I am an all or nothing person. I don’t like things wishy washy, I prefer everything cut and dried. I try to plan for every possible scenario. I don’t like change. I know it drives my husband crazy when I ask him questions about what’s going to happen next. He likes to tease me that I’m like Rainman since I like a predicatable routine. I like to be in control of my life but life has other ideas.
Knowing all this about me, you can imagine how stressful this summer has been with our electricity going out for 2 days, then a few weeks later it went out again for 3 days. We purchased a generator (during the first outage) so we can keep our fridge, freezer, tv and cellphones going. That requires twice a day trips to the gas station to fill up gas cans & constantly timing how long the generator’s been running and when it will need to be shut off, cooled down, filled with gas and restarted. My husband’s been travelling more than ever this year for his job. With trips to: Pueblo, CO; Kansas City, MO; Woburn, MA, Indianapolis, IN & Philadelphia, PA, It turned out that he was away during the last power outage. He was also gone for 2 weeks when we got over 13″ of rain in 24 hours and our basement flooded. That’s something we’ve had to deal with several times since we moved here. The first time it happened, it was devastating since we’d never expected it. Each time, the pain lessons but it is still a nightmare to deal with. 3 years ago this month it happened and we lost our washing machine and our hot water heater. We replaced both at a hefty expense. A month ago when we flooded, our hot water heater was ruined again! I had to have the repair guy come out to tell me it couldn’t be salvaged and then when hubby got home we went to order a tankless water heater. We had looked into it 3 years ago but it was so expensive. The installation costs as much or more than the unit. We never dreamed we’d need to replace it so soon but this time we wanted to solve that problem once and for all. The tankless is placed on the wall high enough that the water will never take that one out. We were without hot water for 10 days before they were able to install it. Then they forgot to put in a condensation pump so had to come back the next week and do that. With the unexpected expense of the tankless water heater and the generator, we’ve parted with over $3 grand. It seems just about impossible to get ahead when you’ve got stuff like that coming up out of the blue.
The car repair I had done yesterday was $590, all of it was labor except for $75. The window makes noise now when put up and down. All the other windows run silently. They claimed it wasn’t the motor and was the regulator. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much for an old car but when paying that kind of money, you’d think it would be fine. Hubby thinks since it’s something we can’t fix ourselves, we have to accept it. We dropped hubby’s Jeep off to have the things that hold the hatch open in back and under the hood replaced. As I was driving us home, I was complaining about the window and telling him how I was going to mention it to them today when we go get his. Well, this sparked a huge argument. My hubby thinks it’s not a big deal and I’m making too much out of it. I think it’s because it’s not his car, he doesn’t care. He also doesn’t understand my affinity for my car. He’s not a typical guy in that he’s not into cars at all. So he really has no attachment to his own Jeep. I am madly in love with my Pontiac. He doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t rather have a new car. Even after all these years of marriage, it’s hard to make the other person see your point of view sometimes!
Speaking of out of control, besides the traveling, hubby’s job has had him switching his hours up until I’m about buggy. He usually works 4 10 hour days with Thurs., Friday & Sat. off. To me, this is ideal and just about as good as it gets. His regular hours are 8:30 am until 7 pm. This works out so perfectly. We both get up together, go to bed at the same time. Have dinner just after 7 when he gets home (work is only 3 miles away). Then this week he has to do 5 8 hour days and work today (Sat.) for comp. He has Monday off and is working Thurs. Plus he’s working 5 am until 1:30 pm all week! Last week they had him working 5 8 hour days of 1:30 pm until 10 pm Monday through Friday. I know with the economy and job market the way it is, he’s lucky to have a job but it feels like punishment. It’s been weeks since he’s had a 3 day weekend like he’s “supposed to”. When they switch him from working Sun thru Thurs. to Mon- Fri, he is losing a day of Sunday pay and 2 off days. I don’t see it changing in the forseeable future. Hubby takes it in stride and doesn’t complain about it which kind of makes it bother me more. I guess it’s a guy thing not to complain and just soldier on. We women like to have someone commiserate with us. Misery loves company.
None of the adjustments I have to make in my daily life to all these changes are earth shattering. Then why am I bringing them up?! Apparently, I like to hear myself talk. First world problems, ya know?! I need to get back to being grateful that we’re all in good health and not expect life to go smoothly. It only appears that others’ lives are perfect, right? Everyone else is coping with problems and upsets on a daily basis. Things that they never planned for. It just doesn’t throw them off their game or make them feel like life is too much for them sometimes. Either that or they do a great job of hiding it and cover up the bad with only mentioning the good to make it seem like their life is all flowers and sunshine. You can always count on me to keep it real whether what’s going on with me is good or bad.
I’m the same way: I get anxious when I have no control over a situation. I’m slowly getting better at relinquishing (some) control and learning to go with the flow, but it’s still hard – old habits die hard, y’know?
And you’re exactly right: just because someone’s life looks perfect from the outside doesn’t mean it’s not filled with turmoil and problems on the inside.
xoxo
Remember in this journey of life, its all filled with small stuff. Many things are going to NOT be in control… like 85% of life’s stuff…Just hang in there and take it as it comes, like we all have that choice…only 15% of things that happen are in our control xox.
Very true – Some times Routine can kill you , control you , and you are not human anymore , life is life because of our freedom.