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Posts Tagged ‘#alone’

So hubby’s been gone 5 weeks today. I haven’t felt like checking in with the blog but figure I should anyway. Only a week and a half to go! The time has gone surprisingly fast. I knew it would because as my dad used to say, “Time waits for no man”. At first I had all kinds of ideas of things I wanted to get done while he was gone. That pretty much went out the window right away. I gave myself permission to just get through it, day by day. At first I was really fearful to be alone and not happy about it. After about 2 weeks, I relaxed into it and by 4 weeks, I no longer minded being alone! It’s funny because at the 4 week mark when I was getting comfortable with hubby being gone, he started getting homesick. Each day it gets harder for him and easier for me! It’s weird to have us on different pages at the same time.

The first few weeks, it was like I was missing a limb. I’ve learned I’m stronger than I think and if I had to, I could manage alone indefinitely. I’ve only had minor problems so far like with Netflix having to be reset (which sounds like NBD but it is with the way we have it set up) and the pond filter getting shut off from a storm which caused it to fill with mud and then pump out half the water in the pond. I had to take the filter apart and clean it twice and then fill the pond and it’s been working ever since. Our neighbor from kitty corner across the street (we’re 3 houses from the corner) jumped me one day while I was walking the dogs to get some of our koi fish. We have two GIANT koi that had tons of babies (all sizes) and hubby had offered Brian some (free) in the spring. Brian has a pond but zero fish. He wanted to wait then and so this was about at the 2 week mark. I had just cleaned the filter and the water was all stirred up and muddy. He brought 2 nets and a bucket and came over and we tried to catch the fish. It was like a 3 stooges or Laurel & Hardy routine with the 2 of us working at it. Finally he left and left his supplies and said he’d be back in a week or so. The other day he just rapped at the door (we have no doorbell because the place for it is too narrow and the wire too short and the last one we had got burned out from someone pushing it and it stuck) and scared me and the dogs half to death. I had given him my cellphone number and we had texted previously so I don’t know why he didn’t text first. Anyway, he came in the backyard and tried again. I fed the fish (but I had done it earlier that day so they weren’t as hungry as if it was the first time). Brian was able to catch ONE fish. He left and said he may try again. I told him he could always wait until my husband came home. 
 
I did have a spell between week 2 and week 4 of being down in the dumps. The worst was Memorial Day weekend. It probably had a lot had to do with the weather. We had nothing but RAIN the entire month of May. In fact, it broke a record for the wettest May EVER! So far I’ve cut the grass 5 times since he’s been gone and will probably get in 2 more times before he gets back. The last week or two I’ve been getting in a lot of reading so I can get another book sale going soon. I also cut some rhubarb and made rhubarb cake once. I haven’t gone to many estate sales. I went to one last weekend and bought nothing. I skipped going the 2nd weekend entirely. Other weekends I went to one or two. My only finds besides books were a flemish pyrographed box from 1909 and an antique tennis racket made into a mirror. I don’t have any plans to go to any sales this weekend since nothing looks good. Besides, it’s just not fun going alone. It’s like going to the movies alone. I did that once in college to see Xanadu since none of my friends wanted to go and I wanted to see it badly. The movie wasn’t good and I was paranoid about being seen out by myself like a leper. 
 
Last Friday I went to the ATM to get cash and went to the drive-up one instead of the one inside. Wouldn’t you know that it didn’t give me any money or a receipt but I got a notice on my phone that it took the money out?! I was pulled in too close to get out of the vehicle and there were several cars behind me. I didn’t know what to do so called the branch and told them. I got a nice guy named Joe who came out and told me he’d call it in for me. I asked him if this had ever happened before and he said “Yes, machines make mistakes, too”. Today I was trying to pay my hubby’s government credit card that had his flight and one week of hotel stay on it and it would’t go through. I was doing this online through the Chase app. It kept coming up with an error saying it couldn’t be done from that account, pick another one. I tried several times and then called the bank. I kept getting a message from the bank that “all bank representatives are busy, please call back later”.  I tried at least 4 times and then tried the 1-800 number for online banking. You have to enter your account number, last 4 digits of your social and push a bunch of buttons for options. I was getting connected to a live person and then click, I was disconnected! That did it. I decided to drive over to the bank and see if I could get help in person. There were a lot of cars there but several reps were idle. 2 of them took me into a cubicle and helped me. I had to log in on their desktop and finally got it straightened out. Right now I am fed up with Chase bank AND AT&T.
 
