve had a heat wave for the past week with temperatures hitting 90-95. The past 5 days we’ve broken heat records. Our grass is starting to look dead. So is everyone else’s. We watered the backyard the past 2 nights since there’s still no rain in the forecast. 

The first day of vacation, both Amber and Elvis ran away. Into the cow pasture when the cows weren’t there. Greg went to get them and after they had a good run, Elvis came back. Amber was having too much fun so Greg went under the electrified fence and laid down in the field and Amber came over. I was afraid we’d never see her again. The thing is Ivy is the big runner and she didn’t get loose. It is truly nerveracking to have them run away plus embarrassing and disheartening. Having a dog that won’t come to you when you call them hurts. But I guess it’s just “dogs being dogs”. 

We did a lot of fun things that week. We went to 2 casinos in Dubuque, IA: “The Que” and Diamond Jo’s. The Que was terrible and we didn’t even stay longer than a half hour. Diamond Jo’s was a lot of fun. We ate there twice at the buffet—once for free and once for $7. We enjoyed playing there but didn’t win anything to speak of. Our money lasted longer than at The Que though. 

We went to downtown Galena and split it between 2 mornings. We brought the wheelchair along but Greg’s mother didn’t use it once! It takes up almost the entire back of the truck so we’re not bringing it next time. My mother-in-law walked some and then sat on the benches that they have along the main street. She doesn’t do stairs at all. Galena is a quaint little town that is basically a tourist trap. There are stores but not really to my taste. Only a few antique stores there and I only bought 2 books. Greg’s mother bought a purse at a shop that was going out of business. The prices were kind of ridiculous and I’m too cheap to pay them. I love the name “Galena” though. I think it would be a beautiful name for a girl and then call her “Gal”. 🙂 

Sat. Sept. 9th, we took a drive up north and the area is really pretty desolate. We drove through Dodgeville and by chance, there was an estate sale auction going on! It was maybe a few hours into it but lots was left. It was mostly commonplace household items. Nothing that got my blood pumping. Greg bid on 2 boxes of books (for $5) which we sorted through and ended up giving his mother half of them. There was nothing earth shattering in there. Mostly oddball cookbooks and kids’ books. Hubby and I used to go to antique auctions every week. This was about 17 years ago. We haven’t gone to any since. The prices started going too high and it just wasn’t fun anymore. The nice thing about this is there wasn’t any buyer’s premium which is usually between 10-20%. We ended up staying about 2 hours standing the whole time. It was held outside with everything loaded in boxes on flatbed trucks. We stayed until hubby got a chance to bid on some antique wagon wheels. They had 2 half wheels that went for $65 each, then 2 giant wheels that went for $25 each. Greg wanted the large ones but didn’t want to pay over $20 each for them. Then the small wheels came up and he got 3 at $15 each. That was a really good deal. He’s already put them in our backyard.

We also went to Dickeyville Grotto on Sunday, Sept. 10th. I’m writing a separate blog post on it so I won’t go into it here. There are so many pictures and details I want to share about it. It deserves its own blog post.

Monday Sept. 11th, we were heading to Elizabeth, IL and got into a car accident. It makes you wonder if nothing good can happen on that day?! We were pulling out of a scenic overlook and a dump truck was coming up the hill with his right turn signal on and didn’t turn. Instead he speeded up and hit the rear driver’s side of our Jeep. It spun us around but we didn’t go off the road or get hurt. Greg’s mother was sitting behind me and kept saying how wonderful Greg drove to keep us from getting broadsided. She was very calm which I appreciated. Thankfully, no one was injured but we were a bit shook up. I didn’t realize we were only 3 miles from Elizabeth and said we should go back to the RV for the day. So that day turned out to be a waste. We did make it Elizabeth 2 days later and I found some more books. The windows weren’t even broken which leads me to believe that our 14 year old Jeep fared much better than a newer one would. The new vehicles tend to crumple up when hit and have less weight to them. Greg took the Jeep in to Gerber Collision in Des Plaines, IL on Tues. for an estimate. They quoted $2500 and we’ve got a $250 deductible. Wed. night after work, we dropped Greg’s Jeep off there to be repaired. Since they already had the parts and only had a small amount of body work to do, we hoped to get it back in a day or two. Now they are telling us 2 weeks! If they couldn’t work on it right away, we never would’ve dropped it off. Poor Greg has had to drive my old Pontiac that has NO A/C during this horrible heatwave! He’s got an hour drive to and from work. It sucks so bad. On Friday we went out treasure hunting in my car and almost died. It was too hot so we ended up hitting a few places and coming home. We stayed in all day Saturday as it was too hot!!

