Posts Tagged ‘#biopsy’

I can’t believe it’s been almost 7 months since I blogged. I lay in bed thinking about it every night. It’s hard to get back into it but I need to have an outlet. Even if it’s for my own personal reading at a later date, it needs to happen. Since July, things have been “ok”, “not so good”, “awful” and most recently TERRIBLE. I know I have a flair for the dramatic and that while things are happening they seem to be exponentially worse. But the last 2 months have brought life to a new low. 

I don’t know where to begin so I’ll briefly sum up the last half of 2019. In August we went to Green Bay, WI for a week’s vacation. It was great! We did everything we always do and had a great time. So much so that we went back for a week in October. That was also a good time. Our annual trip to Tunica, MS was a bust. We were there for over 3 weeks. It sucked. One of the casinos next to the RV park we stay in had closed for good before we got there. When we first started going there back in 1998, there were 13 casinos within a few miles. Now they are down to 6. The whole area is dying and depressed. Being there was a drag. The people who 2 decades ago were “southern friendly” are now indifferent. The casinos used to give away so many free gifts, free slot play, free buffets, free hotel rooms/rv sites, etc. They now give away nothing. It used to be a nice break from reality to be able to gamble on slot machines and only lose a small amount of money. Now no matter how much you bring, it’s never enough. You can’t make your money last, let alone win. Hubby did win a drawing for $500 free slot play at Sam’s Town but that didn’t last long. We did a lot of soul searching and we’re not even sure we want to go back to Tunica again. It’s sad because it’s been our tradition. While we were there the weather was excessively cold. It used to be in the 70’s when we got there and have daytime temps in the 60’s. Many days were in the 30’s while we were there. Then our heat quit working. We had to go out and buy a portable heater. That helped but then the heat started working again. We’ve been having more problems than usual with our RV and had been looking to get a new one. A newer USED one since the prices are ridiculous. We looked at several dealerships and they all had very little inventory. The prices were high and the layouts were not what we wanted. Now we’re trying to decide if we even want to continue RVing. Everything has turned into a huge hassle… We had planned to go to Tunica over Christmas like we’ve done the past few years. We were so turned off, we cancelled it and then were thinking of going somewhere else. The weather wasn’t cooperating but for the most part, we were dealing with too much else in December.
As I’ve mentioned before, our family doctor died a few years ago and we started going to a new doctor. In August I had been a full year without a period. Then when we went on vacation, I had a period. It was a full period that lasted about a week. I hadn’t had any bleeding since.  I had been overdue for a Pap smear but Dr. Z just didn’t seem like the type to do it. As I’ve also said before, he doesn’t care about women’s health. I called to make an appt. for myself and my hubs. I was trying to get a Thurs. before we left on vacation in Oct. I called a few weeks in advance but they were trying to get us in while we’d be gone. I told “Jen” who answered the phone, we needed to come on a certain week. I had first asked “Does Dr. Z do Pap smears?” and she said yes. So she squeezed us in for 3:15 pm on the Thurs. I wanted. I thanked her by name for squeezing us in and then said “I’ll see you on XXX X at 3:15 pm”. I am very squeamish about having pelvic exams. I had some bad experiences with doctors when I was in my early 20’s. I’m also fat and don’t like taking my clothes off. I knew I could get through this since at least I’ve seen this doctor in person more than a few times. I took a bath the night before and then we ran some errands the morning of the appt. and I took another bath right before leaving to go get examined. I’m self-conscious and want to be clean enough. Then we get there and the waiting room is packed, standing room only. I go up to the glass partition to tell them we’re here and they say, “no, your appt. is for 2 weeks from today”. I told them I had talked to Jen on such and such a date and that she squeezed us in. I asked to speak to Jen. “She’s with a patient”. So we can’t get in that day. Both hubby and I were hopping mad. We told them to cancel the fictitious appt. that they had us down for and we made another appt. for after the first the of the year. Then right before we were going to leave for our Thanksgiving trip, we were trying to get our prescriptions filled. Hubby needed one of his blood pressure meds and I needed my thyroid meds. After dealing with the pharmacy, we called the doctor’s office to find out why they won’t refill the prescriptions. They said not until he sees us. Our old doctor would refill as long as he had seen you in the last YEAR. This guy can’t go 6 months without seeing us in person. So we had to make an appt. and hubby had to go without meds and I had to go without my thyroid meds for 10 DAYS! This isn’t like they didn’t know we were out of meds. Some doctor’s offices, if you have an appt. made, they will give you a month’s worth to tide you over. Not this jerk! So this appt. was supposed to be for a Pap smear and then meds refills.