So hubby has been right at the border dealing with the detainees or as he calls it, “Doing the Lord’s work”. He came down with either the flu or food poisoning after a few weeks. He was able to get over it on his day off and slowly recover. Now it sounds like everyone he works with has a cold there. He says it’s allergies but I wonder. He can’t take any pictures inside the facility he is working at but was able to take some at the top of the hill next to his building. We have our cellphone bill automatically paid which I was always against but they were supposed to give us a deal and they just hosed up everything.  Last month his iPhone 7 was finally paid off (2 years at $30+ a month). This month our bill was supposed to go down $30+ but instead it went up $30+. Looking at the bill that came in the mail (the bill comes AFTER it is paid), there is a charge for data transfers on May 6th for $61.19! We have unlimited talk and text and 6 GB data which we almost never use. Looking closer at the bill, it shows that it is roaming charges FROM MEXICO. Oh please! He hasn’t gone to Mexico at all and didn’t even bring his passport. Now trying to get this money back from AT&T will be like pulling teeth. We are ready to go to a different cellphone company. We’ve always been loyal to AT&T but at some point, enough is enough. What co. are you with? Have you had good luck? What companies have you heard good things about? Besides customer service being atrocious, cellphone service is terrible with AT&T. When we travel we often don’t get service and the calls aren’t clear. We’ll have to take a day when hubby comes home and go to the AT&T store and get it cleared up. 
 
I went to the doctor on Friday May 25th. The doctor gave me a prescription for a liquid thyroid medicine that you put under your tongue once a day in the morning. He had me wait to find out test results the following Tues. My levels are now in the normal range so then I went to get the scrip filled. It was a huge hassle with CVS. They had to order it and I had to go get it the next day. First I had to call and make sure it had come in. The doctor was telling me that the generic pill I was taking doesn’t work as well as the name brand liquid. That the liquid gives you the same amount every day and the pills fluctuate. I’d never heard that about generics. I’ve felt slightly better since I started taking it 6 days ago. 
 
As for life, I’m handling it like a boss…

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So many months have passed since I posted or even looked at my blog. Most of that time I didn’t even think of it or if I did, I quickly put it to the side. I just haven’t been in a writing mood. We had computer problems in early November. Our old beloved computer died and we replaced it with a more recent version of the same. I had never used our old computer much and neither had my husband. We use our iPhones or iPads. The old computer had been my mother’s lifeline. She went on it every day after breakfast until lunch. Sometimes after lunch until dinner. Occasionally even in the evenings. She played casino games and they kept her occupied and entertained. I hate change more than the average person. I didn’t want a new computer but sometimes there’s no other choice. To think this new computer was never touched by her hands or seen by her eyes or heard by her ears is weird. I still feel like I’m dealing with her loss every day. I don’t dwell on it but she was such a big part of my life for my entire life. I hadn’t been alone as long as she was alive. In the 2 1/2 years since she’s passed, I’ve been spending my days alone while my husband is at work. I’ve gotten used to it but can’t say I enjoy being alone.