While on vacation, we tried to find other antique shops to go to and even tried Dubuque. That seemed very run down and a lot of the antique shops listed on Yelp were actually seedy pawn shops. We did find one antique shop that seemed decent. It had mostly furniture. Hubby got a display cabinet for drill bits, a pulley and a brass nozzle for a fire hose. The highlight was my mother-in-law finding a chair she had to have! It was a heavy duty walnut chair that had been refinished by the guy who owned the shop. It was built by the Sikes Co. when they moved to PA. It must be 100 years old. She wanted it for $80 but he gave it to her for $100. He said he’s sold them for $200 and up. I looked them up on eBay and they sell for $400. We had a heckuva time fitting it in the truck with the wheelchair in the back. We ended up putting it upside down in the backseat. I had to sit in the  back with it because it poked over into the other side. I’m used to accommodating whatever I need to and she isn’t. Then she used the chair the rest of the week inside the RV. After I sat in it, I wanted one also. Hubby never lets me get furniture. Mostly because we can’t move it ourselves and he doesn’t want to hire someone. 

Another fun thing we did that week was go to 2 different supper clubs. We went to a fish fry the day after we got there. Then the night before we left, we tried another supper club. We didn’t eat all our meals out though. We ate most of our lunches in and a few suppers. I had made a batch of stuffed peppers and a huge bowl of bean salad before we left. I like bringing food along but everyone has to be on board to eat it. If people want to eat out all the time, I have to be the bad guy and nag them into eating my food so it doesn’t go bad. 

I’m glad we finally made it to this area but Greg was fairly disillusioned. I think coming from Chicago, things tend to be not as exciting elsewhere. I liked it but I’m not in a hurry to go back. We’ve only got a few weeks until our next trip. Maybe we’ll have more fall like weather by then.

Read Full Post »

Better Living Through Chemistry

So much has happened in just a few weeks. Hubby had been so sick, suffering with a sinus infection last time I posted. That would have been bad enough but after taking an entire week’s worth of pills, we find out he’s allergic to penicillin. Just in time to ruin another weekend, they came on as he was driving home on Thurs. April 27th. By the time he’d had dinner, he was fully broke out from head to toe with hives. We tried a Benadryl and a Zyrtec which did nothing. Luckily, we both had a doctor’s appt. the following morning. The first thing the doctor said when he came into the room and saw Greg was, “Somebody got some sun!” His entire head was bright red. The doctor seemed unfazed by the severity and prescribed low dose steroids (starting out with 6 pills a day, decreasing each day until day 6 is 1 pill), 2 Benadryl every 6 hours round the clock and Calamine lotion. Greg was miserable for the entire week. we were both worried that his throats might close up! As long as it took to get into his system is how long it took to pass the penicillin out of his system. He works alone on Sunday and by Monday it was finally starting to abate a little bit. This was my first time seeing the doctor as a patient and he prescribed me Lexapro without even listening to my heart or lungs or looking in my ears or throat. I thought that was weird. I told him how I’ve felt down for months and didn’t know if it’s because my mom died, if it’s due to starting menopause or if I’m depressed. He said try 10 mg of Lexapro for 2 weeks and then he’d up the dose if needed.
The first day I took it, it made me nauseous for a few hours and then passed. After a few days I felt better but that Sat. April 29th when I started it, I came down with a cold. So it’s hard to tell how I really feel. It’s still lingering on. He had a bunch of blood tests done on me since it’s been over 4 years since I had blood drawn. He has this Patient Fusion thing where you can look online to see your results. My cholesterol is 229 which is a bit high but to me, nothing to worry about. Normal is under 200 but he wants it under 180. When we went back to the doctor Thurs. May 4th, he told me to get some Red Yeast Rice Extract Pills at Sam’s Club and take a 600 mg. pill twice a day and it will naturally lower it. We stopped in to Sam’s Club and they were out! So I got it at CVS when we picked up one of hubby’s prescriptions. I started taking it Sun. May 7th and it made a mess of my stomach. He said it would do that but it goes away over time. Today is already better. 