I told the doctor what had been going on with the one time bleeding and he said he couldn’t do the Pap smear. That anytime you bleed after menopause was serious and I needed to go to a specialist. He gave me the name of a doctor  (Dr. B) that his wife goes to in the same hospital. Then the nurse came in to take our blood. I had her take it out of my hand (visible veins) with a baby needle and she still missed the vein!! I should have asked if she was “Jen”. So that was twice I had been mentally prepared (& physically) to get a Pap smear and it didn’t happen. So I called to get an appt. with Dr. B which was Thurs. Dec. 5th. The exam went ok but I found the doctor VERY AGGESSIVE. I had hubby in the room with me. The doctor said he thought the one period was just “the last hurrah” of an old egg. I believed that, too. Then he said “to be sure, you need to have an ultrasound to check the thickness of your uterine lining”. If it is more than 4 mm, there was a 5-8% chance it was cancer. I thought those were good odds. I told him I felt more comfortable waiting to see if I bleed again and then coming in. I told him “I don’t believe in having UNNECESSARY TESTS”. He turned into a bulldog at that and said that to him, it wasn’t unnecessary. I said I should be the one to make that decision and he said no! He’s the one who decides. I was appalled. He could tell I was not happy. It reminds me of all the testing for cancer hubby had in June/July 2018 that turned out to be nothing. Hubby agreed with the doctor which I didn’t appreciate. Then Dr. B went on to say that the ultrasound was no big deal and they did it right here in the office. So I reluctantly agreed. I assumed I would come in after the first of the year for it. I went up to the window in his office to make the appt. and NO, it had to be done within a week! It also couldn’t be done in his office (he was overbooked) so I had to go to the hospital imaging area for it. I went home and called the number on the sheet and got an appt. for Friday the 13th. I’ve never had a baby so I’ve never had an ultrasound. It turned out to be 2 different ultrasounds. One of the pelvis (outside the body) and one inside the uterus. Good God, both were incredibly painful. I don’t think they are supposed to be but the woman from India who did it was pressing down so hard, it felt like a piece of metal pushed onto me. I think she was afraid it wouldn’t register through my fat. She did the outside one first and that was painful but I didn’t let on. Then for the inside one, she took what looked like a toilet brush and put a clear plastic bag over it and a pound of lube and pushed it all over my insides. That was more uncomfortable than painful but I wouldn’t want to go through it again. Dr. B had me schedule an appt. with him for the 17th to go through my ultrasound results. At that time he said my uterine lining showed it to be 6 mm. He went into a speal about how “extra body fat often leads to uterine cancers”. I was so mad because I felt like he was treating me like the only fat person on earth and if you haven’t looked around, most people are fat. I didn’t say anything but was pissed. He told me he wanted to do an endometrial biopsy in 2 days. I had heard that they are VERY painful and asked him if this was so. He said, “they can be”. He said they have to open the cervix and then fish in a “pipette” which looks like a long white pipe cleaner that has a drill on the bottom that is twisted into the lining. I asked him if it isn’t harder to open the cervix if you haven’t had a baby. He said “very much so”. I had spent most of the month reading scary shit online which I don’t recommend. He gave me a prescription for 2 pills. One to be taken at bedtime and one in the morning. They were Misoprostol 200 mcg. From what I read this is what you are given to abort a baby. My appt. was for 1 pm on Thurs. Dec. 19th. Believe it or not, I slept the best I’ve slept in months the night before the procedure. I woke up in a good mood and not worried. I knew I would survive it and it wouldn’t last long. He came in and gave me a shot to numb the cervix. Hubby later told me “good thing you didn’t look because the needle was this long (gesturing with his hands apart 6-8” aka HUGE)”. The doctor had also had me take 3 Advil before the procedure. I could feel what was happening but I just kept myself relaxed and knew it would be over soon and it was. It was still an unpleasant experience. The doctor said it went well and inside my cervix was mucus type liquid that may have been what made the lining look thick on the ultrasound. He said it may be up to a week to have results but he may have them Monday and would call right away. This was before Christmas and all I could think of was how nice it would be to get an all-clear as a Christmas present. Well, we waited and finally got the call the following Friday Dec. 27th. I missed the call and he left a voice mail that everything came back normal. I don’t have to come back unless I have bleeding. This should have been good news but instead it was ant-climatic. I felt like I’d gone through all of that for nothing. Just as I suspected would be the case. Not that I want to be proved wrong by getting cancer but the guy was just too aggressive for my tastes. One incident should not be that alarming with no family history of gynecological disorders.
The main reason it was so anti-climatic was that something awful happened on Dec. 3rd to my husband. I’m not allowed to talk about it. Believe me, I HATE when people say that!! I believe don’t bring something up if you can’t get into the details!!!!!!! But this is such a major, life-altering thing that I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. All I can say is it was one of those right place, wrong time things. It was bad enough on its own but then the situation escalated several times. Hubby had a bunch of use-or-lose vacation and he took it from Dec. 17th (the day of my ultrasound results appt.) until Jan. 6th.  We stayed home because the hookup for the turn signal and brake lights from the Jeep to the RV quit working and we didn’t have time to get it in to the dealership for repair between our Nov. trip and leaving so soon in Dec. But we were in no mood to travel anyway. We stayed home and dealt with my health issue until we got the all clear and the rest of the time dwelled on the horribleness that is our lives now. Basically worrying ourselves sick because everything is out of our control now. Hubby is a little more than 4 years from retirement and he is ready to walk away any minute. But it would do no good until this weight is off us. It was an agonizing vacation. Since hubby went back to work, things are no better. I hate to be so cryptic but all I can say is it’s demoralizing. You live your life right, keep to yourself, work hard, don’t bother anyone and then one day you encounter evil in the form of a person. Twelve years ago this summer we were living a similar but different nightmare. I’m sorry that I’m unable to go into this with you. It would bug me if someone else wrote this and didn’t say what it was. As soon as I’m able, I promise to tell you all about it! In the meantime, I am hoping to blog more since I need somewhere to vent.

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