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Today at 2 pm, I came home from taking my hubby to the airport. He is being deployed to work at the border helping Customs with the illegal aliens. He is expected to work 12 hour days at least 6 days a week. For the past 2 weeks, he’s known there would be a chance he’d be sent but also no guarantee that he would. They had sent 2 people from his office and a 3rd was supposed to go but had a job interview. We found out Monday afternoon that he would be going today. He was supposed to go next week on May 8th. A week to get ready would have been fine. A day and a half?! Not so much. We were both kind of freaking out. Sunday we had gone grocery shopping and shopped like he’d be at home. I had been trying to decide when to have my book sale. I announced it on Sat. Night for Monday night. If I had known, I would’ve done it sooner. Despite the short notice, we were able to prepare pretty well. In a day and a half, Greg: put down fertilizer and Grubex on the grass, cleaned out the bottom of my vacuum, cut the dogs’ nails, showed me how to start the lawnmower (he got a new one last summer that I’d never used), showed me how to drive his car (I’d only drove it ONCE since he got it and it was a month after he got it), showed me how to unplug Netflix if it won’t load, showed me how to change the ink in the printer (we got a new one in Dec.), helped me wrap and send out 10 packages after my book sale, told me how to clean the filter on our koi pond, etc. The list goes on and on. We also went to the bank, PO and pharmacy. I won’t hide how heavily I rely on him but it’s mutual. We each have our own chores around the house and it makes us a great team. I do the bills and handle the checking account, I wash our clothes, load and unload the dishwasher (& hand wash whatever else), I do the cleaning, I feed the dogs and walk them daily (on weekends we do it together), and so much more. When we both do our parts, it runs like a well-oiled machine. 
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Greg didn’t find out where he was going until late yesterday morning. His 2 coworkers were sent to Texas, the Brownsville area. He’s very happy that he’ll be in the San Diego vicinity. I so wish I could go with him! The 3 dogs make it hard, if not impossible. If he has to do another stint, he will make sure he can bring our RV, me and the dogs. 45 days is a long time to be gone! He was gone for 6 weeks in March-April of 2010 and it just about broke me. I had mom with me for company which helped a lot. We stayed home most of the time which we were both fine with. 45 days alone is another story. I will have no problem keeping busy doing things around the house. Maybe I can finally get organized. I also have no end of books to read which will be a treat. A lot of women would jump for joy having time away from their spouse. I am just the opposite. We do everything we can together and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We have so much fun! I don’t really want to know how it feels to be a widow or a single person. I will be lost without him. Praying nothing terrible goes wrong for either of us.
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We went to the doctor last Thurs. and we both had blood work. Monday night the nurse called with our results. She told Greg to get a measles/mumps/rubella booster shot since his immunity for it is down. Especially since he’ll be at the border with the unwashed masses. Of course, the doctor’s office didn’t have any on hand. Hopefully, he can get one when he gets to CA. Last week the doctor put me on antibiotics for a sinus infection. Now the nurse tells me my thyroid is underactive and I need medicine. I didn’t see this coming. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so tired, I fall asleep like I have narcolepsy. I used to be able to be on the go every second and now I get winded and have to rest. I just thought it was the difference of someone whose in their 50’s versus their 30’s or 40’s. We’ll see if this does the trick. I know I’ll be getting out of the house at least once since the doc wants to see me before a month is up.
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I am thrilled that Greg is going to have this experience. It is something he will remember and talk about for the rest of his life. I just wish I could share it! I am going to try to post more to social media. I have such an aversion to posting, I don’t know why. If it’s fear of judgement or just insecurity in general. I haven’t posted more than a few photos all year. I used to love to post. I’m also going to write some letters which I also used to love to do but haven’t done for half a year. Plus blogging, if only for myself. The main thing is I have to keep my spirits up. Not go down a deep, dark rabbit hole. Hopefully reconnecting on here will help!

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First off, I want to say that my title is not meant as an insult to #BlogHer13. No matter how it looks, this is NOT an anti-BlogHer post. This my experience, seen through my eyes, felt with my heart and held in my soul. I’m not sharing this to rip on the conference or even really complain. I am chronicling what happened and my thoughts on it. To reiterate, I am not blaming BlogHer for my time at the convention being less than stellar. I accept the responsibility for the lion’s share of why I was disappointed in some aspects of it and some people. From the comfort of my own home, I can now look back and say I’m glad that I went. Even though conditions (of my own making) were less than ideal, it is an experience I am glad to have under my belt.

 

Downtown Chicago

Downtown Chicago

Overall, I was awed and impressed with the sheer size and volume of the conference. You can hear that there’ll be 5,000 people there but seeing it is a whole other thing. That’s a small city. For someone who doesn’t come to the big city often, it was overwhelming. As I told someone I met and talked with at length, I’m like a 10 year old kid with my mouth hanging open staring up at the skyscrapers when I come to Chicago. Actually, I’m pretty sure 10 year old kids would be less fazed by the urban surroundings than I was.
 

Chicago Skyline

Chicago Skyline

The BlogHer network of women did an amazing job of organizing such a big event. Just finding a location to hold that many has to be daunting. McCormick Place is so huge, it dwarfs a lot of small towns in Wisconsin (the state I grew up in). The fact that they could provide food, beverage, entertainment/amusement and classes for that many is incredible. Overall, they did a phenomenal job of meeting the needs of so many people. The food was really good, better than average for being produced on a large scale. The service was good. The sponsors and Expo Hall was a huge hit with everyone. I really didn’t find fault with the conference as a whole.
 