So many people are on antidepressants and I never wanted to be one of them. I’m against taking a lot of pills. I like to think the body heals itself. However, after all these years, I’ve decided to try and see if I can feel better mentally and physically. This is my first time taking any and I didn’t want to have the stigma of it rub off on me. Yet I’d rather be honest and share that I’m trying it than hide it. I can tell already I sleep a lot better at night. I’m still sleepy during the day but I’m hoping to get some energy eventually. So far there isn’t a significant change.

The doctor has been increasing hubby’s dose of insulin by 10 ml a week. He’s now up to 40 ml a day. His numbers are coming down but the whole week he was on steroids, they were high. The doctor said that would happen. This week we are getting a reprieve from going in to his office and only have to call the doctor on Thurs. and report his blood sugar readings and I have to say if I need my dose upped. We might use the day Thurs. after calling to take the Ancestry DNA results up to his mother in WI. We got them a few weeks ago when he was so sick and there was no way we could go anywhere, let alone to another state. 

Last weekend, we had our first semi-normal weekend in over a month. We got to go to 2 estate sales on Friday and then popped in to Oakton St. Antique Mall nearby to check out their sale. We parked next to a car that was just filled with garbage! The passenger side and entire backseat was stuffed to the ceiling with trash! I couldn’t believe it was that bad. I’ve seen cars used as dumpsters before but usually there’s room to see through the back window. It’s so unsafe not to be able to use your rearview mirror at all! I took a bunch of pictures and will use them for this post. I told hubby when we went inside to try to guess whose car it was. It was really impossible to tell! I assumed it was a man’s car but it could’ve been a woman’s. Little things like that amuse me. It’s sad and gross and curious all rolled into one. I guess it makes me feel like my life is less of a mess. For the record, the inside of my car is very clean. 🙂

On Sat. May 6th, we went to the Library Book Sale in our town. I was pretty excited. They only have it twice a year. We missed it last time because that was the day that Mom had a stroke and went into the hospital. (Yesterday was 6 months since she died.) We got there a minute or two before opening and there were like 35 people ahead of us. They had the vintage books in a back room and going in there, it was all picked over. I only found 2 older books and after looking through everything in the place, I left with only 9 books. I was kind of bummed but we hit a few estate sales and found some really great books at those. We also ate good food and walked the dogs together every day even though we were worn out.

Skipping back a bit, on April 24th we went to the AT&T store near the mall in Niles, IL. I knew for months we had to go switch our cellphone and U-verse account from Mom’s name to Greg’s. Mom had worked for the phone company for over 35 years and got a discount. Since she lived with us, we put the phone in her name. When she died, they said to wait at least 3 months but less than 6 to switch them over. I had mentioned it to Greg often but you know how there’s never a good time for things like that. Our AT&T store usually has a couple hour wait to be helped, standing room only, wall to wall. But because we went at 6 pm on a Monday night, it was the emptiest I’d ever seen it! We were helped immediately by a nice girl named Oliwia but it still took 2 1/2 hours! First we decided to cancel our landline. No one ever calls us but telemarketers. So that took awhile. Then we had to cancel our cellphone from her name to ours. They no longer have “minutes” or charge for texts. We were able to bring our cellphone bill down about $50. Then we had to cancel our U-verse and go without Internet for 3 days! That made no sense to me. But they couldn’t just do a name switch on the computer. They had to send out a technician on Thurs. April 27th. Then we had to bundle our Directv with our U-verse. For some reason the bill was no cheaper for bundling. We’ll have to call Directv and find out why. Directv offers new customers great deals but if you’re loyal and stick with them, they keep raising your rates. Go figure.

