almostakiss

The New Normal

almostakiss — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:19:39 +0000

I’ve been disconnected from social media for the past 2 weeks. So much has been going on that I’ve been almost speechless. There was just too much to tell and no time to tell it. A week ago yesterday we ventured up to Madison, WI for a housewarming party. We took a bottle of Twin Fin wine and a cool bud vase with 2 peonies from our garden. One was in bloom and the other hadn’t opened yet. People host parties differently than I ever did. Not that I’m an expert but we always gave people a tour of the house. To the point where hubby would show them our spare bedroom we use for storage and I’d rather he skipped it. We didn’t get a tour or really any acknowledgement for what we brought. I have to believe they were just overwhelmed by the party itself. From what we saw of the house (looking for the bathroom), it was really nice. They’re at the stage of being young and excited and willing to knock themselves out to have things perfect. I remember it well even though it is so far behind me. Every room had a fresh coat of paint, the kitchen had been redone and all the curtains were sewed by Greg’s sister Linda. It was her daughter and son-in-law who had the party. Linda has lost quite a bit of weight by being on the HCG diet which I know very little about. She has to give herself shots daily and eat a very limited diet (about 500 calories a day). The change in her size and shape is remarkable. It seems like everyone I know has been losing weight lately. Making me The Last Fat Woman Standing. Don’t think I haven’t been entertaining the idea. I just don’t know where to start. Small changes I’ve made have made no difference and I hate doing anything drastic. The pondering on it will continue due to our new reality regarding hubby’s recent health diagnosis.

While at last week’s party, we talked with my mother-in-law and one of Greg’s brothers, Dan. They had both lost their Golden Retriever dogs within the past 6 months. They both expressed an interest in getting a new puppy (same breed). That’s one thing Greg & I know how to do is find a dog. We suggested a rescue dog since we had such good luck with Elvis. They both wanted a younger dog. This got both Greg & I thinking and when we got home, we started searching online. My M-I-L doesn’t really use the Internet and Dan is too busy. We found a woman in Schaumburg, IL (not far from us) who had a some 8 & 10 week old Goldens. Their pictures looked beautiful. She has another litter due this week so had discounted the price on the puppies from $1000 to $700. I thought it would be neat if Dan & his mom could get sisters since they live across the street from each other and the pups could grow up together. Greg emailed Dan and never heard back. Greg called and talked to the woman and found out she would set up an appt. for Friday or Sun to show the dogs. Then he called Dan and they were getting ready to host this graduation party for their daughter this weekend. So we could tell nothing would ever come of it. Greg also called his mother and offered to drive up to WI (90 miles), pick her up, take her to see the puppies and drive her home. She said she’d let him know. I thought that was really a generous offer but I swear people just like to TALK about doing things (like getting another dog) and not really do it. There is no way we’d ever get a puppy and just give it to someone since we’d be afraid they’d say no. Anyway, Greg and I really gave it our all and it fell flat. It was kind of discouraging.

Thursday I was having my mammogram and MRI for my back. At 4 pm on Wed. I got a phone call from the hospital, saying I’d have to reschedule the MRI since they hadn’t gotten pre-approval from the insurance co. We have Blue Cross through the federal govt which is usually great. After phone calls back and forth with the doctor’s office, we find out that even though the appt. was made 3 weeks before, they had just called the insurance co. THAT DAY to get approval. The people who work in Dr. Feelgood’s office are TERRIBLE. It’s enough to make us switch doctors but who knows what else we’d end up with at the next one. So I could only get in at 9:15 am on Wed. June 19th for the MRI. I’m half expecting a call Tues. telling me they don’t have approval yet.