My BlogHer13 Badge

My BlogHer13 Badge

I read some of the advice posts prior to going to #BlogHer13, hoping to get a feel for the conference. I followed some of the advice which turned out to be erroneous. I have a couple of suggestions for improvements like adding a coat check where you can have your bag of swag held so you don’t have to carry it all day and all night. I should’ve weighed mine but I bet it was 30 lbs. This isn’t even what I picked up in the Expo Hall, this is the bag I was given at the booth right next to the registration. Either that or I wish someone had told me NOT to pick it up until the end of the day. I schlepped that puppy with me into the bathroom (I never sat it on the floor), to the sessions, through the lunch line, to the shuttle bus (getting lost on the way there), to the keynote and to the parties. I didn’t open it until after lunch and saw it had 3 HUGE bottles of juice and flavored water inside. (Next time, a sample size should be 4 ounces!)  I should have left them somewhere but I left my common sense at home that day. After carrying them for hours, I felt like I should get something for it. Like a medal or a sling for my arm. I tried switching positions, holding it in one hand or the other, putting it on my shoulder, carrying in in my arms. It totally sucked and made my day very unpleasant.
 

My Mini Moo Cards

My Mini Moo Cards

I also carried this swag bag to the Expo Hall. The first day I didn’t even pick up any goodies because I seriously couldn’t carry another thing! I went through and took pictures and it totally drained my iPhone 4 battery down. I ended up spending a half hour 2-3 times the first day standing alone against a wall (all the benches near outlets were taken) waiting for my phone to charge. The 2nd day I only did it once and then was in a session that had outlets on the table and I was able to charge mine. The first night my phone got so low it wouldn’t turn on. I was waiting in the lobby of the Sheraton for hubby to pick me up so I whipped out my charger and plugged in behind the chair I was sitting on.
 

View of the River from The Sheraton

View of the River from The Sheraton

The BlogHer13 smartphone app was helpful to a point. I wish they’d had a service AT the conference where you could be matched up with another person who came alone and wanted a buddy to do stuff with.
 
No one was overtly mean to me at BlogHer13. But I did find a large number of people unfriendly or uninterested in interacting. I did reach out to several, usually the people sitting alone. I hate to see someone alone because I know how I feel. The few I tried to talk to made me realize they were alone by choice, not by circumstance. The people who were there because they ran a company (not vendors) or ran the website for an organization were the ones least willing to chat. They were obviously there for work and unless you also blogged professionally (in the business world), they had no use for you.
 
The transportation issue was such a big deal that hubby offered to drive me down to McCormick Place. You’d think the hard part would be over. It did ease my mind until I was being dropped off on the first day. We got lost driving the wrong way on Lake Shore Drive and couldn’t get off to turn around. Then when we got to McCormick Place, I jumped out of the car to ask if this is where the blogging convention was. I was told it was. So I said goodbye, grabbed my purse and went in. Only to find out I was in the WRONG BUILDING. I started heading towards the area they directed me and saw a woman hustling and I started talking to her. I asked her if she was going there. She said she was and I asked if I could tag along since she was looking for the newbie breakfast. She was walking so fast I could hardly keep up with her. She was probably flustered but didn’t offer her card either. I asked her if she had gotten those. She said she had. She was local as well and had driven herself. Apparently she had people she was meeting and when I mentioned I was alone, she didn’t say I should join her or anything.
 

BlogHer13 Registration

BlogHer13 Registration

I understand how much fun it must be to be looking forward to meeting up with people. I understand how people are with their friends and don’t want an outsider trying to squeeze in. I don’t understand why it’s ok to exclude people. It doesn’t matter how young or old someone is or how fat, I can talk to them. Usually. I need a little help though. I can’t do it all by myself. Then it would be a monologue, not a conversation. We’ve all been there where we try to talk to someone and they are less than receptive. You don’t keep trying, you give up. I sat by one woman who I felt sorry for and found out I should’ve kept my pity to myself. We talked but it just felt like it was a huge intrusion on my part to bother her. She actually closed her eyes every time she looked at me! I saw her in the bathroom the next day (a few feet apart) and she didn’t say hi. Neither did I.
 
I went in to the event with an open mind and found the whole thing quite cliquish. It was like being back in jr. high on the first day of school and you don’t know where to sit in the lunch room. Unless you already had friends from the year before, you have to sit with someone. They either talk to you and you become friends for the entire duration at the school or they ignore you and make you feel like a freak.
 