Greg was at work when the AT&T tech came. The guy was very “ meticulous” and “precise”. Everything had to be “just so” and “by the rules”. When he called to say he was on the way, I told him we have 3 dogs and they are great with people. He didn’t say anything. Then when he came to the door, I opened it and he just stood there. Amber was barking and all 3 were trying to get close to him. I told him to come in but he just stood there. He said I had to “put them away”. The room we put them away in is the Sunroom which is the room the computer is in and he needed to work in. It’s the only room downstairs that has a door on it. I finally ended up putting all 3 on leashes and then taking them up to our bedroom and closing them in. They hated it and carried on the whole time. For 1 1/2 hours!! If they were allowed to be out and about, they would go up to him, see him and then ignore him. They would go about their business and not give him a second thought. Standing at the threshold to the house is the worst thing someone can do. Once you get past the doorway, they’re fine. We’ve had so many repairmen coming in, meter readers, etc. Just this year, 2 Directv guys, last fall several Nicor Gas guys, etc. Plus we’ve had the hot water heater installed, etc. and never had to put the dogs away. I literally screamed at the guy, “I’ll put them away SINCE YOU’RE AFRAID OF DOGS!” It pissed me off that this is their house and they can’t be out. Even the vet says they’re “people dogs”. Anyway, the tech replaced the modem and I just got back from mailing the old one in. They told me to take it to the UPS store and they’d box it up, make the label and it would all be free of charge. They’re unable to give us any faster internet due to how far we are from the main switching box in Uptown. The first new modem he brought in wouldn’t work and he had to go get another out of his truck. I’m happy to say our internet is working better than it had for years.

The RV is in the repair shop now getting new stairs, new batteries and fixing the hot water heater. We’ve been too busy to even have time to think about our first vacation of the year. The weather hasn’t been very cooperative either. It’s supposed to be almost 70 degrees this time of year but instead it’s been getting into the 30’s at night and low 50’s during the day. This year is one for the record books in every way. Not good but it has to get better as it goes along… right?!

Read Full Post »

Everything Goes Away Over Time

It’s another in a series of dark, rainy days. Gloom begets gloom. All my life, I thought I was a good writer. Not contest winning good but captivating. Someone able to hold the attention of my readers. A few months back, I read some of my earlier blog entries and my life story that I wrote at 21. It seems so mediocre to me. Not very good at all. Now I’ve lost my will to write. I don’t want to write emails, blog posts, Instagram posts, Etsy listings, grocery or to-do lists, etc. It could be because I’m grieving still for the loss of my mother. Or it could be that I’ve lost confidence in the only thing I was ever good at. The only thing I ever had confidence in to begin with. I’m not about to start day drinking although the though has crossed my mind. It gives me perspective. I always wondered at what point does someone actually start doing heroin?! A fully rational adult knows better but if life has no substance for them anymore, will they do anything to get their motivation back?! Before you start worrying that I’m on the verge of shooting up, I won’t. I can promise you that. Not just because I don’t care for needles or putting foreign substances in my body. Mostly because I already know it’s not the answer.

When Mom was alive and I was so busy taking care of her, I used her as an excuse. I couldn’t write more because I never had a block of time to sit down and write without being interrupted. I figured when she eventually passed, I would spend part of every day writing. I would either be writing a book or at least do regular blog entires. Instead I feel even less like writing. The truth is she never kept me from writing or anything else. I’m doing that all by myself.

My days are all a blur now. I no longer get up with my husband in the morning (7 am) like I always did until the first of the year. I usually get up by 8 or 8:30 am. I still walk the dogs every day except today because it is raining hard all day long with no break. I still cook meals and bake desserts. I stay caught up with the laundry. I keep my housework and hygiene routine. I pay bills on time. I still watch “Stories” on Instagram every morning and throughout the day. Snippets of other people’s full and vibrant lives. I feel almost paralyzed about sharing on social media. I’ve felt this way on and off since I first got on the internet 21 years ago. In the past month I’ve only posted a handful of pictures (mostly food). I’ve taken lots more and should be excited about sharing but feel almost afraid to share. I don’t know why but the more I need people, the more I pull away. I watch tv but only half-heartedly. TV was always such a joy to me. It was something I’d look forward to at night. Now I still watch the same shows (and some new ones) but most of the time I’m not giving it my full attention. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what happened in a particular episode.

