A Cow Among Sheep

I’m in a mood. I’ve been in a mood the whole month of January but that’s a whole other thing. I’m usually late to the party when there’s drama in social media. Last night was no exception. I saw on IG references to an “Instagram Movement” to “get real”. Apparently, this has been a thing for upwards of a week. A couple of big “influencers” decided it was time to take a stand. They JUST realized that social media can be harmful. That “comparison is the thief of joy”. They had no idea that the perfect homes they show on IG for everyone to ooh and ah over are unrealistic to achieve and maintain. Everything’s WHITE–the walls, furniture, rugs, pillows, etc. What was your first clue?! Most humans have either dogs or children which makes white rooms a waking nightmare. 

 

All the “influencers” (I kind of hate that word. It should be brainwashers.) are trying to point out (while sobbing) that their lives aren’t the perfection that they portray. I thought it was OBVIOUS and widely known that pretty much people post the best parts of their lives. They only take selfies when they are fully made up and looking their best. They post their kids in new, clean clothes while standing well behaved. They only show their house when decorated for a specific holiday or when they “restyle” an area or get something new. So now they acknowledge they may be hurting people by portraying only the good. That it makes others feel that they can’t compete. That everything they have or are will never be enough. 

 

The fact that no one woke up to this fact until bloggers or DIYers decide to make it a “thing” kind of floors me. Also how everyone is jumping on the bandwagon and wanting to have their say about it. It reminds me of the #metoo movement. I’m not trying to minimize the importance of woman coming forward or speaking up when they’ve been treated badly or sexually assaulted. Quite the opposite. I think people should take steps to protect themselves by any means necessary. But what about all the women who came forward over the years and weren’t listened to?! Reported things and were dismissed. THOSE are the true heroes! Can you imagine the blow to your self worth to not be taken seriously? Especially when you’re the only one. It takes a lot less guts to stand up in a room full of like minded people than to stand up in the general public. It’s kind of why Weight Watchers works. You’re in a room with a bunch of fat people (or formerly fat) who know EXACTLY what you’re going through. When you speak they can relate. You’re not in a room with a bunch of thin men and women who are judging you before you open your mouth. Personally, I think it minimizes the individual and their story by waiting until everyone else comes out with their abuse story to tell yours. Sure, I can understand that the climate has changed and talking about it is more accepted. But it seems to be almost a fad or trend to come out of the woodwork after 20, 30 or 40 years and make disparaging statements against men.

 

First off, I’m not defending the men. I do believe the majority of the men did those things. I also think that   human nature exists in a way that there are people alive who will use the #metoo movement as a way to exact revenge and make things up. Not a majority but a few. One person being falsely accused is no better than a man who sexually harasses women. Now getting back to the passage of time, perspectives change over decades. I’ve seen it in things that I’ve written when I go back years later. I just feel that women should speak out and up when things happen or tell it on your blog. 

 

I bet every single woman has been sexually harassed by someone. Even I was at work years ago. I would never dream about coming out all these years later and making it known to embarrass this man. He was an indirect coworker and we were friendly. He wasn’t my boss. He was married and had a small child. He was a serial cheater. He was having an affair with different women at work all the time (usually from other areas of the building) and he also went to swingers parties and sex clubs. I was engaged to my husband at the time. At the time, I had lost weight and this man started showering me with compliments and attention. I was flattered but then he got aggressive. He pursued me relentlessly. We worked nights and he kept asking me to go to a motel with him after work. He made all kinds of sexual comments and hit on me every day. I thought he was joking at first because I was naive. Then it got worse and he wouldn’t stop. It made me so uncomfortable. I told him to knock it off. He still wouldn’t stop. It was stressing me out and I told him not to talk like that to me anymore. He wouldn’t listen. I told a male friend that we both knew to have a talk with him and let him know that if he didn’t stop saying those vulgar things to me, I would have to report him to the supervisor. The male friend said, “Why do you want to get the guy in trouble?” So I understand how it works. I chalked it up to the guy having problems. Lots and lots of them. I also know that as adult women (children being preyed on is always off limits), we have to not take shit from people. We’re taught to be nice and treat people with respect but they have to respect us, too. I want to see more women speak up to men that are mistreating them. Not be afraid of losing their job. There really are a lot of jobs out there and if saying NO to a man makes you lose yours, do you really want a job where sex is part of the job?! I would not want to be a man in today’s climate. It’s a lot like being a cop in today’s climate. Most of the cops are great but the ones that are corrupt, ruin it for the others. 

 

I have gotten so far off on a tangent that it’s hard to get back to my point. I don’t feel like riding the bandwagon of “what’s popular” is good for anybody. The gates open up and the sheep file out following the leaders. They are led from their pasture into unknown environments like small towns and big cities. You see a giant herd of sheep and you wonder what they’re doing there. They look out of place but they’re taking over. Pretty soon there is shit everywhere. You can’t walk a step without going knee deep in animal waste. Cars are unable to pass on the roadways. They are being dented and pushed out of the way. Nothing matters but that the sheep stay in a group and are led to their destination. Will they find their way back to the pasture or will they all end up at the slaughterhouse?

 

In the above scenario, I am a cow among sheep. I am left in the pasture when the sheep leave. I don’t fit in with them. I have never fit in and it has been a great source of lamentation for me. Finally, I had the great revelation that the reason I don’t fit in is because I DON’T WANT TO. I say I do but I can’t be like everyone else. I’ve tried and it is not meant to be. All over social media is the saying, “You do YOU!” which I believe in wholeheartedly. I guess I will start the #notme movement of one.