I met less than 20 people the first day. I have 13 business cards from that day. There are some I met that I didn’t exchange cards with. At the newbie breakfast, I hadn’t yet picked up my Moo cards. No one offered theirs and I didn’t feel right asking when I didn’t have mine yet. I later came up with the eloquent phrase, “Wanna swap cards?” The saving grace for me walking in late to the Newbie breakfast was seeing Deb Rox. I follow her on Twitter and Instagram and instantly recognized her. She gave me a warm welcoming hug which has elevated her to rock star status in my book. I already liked her and just seeing in person what a caring individual she is gave me hope. When she was doing introductions for a section at the Voices Of The Year, she just radiated. As she described the women who would be reading their blog posts, she was so genuine. It moved me as much or more than some of the readings. I hope she won’t be offended if I tell everyone that Deb and I are both big girls. In her case it’s because she has the biggest heart! Her heart takes up 90% of her body. 😉
 
The people that I met that were nice to me, I will never forget. I just wish I’d met more people like the good ones. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. My blog isn’t for everybody’s tastes and neither am I. I got the impression that a lot of people felt that if you didn’t have something in common (besides blogging in general), it wasn’t worth talking to some people. To put it more bluntly, if they felt they had nothing to gain by talking to you, they didn’t. I don’t look at it that way at all. Everyone has a mouth and a blog, they can spread the word of your good deeds or bad. I choose not to call out anyone that was less than nice but I’m going to do a later post and highlight the gems that I found from the conference.
 
On Friday at 3 pm, I sent out a tweet: “Is there anyone who’s here alone that wants to go through the Expo Hall at #BlogHer13 with me at 4 pm & catch the shuttle to the Sheraton?” I sent it out twice and got no reply. This doesn’t just go to my followers but everyone who searches for #BlogHer13. Not one reply. <crickets> I didn’t let that deter me. I took the Expo Hall by storm and went around even though it was crowded. I wasn’t shy and talked to the folks at the sponsors’ booths. I had my picture taken ALONE with a chicken hat and pink feather boa for the Food With Love contest. My motto is “the more ridiculous the better!” It’s so much fun doing this stuff alone. NOT. After awhile, I had to go charge my phone and then start finding the shuttle. I knew it was on the first floor so I took the escalator down and ended up on the wrong side of the building. Gah! By then the whole day was getting to me. I was worn out from lugging my bag of tricks around, hurt from being shunned like an Amish woman with a neck tattoo and on the verge of tears. You’ll be happy to know I didn’t cry! I regrouped and formed a plan. I knew I could call my hubby to come get me at any time. I didn’t want to miss the Voices Of The Year so I decided I would get to the Sheraton and keep trying. The rest of the night wasn’t bad. I met a lovely gal at the VOTY so wasn’t technically alone. I went to the VOTY reception, ate standing up (not a fan) and met someone else standing alone. She was actually with someone from her hometown and took pity on me. They both included me and we went together to the White Cloud Lounge and then the Come As You Are Party. (More on the parties in another post.) I lost them there and I continued on awhile after that. I made a decent showing on Friday.
 

The more ridiculous the better!

The more ridiculous the better!

Sat. I was feeling shell shocked and full of trepidation. I got dropped off at the right building but the wrong end of the building. I even walked up a non-moving escalator (2 flights) to an elevator that didn’t work and back down again. I did find a cool hanging art waterfall that I would have missed if I hadn’t gotten lost. I got my food and went and sat at a table by myself. I had a hard time even trying on the 2nd day. It is such a hard thing to put yourself out there and hope you don’t get rejected. The first day I listened to all the speeches at the meals but the 2nd day, I spent some of the meal times in the Expo Hall. That place is huge and I bet I didn’t make it to half the sponsors, even though I went there repeatedly.
 

Art Waterfall Closeup

Art Waterfall Closeup

I didn’t really meet anyone new the 2nd day. I saw people I’d met the day before and the ones that were originally nice were nice again. I got the guts up to be bold and go introduce myself to Tanis Miller after her session on Storytelling. I gave her a card and it was like I felt in my groupie days with local bands. I rush up and say hi and a few words, my mind goes blank and I rush away. I am proud of myself for pushing my way into the Midlife Bloggers session 5 minutes before it started to go up to the front panel. I have been tweeting with Jen Baier (who works at AARP) for a couple of years and she insisted I meet Jen Lee Reeves, her coworker, who was working the event. I saw on the schedule that Jen was a speaker at the Midlife Bloggers session and even though I wasn’t going, I knew this might be our only chance to connect. I wanted to go to her session but another session I was interested in was at the exact same time! I didn’t want to let Jen Baier down and not try so I mustered all my courage and pushed to the front and introduced myself. We hugged and I asked her if she’d be at the AARP booth in the expo later. She said she would and so I told her I’d be down there and we’d take pictures then. As it turned out, she wasn’t there later but I met 2 of her coworkers and took their picture.
 