I’m very short-sighted and impatient when it comes to getting over things. I like to forge ahead and get on with things. When I had the chicken pox at age 30, I was so afraid that the red marks left on my face (scars) would be there forever. I asked a coworker who had them in his 20’s if he remembered them on his face and he said yes. He said they go away over time. Of course, he was right. Everything goes away over time… A decade ago I had a medical condition I’ve never written about. Someday I will. It was so painful and kept coming back. I finally had surgery and it cured me forever. Sadly, for a few years I was petrified that it would come back. I mean, it was a daily worry that I’d have to deal with it again and forever. That was during the time I almost went on drugs for depression. I was making myself sick with fear. I couldn’t see long term. I never took the drugs and over time my anxiety about reoccurrence went away.

Now I’m back to that place again. The grief over my mom’s death has only intensified. I feel empty and alone. I feel sorry for myself. The worst thing is I’m worrying that this feeling will never end. Just through living all these years, I ought to know logically that I won’t always feel like this. However, I don’t know how long it will last. It could be weeks, months, years?! When I had Mom with me, I pushed myself to get things done every day. Extra things like listing things to sell online or just reorganizing things. Now I don’t push myself. I don’t know why. The only thing I can come up with is that “nothing matters”. It doesn’t make a difference if I do it or not. She’s still dead and I’m still here. I don’t even like posting about my grief on Instagram. People are so kind and wonderful leaving cheerful comments. But what it comes down to is there’s nothing anyone can do to help. It’s going to take time. I feel embarrassed that I’m not handling this better. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I want to be strong and be able to just go on without being phased by the loss. April 7th will be 5 months since Mom passed away. It seems like it should be long enough to live like this. I’ve always hated “wasting time”. I know how precious life is and grieving this long feels like a waste of time. Maybe it’s one of those things that just sneaks up on you. One day, without realizing it, I’ll notice that I no longer feel this way. That I’m able to find joy again in life. Only God knows how long I need to grieve and when he thinks I’m done. In the meantime, I’m soldiering on.

Read Full Post »

They Think We’re Old

Since I last wrote, Greg and I went to the dentist on Feb. 9th for cleanings. The dentist is always very prompt but this time he’d had an emergency and ran about 40 minutes late. The dentist apologized for keeping us waiting and I said, “I don’t mind. I’d rather wait than have what that guy had done.” Not kidding. Not even a little bit. 😉 He got a got good laugh about that. It was an old guy (looked like in his 80’s) and it sounds like he had a couple extractions. The dentist had his receptionist drive the guy home. I’ve never heard of that but it was very nice. Now we’re done with the dentist for 6 months. Greg had to get another blood draw that morning before his insurance would cover a new medication. He has about the best insurance around but they are balking at everything and refusing to cover certain drugs, etc. Anyway, Greg finally got on the new meds on Sat. Feb. 25th. He has to go back to the doctor on the 16th.
Saturday Feb. 25th was one of the worst days I’ve had, maybe ever. I didn’t feel good physically (nothing specific) but emotionally and mentally I was a wreck. I’m wondering if I’m all of a sudden in menopause and my hormones are out of whack. I felt like I couldn’t control my emotions. I was excessively sad, even though I didn’t want to be. I cried more that day than ever before. I need to get a sign that says, “It’s a bad day, not a bad life” because that day it felt like a terrible life. Believe it or not, I’m a pretty upbeat and positive person but couldn’t snap out of it. Luckily, it was only that one day. I hope I don’t have anymore days like that because that is no way to live.