To add insult to injury, hubby had gone in on June 5th for a blood pressure check and to get his A1C glucose test. He called 2 days later for the results and they said they didn’t have them yet. They said they would call as soon as they had them. On Wed. after dealing with the screwup of my MRI, I told him to ask about his test results from a week before. They had them but had never called! If he hadn’t asked, who knows if he’d ever have found out. So just like that, over the phone, he finds out he has diabetes. They told him they were sending a prescription for Metformin to our local pharmacy right away and he could stop in the next day for a lesson on how to use a blood glucose meter. This worked out ok since I was getting the mammogram the next day. He came with me and waited and then we went upstairs to the doctor’s office. One of the assistants took us in a room and gave him a meter (One Touch Ultra Mini) and a few test strips and lancets and a written prescription for the strips and lancets. She gave us some other info and told him to adjust his diet. She gave him a pamphlet about what to order at fast food restaurants. He told her we never eat fast food or fried food. She was so shocked. I know it’s a large part of most Americans’ diets but we have never cared for the feeling of bloat afterwards. We used to eat at McDonalds like once a year and we even got away from that. We’re already eating brown rice and whole grain bread. The major change I see forthcoming is hubby eats a lot of fruit. A banana, an orange, a couple of small apples a day. Now he has to spread them out throughout the day instead of eating all at once. So he has to take his blood glucose readings 3 times a day (before breakfast, 2 hours after any meal and then before bedtime). She also told him to call the insurance co. and see which place they want you to buy from. The ins. co. wasn’t very helpful, except for giving him the name of a diabetic supply place in Elk Grove Village, IL. They also told him the insurance pays 70% of the ALLOWED cost and he has to pay the rest. I told him to call around to places like Osco, Sam’s Club and Walgreens to get quotes.

One Touch UltraMini Blood Glucose Monitor

Hubby’s been feeling sorry for himself since his diagnosis. I guess that happens with some people. I haven’t even begun to feel sorry for myself with my back! In fact, I’ve been extra active and been going on a dead run lately. It hasn’t made me feel any worse and in fact, my foot has been feeling better. I don’t see any end in sight for the doctor’s appts. though. Greg was told to come back July 10th to have his glucose readings evaluated and get his blood pressure checked. Maybe by then I’ll be able to get my mammogram and MRI results.

The New Normal

We went to estate sales on Friday and there were a few in our town on Sat. but we just had to skip them. Too much else to deal with before leaving for the graduation party in Pewaukee, WI. We had been debating what to give for a gift and finally decided on a ladies’ size German beer stein. It was beautifully handpainted with a pewter lid, etc. I had it all bubbled wrapped and in the box before I remembered to take a picture of it so I didn’t get one. I took a picture of her opening it and it’s just a blur. My phone (or ME) is taking shitty pictures lately. I’m morally opposed to giftwrapping but wrapped the present anyway. We were one of the only people who didn’t give money. When she opened it, she didn’t even know what it was. Since she’s going to college in Madison (a party town), it just seemed appropriate. Yes, we’ve turned into the goofy, old aunt and uncle who give quirky gifts. This was my first time being in their house, even though they’ve lived there close to 20 years. No tour of that either and I saw less than the previous week’s house. I made a point of thanking my brother-in-law and his wife for the invite and letting them know it was my first time seeing it. Due to the weird family dynamic and strained relationships over decades, they haven’t been to our house either.

I always make cards on the computer since I’m against buying ready made cards. Someday I’ll go into detail on here about why I’m opposed to both that and giftwrap. Hubby was trying to print something out the day before the party and found out we were out of gray ink. Our printer takes 2 different blacks, a gray, red, yellow and blue cartridges. It prints like a professional printer. I’m in love with it. Since we got the thing, the only store that sells the gray ink for it is ABT. So I told hubby to call first and see if they had it. He refused. I should have offered to call but I had things to do! Instead we are on the verge of a fight since he insists on going over there the morning of the party!! I told him to go buy a cheap graduation card at the grocery store. Instead he goes and comes home with a new printer!! Wow, was I mad! It’s another Canon printer but a cheap one that only has 2 ink cartridges (one black and one for colors). He said they no longer carry the gray ink and this was on sale for $58. I know they’re cheap now but I don’t print that much stuff but what I do print, I want to have quality. I was mad that he couldn’t call me and tell me or ask me or consult me in any way. It’s not the price of the purchase, it’s so much more than that. So then we got into a fight and ended up fighting in the car on the way up to WI which is always fun. NOT. He stacked the new printer on top of the old one (which I still want to keep and use, it’s not broken!) and was able to print out a card. The quality looked TERRIBLE and I was so disappointed. I made him address and sign the whole card, which I usually do for us.