A lot of people plan to go to BlogHer13 a year in advance. They make arrangements to meet and hang out with specific people. Since I didn’t even decide to go to BlogHer13 until 9 days before the event, I was out of luck. Believe it or not, I DO know people online but they either had gone to the previous BlogHers and were skipping this one or had no intention of ever going. If I had just had ONE person to pal around with, I know my experience would’ve been different. I do fantastic one on one and even if I’d been with another newbie, I’d have been more outgoing. If I am trying to help someone else out, I’ll go to greater lengths than I will to help myself. Like asking directions, etc.
 
It takes a lot to make me cry. But when I do, it is the ugly cry that won’t stop. I can’t stand crying in front of people. If someone says, “Are you ok?”, it seems to make it worse. If I do breakdown and sob, it is almost impossible for me to recover. I know some people can be in tears one minute, wipe their eyes and go on but I’m just not built that way. If I get that upset, where my emotions are raw, my anguish manifests itself physically. On Sat. after going around the Expo Hall alone (again), it was like the stress and frustration from the entire 2 days had reached its peak. I got out my phone and tried to find the Serenity Suite and couldn’t. I knew it was on the first floor and should have looked for it when I wasn’t a basket case. BlogHer has the best of intentions by providing a place to go when you need a break. However, if you don’t try to locate it until you’re sobbing, I guarantee you won’t have your wits about you to be able to find it. I even tried searching #SerenitySuite on Twitter and the wifi wasn’t working (which happened for me a lot of the time). So I gave up on that idea and headed for the shuttle bus to the Sheraton. Even though maps are provided, I still ended up going to the wrong end of the building. This made me cry harder. By this time I had a phrase repeating on blast in my head where I just kept thinking “I can’t even buy a friend.” 😦
 
I felt like I’d failed. I had such high hopes that I’d be able to seamlessly find my way around, easily chat with everyone I crossed paths with, have my picture taken with a ton of bloggers, etc. Maybe my expectations were unrealistic. At that point, I was just DONE. I hated to miss the fashion show and the reception and the CheeseBurgHer party. I also felt like I was leaving in defeat. When I got on the shuttle, I had called my hubby to come get me. I tried to find the bathroom off the hotel lobby and couldn’t. I even looked at the map. I had even been to it the night before and was just too shook up to find it. I would’ve normally waited in the lobby in a comfortable chair. Instead, I went and sat out front of the hotel on a window ledge (at ground level! I wasn’t quite suicidal) and waited. The traffic was so bad that it took him over an hour to make it downtown. I got in the Jeep and burst into tears. I told my husband how my day went.
 
I don’t know why it had to be that way. I’m not that hard to get along with. I’m a fun person. I know this. I don’t need a lot of handholding. I’m not the kind of person who crowds others or is too needy. All I know is that I’m going to make a point to always include others or make the offer that they are welcome wherever I am at anytime. Maybe I should set up a Hug Booth right in the middle of the convention hallway (not the expo), where people walking by can come by for a hug. I would definitely be heckling people as they walk by, telling them to come and get their free hug. The people who were alone, I could tell them about other really nice people I met that need/want someone to hang out with. I like bringing people together!
 
If you’re familiar with Brazilian steakhouses, you know that they give you a gizmo (don’t know the technical term) that is red on one side, green on the other. It sits in front of you on the table and you turn it green side up when you want the waiters to bring you more meat. You flip it to red when you are done, taking a break or don’t want any at that time. I think this would be a neat thing to do at future BlogHer events. The people who WANT to sit alone or are not in a talkative mood, flip it to red. That way I won’t sit with you or try to talk to you. The ones with green, will be open to new people and new discussions. I will have several green side up on the table in front of me. The equivalent of a neon sign that flashes “TALK TO ME”.
 
I could have easily sugar coated my whole time at BlogHer13. Instead I am telling MY truth. I know each and every person had a different experience and perspective. The more time that passes from the end of BlogHer13, the more I’m apt to only remember the good things. That’s ok. I want to use this as a learning experience. I didn’t take away from it that I can’t handle this type of networking event. I KNOW the first time is the hardest and I’ll do better next time. Maybe I’ll even make it through without crying! 😉

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