Friday Feb. 17th, we met with the banker to finalize the transfer of stock. One of the 2 guys we deal with had a birthday and I asked how old he was. He said 34. When we got in the car later, Greg said to me, “They think we’re old.” or ‘To them, we’re old.” He’s probably right but we don’t really feel in our 50’s. We feel the same as our 30’s. It made me think how age is relative. I don’t think Mom ever felt 95 1/2 either! I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel more relieved after finalizing the stock but now I know why. The other day another thing came in the mail. This time it’s a Comcast stock that some place other than Computershare was administering. So it looks like I’ll have to replace the stock certificates and then transfer them. Which means I’ll have to get some more death certificates from my mom’s passing. Now I’m wondering if there’s even more out there than this. I’m not good at dealing with this type of stuff at all. On Sat. Feb. 25th we started our taxes. I had gathered up everything from us and Mom for taxes a few weeks ago. I put them aside and then I could’t find them! I finally found them yesterday in one of the first places I’d looked. Must’ve overlooked them the first time. Now I’m not sure everything is in there so will have to go through it to be sure and probably hunt a few things down.

The DNA test we ordered for Greg’s mother from Ancestry.com came in the mail on Tues. Feb. 14th. We called her that night to wish her a Happy Valentine’s Day and tell her it had come. We asked if she was free that Friday and she was. So after the banker, we went up to WI to see her. We got there at noon and left at 4:30 pm. First we got the saliva sample and added the stabilizing solution, then packed it up in the pre-paid mailing box. She wanted it sent in right away so we drove to the Sussex PO. (Mom and I lived in Sussex for 11 years.) We told her we’d take her to lunch for Valentine’s Day gift. We let her pick the place and she chose Maxim’s in Brookfield, WI. We’d never been there but it’s a greek place with a huge menu. It seems to be an old folks hangout. They had senior citizens being picked up by a private bus when we were getting there. Another was telling someone at the table next to us that they had had a big funeral lunch that day for everyone who’d attended their mother’s funeral. We all got the fish fry and it was ok. I wouldn’t get it again but it wasn’t the worst I’ve had either. We drove around a bit and saw how Pewaukee and the whole area has changed. I can barely recognize anything, it’s so built up now. We came back to her house and visited awhile. We were getting ready to go when we started talking about her cell phone. She’s got an iPhone 6+. She’s had it a few months and Greg’s brother Brian (the brain injured one) talked her into getting it. She said it cost like $600 when everything was added on. The sad thing is he didn’t teach her anything about how to use it!!!! So we stayed an extra hour just helping her with her phone. She had the volume off and down so she was missing all her calls. She didn’t know how to send or receive texts. Or look at pictures or go into any apps. She wasn’t even on Wi-fi even though she was paying for it. She has Directv for her tv but U-verse for her wifi. She doesn’t even have a computer but has wifi. Yet she didn’t have her phone set up to hook into her wifi. Greg worked on that while I showed her how to add other cities to the weather so she could see the weather where the other family lives. We were both very patient and enjoyed helping her. I don’t just do things for her, I make her do them or she won’t learn it. She needs about 20 more hours of teaching (minimum) but we had to leave. Next time we go up there, we’ll give her another lesson. The sad thing is her life would be so much more enriched if she actually used the phone instead of using it as a glorified paperweight! Also sad is that she has 5 other children (one across the street) who have never helped her with this…. 😦 When we got home, we both remarked how good we felt about going up there. It was the most pleasant time we’ve ever had up there. It might be because it was just one on one with her instead of a huge group of people that make us feel uncomfortable. Greg got an email from Ancestry.com saying that they’d received the sample and it would take 6-8 weeks to process it. Now we have to decide if we’re going up there for his sister’s St. Pat’s Day party, his mother’s birthday or sometime in between.