To keep this from reaching book length, I’m going to end here. I have more to share but will save it for my next few blog posts. In the meantime, we’re just adjusting to The New Normal. It’s only been a few days so at this point, we’re just trying to get used to the idea of hubby having The Sugar Diabetes. Yes, to lighten the mood, that’s what we’re calling it. That’s what it was called when we were kids. To start off on the right track, hubby didn’t have any cake at the grad party yesterday. About 6 people asked me if I wanted a piece. I said, “No, I wouldn’t feel right eating it when Greg can’t.” Then I look over and see my M-I-L shoveling cake into her pie hole. She has diabetes too and I felt like I’d just put both feet in my mouth. Oh well. The older I get, the more I’m used to saying things, consequences be damned.

Blog Fodder

almostakiss — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 17:36:15 +0000

Just survived another jam packed weekend that felt like we were on the go every second. It started Wed. night when hubby got home from work. We headed right out to Pesche’s Nursery in Des Plaines, IL to get our veggies. The weather cooperated and we were able to get them planted on Thursday. Hubby got an early start rototilling the garden and we got the ground fertilized and watered. We ended up putting in 28 pepper plants: 6 each of yellow, red and orange bell peppers and 4 pepperoncini plants on the south side of the house. Also 2 cucumbers that usually give us a ton of cukes. In the backyard we planted 19 tomatoes of different varieties from 50 to 90 days until harvest. That way we don’t get all the tomatoes at once, they come in staggered. We have to have enough to eat tomato sandwiches everyday plus make salsa and homemade spaghetti sauce. It was nice to have it done and just in time before the rains came!

Peppers & Cukes

Our tomato plants

Fresh picked rhubarb

Friday and Sat. we hit a few estate sales each day and Sat. we also hit a ton of garage sales. We don’t go to those as a rule. It’s hard to find anything good there unless you get there early in the morning. We were out and about in the late morning and by one of the estate sales there was 6 rummage sales, each a block apart from the last. So we made it a point to hit all those. We got home just freaking exhausted. Friday we had gone to the fruit market to get groceries for the week. Hubby also did yardwork while I baked a rhubarb pie. Sat. we had to pick up some other things at Target but were too tired so just got a few things to tide us over at Jewel since it’s so close.

Sunday hubby worked and I cleaned house, started laundry, made a pasta salad and a rhubarb cake. I have 3 rhubarb plants and they get bigger and healthier every year. The middle one is kind of puny because it’s a different type (Canadian?) but the other 2 are prolific producers. Of the batch I picked on Friday, I was able to bake both of the items I mentioned and still have 2 cups to freeze! This was all picked off one plant and there will be more ready in a week to pick. The smell and taste of rhubarb reminds me of my childhood. There is nothing else quite like it. We always called it Pie Plant.

Handpainted Copper Wall Hanging

Vintage Alligator Handbag

We also hung a cabinet and a small corner shelf that we got at one of the estate sales. After all these years, our house is finally coming together. When we put our heads together, we come up with some great ideas! Some of our best finds this weekend were: an alligator purse, 2 vintage aprons, 2 lady head vases 3 1/2″, a 90 year old handkerchief of Queen Wilhemina from the Nederlands, salt & peppers, a handpainted copper wall hanging, lead crystal wine glasses, etc. We had one of the most fun times EVER! Hubby found a laser compound miter saw that was brand new, still in the original box in shrink wrap! He also got some other tools that he was thrilled about. Things we passed on that we really liked? A gorgeous portable bar made of wood carved in Indonesia in the 1970′s. It was breathtakingly beautiful and I fell in love right away. Unfortunately, I can’t lift heavy things anymore so it wasn’t even an option. I was pretty bummed. I never see jewelry I like at these things but there was 1 necklace I was crazy about. It was a necklace that was gold and silver–hard to explain, every few inches it went from one to the other, all along the chain. I’ve never seen another one like it! The pendant charm on it was of a palm tree with 2 crossed swords. Hubby kept joking that “it depicts the fall of Saddam Hussein” which was so funny. I looked it up online and it is the national emblem of Saudi Arabia. I love unique things and this was right up my alley. They wanted $350 for it (supposedly it was gold) but I wanted it for half of that. I could’ve gone back the next day to see if they’d take less but I was short on time.

