I had been toying with several topics as my next possible blog post but wasn’t fired up enough about any. Then today something happened, an idea presented itself and BOOM, there it was. On the one hand, it was such an unpleasant experience, I don’t know if I want to dwell on it or even ever look back on it. On the other hand, I have no one else to discuss it with so will put it all on here.
My inabilities to deal with situations get me into all kinds of trouble. I was taught a lot in life but obviously not everything. As much as I try to be prepared for any scenario that arises, there is always something I just don’t know the correct way to deal with. I do the best I can but wen in default, I do nothing.
3 times this week, I’ve given directions to drivers in cars while I’m walking my 3 dogs. I don’t mind and it usually makes me feel good to help if I’m familiar with their destination. This would lead you to believe I’m a nice person but you would be wrong. Sometimes walking the dogs is a joy and sometimes it’s a chore. There are a lot of extenuating factors that people can’t see from the outside when looking at me. Like how much stress I’m under from things I’m dealing with at home. If I’m in a hurry and don’t have time for anything extra. How much pain I’m in from my legs. About a block later, I come across a 3 year old girl waiting for me. I said “Oh no! You’re not going to follow me again, are you?” and she said “yes”. I just cringed and then she started in, “Can I pet your dogs?” I want to say it was about a week ago I ran into this same girl. At that time, she started asking me the same thing and I didn’t want to say “No” because with this kid, it wouldn’t stop there. It would be “Why not?” So I didn’t answer her and just kept walking. I just didn’t want to get into a long explanation that I was unsure if a 3 year old could understand. So instead of letting me pass by, the child had kept asking it over and over, “Can I pet your dogs?” She was shouting it and following me around the block. I didn’t know how to handle it that day nor today. The only way I know how to handle it tomorrow is to take a different route and never walk by their house again.
My dogs are wonderful dogs and they are good around other dogs and great around kids. They’ve never bitten anyone and are well socialized. Amber can be shy but she’ll eventually go up to a child but she doesn’t want to be petted by strangers. Ivy and Elvis fall all over anyone who’ll give them attention. They love to be petted and give lots of kisses. It’s no reflection on them that I didn’t want them near this girl. Even though the dogs have been better lately about pulling and I’ve pretty much got it mastered walking them with 2 leashes in my left hand and one in my right, it is still a lot to deal with. I don’t like bringing them up to other dogs when I’m alone either. I don’t mind when hubby is along. There are just so many things that can happen. We’ve been rushed by aggressive dogs without a leash, etc. I try to be courteous and move onto the grass and let walkers have the sidewalk if they’re passing us. I also do the same when encountering other dogs.The main reason I don’t want to let the dogs near a child when I’m alone is because I don’t have a witness. Last week when the child followed me, she was alone. No parent around. All I need is for the kid to SAY she got bit, even if she didn’t and Lord knows what would happen next. I don’t want to put myself in the situation of losing one of my dogs (who are my only kids) because someone lied. Yes, I sound fearful and paranoid but things aren’t the way they used to be. People don’t just blow off things that happen, they get their lawyer on speed dial and sue you. Ok, so I’ve blown the whole thing up in my mind but I’ve heard of things like this happening.
Today when the girl kept saying it, her father came out of the house and we ended up having a “fight”. Not a fistfight but words were exchanged. I was trying to go my merry way when he yells out at the kid, “Stay away from her. Stay away from her. She’s not a nice lady!” OMG. The guy was trying to shame me for not giving in to his kid! He started walking out to the sidewalk where I was and the kid was. He could’ve just called the kid in the house but instead walked out by me to stand his ground. I wouldn’t care if he told the kid that out of my earshot but to shout it across the lawn to make sure I knew what he thought of me. It’s not even that I care what he thinks of me, I just don’t need any additional reasons to feel bad about myself. I told him I didn’t want to have to go into a long explanation about why I wasn’t letting her pet the dogs. I told him they’re good dogs but in this day and age, I didn’t want to get sued. It probably made me come off as a crazy person. He told me I should’ve just told her no but I know it wouldn’t have been the end of it with this kid. This kid already has more self esteem than I ever have. Unless someone is in a business and it’s their job to answer me, I may not like to be ignored but it happens. I don’t keep following the person and say it over and over. The guy and I both tried defending ourselves and he doesn’t understand me anymore than I understand him. I was on the sidewalk, not bothering anybody and yet I need to hear how NOT NICE I AM. I was so upset I was almost in tears. The kid was unfazed. I don’t have kids and don’t always know how to act around them. If this father was this way to me over ignoring his kid, what on earth will he do when his kid is called names? Beaten up? Sworn at? Called fat and ugly? In the rough neighborhood I grew up in, I would’ve been overjoyed to be ignored. If the kid had just said “Hi” to me, I would’ve said hi back. That would’ve been the end of it. Instead, the kid never said anything but “Can I pet your dogs?” in a way that was demanding. If the father hadn’t appeared at the door, things would have played out like last week. Instead, he felt like his child should not be denied anything. That I should drop everything and let his kid have her way. I don’t know which one of the 3 of us is the monster.
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I’m gonna say… the kid is a product of her environment, so she might be a monster in peoples’ eyes, but she was created by monsters. No doubt she knows that at home, if she wants something, and people say no, all she has to do is keep bugging them and she will eventually get it. She was probably acting the same way with you because she thinks that that’s how you get what you want.
As for the father – he sounds like an all-around champ (not!).
I think you handled things in the best way you knew how, and that it’s a good idea to take a different route from now on.
Due to you being a teacher, I’m sure you’ve given the whole thing (how parents create a child with bad behavior) a lot more thought than I have. My mom always said the first 5 years are most important in a child’s life as far as forming their personality. I’m curious to hear if you think sending kids to school earlier (3 & 4 yr. old Kindergarten) helps a child if only taking more of the influence away from the parents?