Saturday Feb. 18th, we went back up to WI to see Bad Boy. We had a nice time but it’s not really our scene anymore. The Milwaukee band was playing at The Route 20 Outhouse in Sturtevant, right outside of Racine. We had reservations and I was so nervous. I was really close to chickening out but curiosity won out. It was so warm that day that we didn’t even wear a coat. The whole weekend (like 5 days straight) it was in the upper 60’s to mid 70’s which is unheard of for Feb. We ate dinner up there at the club and I had chicken wrap and Greg had a pulled pork sandwich. I just didn’t want to eat anything that would make me spend the night in the bathroom. The restroom only has 2 stalls! We decided to take it real easy when drinking and had 3 beers total. We had quit drinking by 10 pm and that’s when Bad Boy started. First up was a band called Jasper Rude. They played all their own music and weren’t bad. The lead singer reminded me of Steve Perry from Journey. The club never got packed. A few hundred people only. They had a private party upstairs also. We were at one of the high tables on the sides. They get rid of the low tables to make a dance floor. Right in front of us, they had put a low table especially for the whores. There have always been groupies (I was one) and whores at rock shows. The times haven’t changed that. Only now since the band is older, so are the groupies and whores. I didn’t see one person under 40 in the place and Greg said it was more like no one under 50. These whores were older too (probably mid 40’s) but dressed much younger. It probably makes me sound bitter and jealous to call them that but i find it most descriptive. I came back to rewrite this so as not to offend anyone but changed it back. They were very entertaining to watch, as much so as the band. Bad Boy did 2 sets after Jasper Rude did one set. One of the sets was like an hour and a half long. In the old days, bands used to get free drinks. I don’t know if they still get that but the whores were buying the guys drinks. Also a male groupie bought them all shots. He and his girlfriend (who had never seen them before) came late (but before the band started) and had no seats. They were standing next to me and i told them they could sit with us. They said no, they wanted to stand. Fine. We only ended up dancing to one song, “Cheat On Me” but I had fun. In the past, I would’ve been out not he dance floor for the majority of songs. Now I’m too selfconsious (or hadn’t drank enough). When we came back and sat down, the girl next to me tried talking to me. The music was so loud, I couldn’t hear anything. Not a single word. I forgot how my ears were buzzing and almost hurt from how loud the music was. I told Greg I could’t hear her and he tried to find out what she wanted. She asked him, “Have you been together long?” He replied, “31 years” (slight exaggeration—it will be 31 since we met this June). Then she says, “You two are so cute out there dancing together.” Ew. It sounds so nice but her tone made me shudder. Like if you saw a grandma and grandpa out dancing in their 90’s. It just seemed so patronizing. Once again…they think we’re old… WE’RE NOT OLD!! Are we?! The older couple sitting across the room from us where the woman fell asleep sitting up in a chair at 8 pm and slept through the loud music might qualify as old…

Read Full Post »

Love Like There’s No Tomorrow ❤️

It’s been 3 months today since my mom passed away. I still miss her as much as you might imagine. However, I’ve found out that’s she’s inside me. Not only in my heart but in basically how I am, act, speak and look. 
When I was in college, a friend was looking at a professional portrait our little family had taken around the time I graduated from high school. It was just my dad, my mom and me. This friend commented that she’d never seen anyone look equally like both parents. Usually people favor one parent over the other in appearance, if not completely looking like a double. At the time, I never saw it. I thought I looked mostly like my dad. Now that she’s gone, I see her when I look in the mirror. Maybe only in the light behind my eyes because she had green eyes and I have brown. I hate looking in the mirror but seeing her makes me hate it a bit less. 

I feel like I’ve aged quite a bit since she died. I felt much younger than her because I was. 41+ years age difference will do that to you. Now all of a sudden, I am understanding how hard I pushed her to do things. I made her get dressed everyday, even putting on her own socks. I helped her as needed but didn’t let her get away with not doing it. I think if I hadn’t made her do those things, she would’ve lost the ability. The old, “If you don’t use it, you lose it”. I sit on the basement floor (carpeted) and sort laundry and pretreat stains, etc. Then getting up off the floor is no joke. I used to be able to do it like nothing but since I hurt my knee a year ago, it’s slow going. My knee is healed but “tricky” and gives me pain or acts up if I don’t watch it. I can now kneel on both knees. I pretty much marvel every day that Mom could get out of the bathtub by herself at 95 1/2. She was working in the garden every day weeding until age 88 or so. The fact that she could adapt to all the advances in technology is mind boggling. She grew up without electricity or running water. Back when there was a party line for the telephone and a horse and buggy to go to town. Yet she learned to drive a car at age 12. She lived through a lot of changes and embraced them all. She loved playing slot games on the computer.

