In the middle of writing my blog post about last weekend’s activities, it was getting lengthy and I had barely started. So what else is new?! I’m used to going on and on in great detail about everything. I don’t know where that came from. I can only guess that it’s because everything in life is complicated to me. Before I do any further writing of said blog post, I had an epiphany. I am INCAPABLE of telling a short story. It doesn’t matter what the topic. I was behind the door when the gift of brevity was given out. I also missed that day at school when the lesson was “being brief.” I don’t really know if that’s a thing but it totally should be. If “brevity is the soul of wit” that explains why I’m not funny. Or why the funny I think that’s trapped inside me can’t get out. The irony that Shakespeare thought up that phrase in Hamlet is not lost on me. I wouldn’t exactly call him brief either. I need to take a class in “being brief.” I don’t know if that’s a thing but it totally should be. I can’t promise to write shorter blog posts but I may take pity on the reader and break them up into more than one.
This sounds like the start of a great standup routine for me. I’ve wanted to do stand up comedy for at least 15 years. I doubt I ever could since I can’t even bring myself to do karaoke. If I had written the Bible, it would be the length it is now but only for one chapter. Imagine if the Bible had the kind of detail that I put in my blog posts?! The shortest line in the Bible: “Jesus wept” would never stand. I would have to tell what kind of tears he shed. Were they the large tears that fall across the front of your cheeks or the tiny kind that seep out of the corner of your eyes and people don’t notice unless they look closely? Was it a silent cry or the ugly cry where your face gets knotted up and you can feel your insides being twisted all the way to your stomach? You get the point.
Imagine if there had been iPhones in the Bible. Everyone would’ve been taking selfies. The jews wouldn’t have been lost for 40 years in the desert since they could’ve called someone. Unless they had AT&T, then they’d never find their way. Mapquest might’ve had them more lost taking a wrong turn at a mirage that only exists online. Plus they couldn’t find a place to plug in their cellphones. No one could share a charger either because there were still a few stubborn Android users. If there were cellphones during Biblical times, no one would’ve written the Bible. The reason for not writing it would’ve been, “Who uses cursive anymore?”
Thanks for humoring me. 😉 BTW, did you notice this is a short blog post?! It CAN be done.