It’s been so long since I’ve blogged, I reached the point that I was afraid I might never blog again. There isn’t a “point of no return” where blogging is concerned but I just know myself too well. I am worse than average at following through with things. I get brilliant ideas and am excited and after a couple of attempts, it turns out to be too much “bother” for me. I love to write and blogging is good for my soul. You’d think that in itself would be enough incentive to whip out the old laptop and fashion a new blog post. Unfortunately, it isn’t. :0
I’ve mentioned how I got away from reading books in the past and now have conquered that problem. I read every day, even if it’s only a few pages or a chapter. I’m very happy to have reading back in my life but all the excuses I had for not reading, have all switched over to be excuses for not blogging. Plus a few more thrown in. I realize it’s entirely up to me to inspire and discipline myself enough to produce a written piece. Whether it’s of quality or not is questionable. I came to the conclusion that even though I haven’t been blogging, I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time (in the middle of doing other things) thinking about blogging. What I’ll say, how I’ll say it, what my goals are, etc. Maybe I’m overthinking the whole process. That wouldn’t be surprising since I tend to overthink everything else in my life.
I am going to write for myself alone and hope it brings some benefit to me internally. If it also benefits me by garnering readers, so much the better. A lot of bloggers seem desperate for validation and I understand that. I love attention under the right circumstances. However, I am not willing to go to great lengths to get them. As I learned a long time ago in real llife, people either like you or they don’t. You can’t change that no matter how hard you try. There is still fear when revealing parts of your personality and opening your flaws up to examination by the unknown masses. So far I’ve been lucky but I’ve also been laying low. I haven’t been calling much attention to myself.
Part of my dilemna is that my blog doesn’t fit any niche I have seen. I cook with the best of them and love trying new recipes but won’t attempt a food blog. Too many others are already doing that better than I ever could. Same goes for photography. I enjoy pictures but there are an astounding number of photography blogs that I couldn’t hold a candle to. A humor blog is out of the question since I’m so not funny. I have a great sense of humor but I play the “straightman” in most all situations including with my husband. I’m not a mom so can’t be a mommy blogger, etc. I really don’t know what direction I want my blog to go in. Maybe emotional spelunking? I hate that word but it pretty much sums up what digging into the caves of hidden feelings could unearth.
I have no burning desire to be the best at anything. I don’t have a competetive bone in my body. I don’t need to win. As a child, I preferred hitting or throwing a ball back & forth with someone else to see how many times we could do it to playing a game of tennis, volleyball, baseball, etc. No scorekeeping, no rules, no blame, no expectations. I pretty much still live my life like that. Afraid to fail and also afraid to succeed. If I was met with any kind of success, I’d crumble. If I don’t try, I won’t fail. If I do try, I’ll do my best but not expect anything. It’s kind of a simplistic view to life but it keeps me from dealing with more than my share of disappointment. It also keeps me from starting things I know I won’t follow through on, like a diet or exercise plan. Maybe I can incrementally change this part of me by blogging more often and getting out my feelings and trying to figure out how I became the way I am. Some of it I know, other parts I don’t think I’ve ever reflected upon before.
This is the first blog post I started without having a definite topic in mind. To me it just sounds like a bunch of rambling. In any case, I’m going to start blogging more. I’m going to make up a list of subjects I want to blog about but also am going to blog about the little things that I thought weren’t worth bringing up or putting on paper or into the blogosphere. Don’t give up on me! I’ll see you back here real soon. 🙂