We were very different personality-wise. She and my husband were both born in April and were similar in a lot of ways. I’m more calculated in doing things. Before doing things, I like to research things and do a lot of thinking and planning about them. Both of them would get an idea and just run with it. They’d try anything and always be up for an adventure. I’d have to be coaxed into it. Both my mom and husband dislike greeting cards. They also don’t like exchanging presents. My mom would send a few Christmas cards to her sister, her nieces and 2 coworkers she had met 70 years ago and had still kept in touch with. She liked receiving cards from these people. She disliked writing letters but would force herself to write her sister, brother and those coworkers a few times a year because she knew they’d write back. I grew up with a love of letter writing. I had penpals since I was 12 years old. Then I went into slams which was more writing. I’ve always loved sending cards and receiving them. Mom and Greg never wanted cards from me. They both thought it was stupid. So I obliged and never made them hardly any. It dawned on me one day that I have no cards from my Mom. Others whose mother died might have a shoebox or even bigger box just filled with cards they could look through telling how much their mother loved them. They could look at them over and over again. Instead I have memories of her telling me she loved me (up until the last 5 years or so) often and showing me in countless ways. My mom wasn’t a demonstrative person. She grew up in a time when you didn’t get hugs and were never told you were loved. Ever since I was a baby, she told me many times daily that she loved me and I always got hugs and kisses. She used to call me “Kissy” because I liked kisses so much. My dad never told me he loved me and didn’t give hugs or kisses. So I got all of my affection from Mom. When I was in high school, she’d send me off to school with a kiss on the lips and “Have a good day!”. Nobody really understood how close I was to my mom because I don’t know anyone else who had as close a relationship with their own mother. There was a girl in high school who was older than me by a 2 years. We were in the same grade but she’d been held back. So she was 18 and her mother had left her. Instead of kicking her out when she turned 18, the mother moved but must’ve paid the rent because she had a house to herself. Anyway, we rode the bus together and she came to the door to get me so we could walk several blocks ahead because we were one of the last stops and if we waited to get on, we wouldn’t get a seat on the bus and would have to stand the whole way (5 miles). She really resented my close bond with my mom and was downright jealous. She saw Mom kiss me on the lips and the next day there were rumors swirling all around school that I was a lesbian. It was a vicious thing to do to take something so innocent and loving and turn it into a lie. As with most rumors, there’s nothing you can do about them, people will either believe them or they won’t. But I was really hurt and even though I knew where her intentions came from, it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. I was so upset and didn’t want to tell my mom for fear that it would make her not want to kiss me goodbye every morning. But I did tell her because there wasn’t anything that I didn’t share with her. We got through that and our bond was even stronger. Only death can separate us from one other.

Yesterday I made a bunch of Valentines on the computer. It made me think of all this. I never know if others like getting cards but I try to acknowledge others and send them. I know I like getting them and typically only 2 or 3 send me any for the various holidays. I do cherish them. It makes me wonder how important it is to have tangible items that belonged to a dead person. My mom doesn’t have many possessions. She moved dozens of times throughout her life and didn’t keep things from her childhood or even early adulthood. She would give things away when she moved so she wouldn’t have to pay to transport them. Then in the last 10 years (5 years or so before the Alzheimers was diagnosed), she started throwing things out. She didn’t have a lot to begin with but any old cards or letters, she would read one last time and then put in the garbage. I used to argue with her about this but she felt so strongly about getting rid of the stuff, that I gave in and didn’t question it after that. She was always trying to get me to get rid of some of my stuff. The more she would egg me on, the harder I would hold onto things. She did get me to part with a lot when we moved from my childhood home in Eau Claire to Sussex, WI. 

I feel blessed to have had every single kiss, hug and declaration of love from my mom. I know not everyone is so lucky. I think the secret is to love like there’s no tomorrow. Which is what we always did. We never knew how much time we’d have together but we knew it wouldn’t be enough. Happy Valentine’s Day dear friends!! 🙂 Hold onto your loved ones with all your might!

Read Full Post »