Portable Wooden Bar Carved To Death

Necklace with Symbol of Saudi Arabia

Monday I had my dentist’s appt. for teeth cleaning at noon. It went well. I just have to remember to breathe when I’m sitting in the chair! I start getting anxious even though I know he’s not going to do anything. He took x-rays but then said his machine wasn’t working and if he saw anything on them, he would call me later. I’m sure they take them regardless of whether it is working or not. They want to be able to bill the insurance company! The dentist is across the street from Jewel and so I stopped over there to pick up hubby’s prescription afterwards. I found a parking spot in the front and went in. Hubby was on 2 meds and they are always filled together. He’s now been taken off one and is trying samples of another. So I told them he’d only need one and of course, they had only filled the one he didn’t need. They said it would be 10 minutes so I said I’d wait. I went around and picked out a few things and then went and got the pills. They won’t check you out with other items there so I stopped at the front checkouts and went through the express lane. I walked out to my car and got in. Immediately, I saw an older woman (I’d say 65-69) walking up to my window. She said “I brushed your bumper with my car”. It took me so by surprise that I could hardly register what she was saying. I said “let’s see” or “show me” or something like that and got out. It was the driver’s side of the back bumper lightly smeared with red paint. My car is purple so it shows but it wasn’t that bad. I almost said that and then I remembered not to say that. Everytime I think something isn’t bad, later on when I have time to look, it’s worse than I thought. She said she was sorry and started writing her name and phone number down. She said her grandson was in the hospital and she was shook up about it and wasn’t paying attention. I said I understand how it is to have a lot on your mind and that it’s easy to have something like this happen. I told her even though my car is old, it’s my baby with only 35,000 miles on it. She said they have a car with the same mileage (not the one she was driving). She said it wasn’t worth calling the insurance company for but I could take it somewhere and have it buffed out and send her the bill. I told her I’d have my husband take a look at it and see what he thought. Then I asked if she lived in town and she did and I had her write down her street address. Then I thanked the woman who hit me. Not for hitting me but for waiting and telling me. I said a lot of people wouldn’t do that. I told her I appreciated it and was very friendly to her. I told her I hoped her grandson felt better. Then she told me he’d been in a coma for 2 weeks because he’s 16 and fell OFF of a car. I kind of felt sorry for her. I was really proud of the way I handled it. I was nice about it, didn’t get mad. I don’t have any experience with car accidents. I’ve only ever hit a deer! I’ve never hit anyone. The only accident I’ve been involved in was when a guy backed into me at the fruit market. I put the horn on and he claimed he didn’t hear it. He also was a real ass. That’s part of why I was thankful this woman was nice about it. Hubby said I’d be more shook up if I’d been in the car at the time or if it was worse. I’m sure he’s right. It helps that it’s not that bad. I wiped it off and there’s still a scrape under where you fill the gas tank. It is down to the bare metal. If I was sure it wouldn’t rust, I’d just let the whole thing go. But my car sits outside all year round and I’m afraid if that small scratch rusts, it will just spread. I don’t want to be driving a rust bucket. I’m afraid if I take it to a mechanic, it could be a $100 or more. My main concern with driving a car that looks damaged is that it reflects on me. It make ME look like a bad driver and I’m NOT! Chalk it up to being a Monday. At least my life is a constant supply of blog fodder.

Diagnosis: Shock And Awe

almostakiss — Thu, 30 May 2013 00:59:35 +0000

You know how you never really know if you’re making the right decision until after you’ve made it? Story of my life. The saying is “Live and Learn” but it should be “Live and Live and Never Learn.” There are just too many variables at play to ensure a satisfactory outcome. Not everybody goes to the doctor and leaves on vacation the very same day. Most people would know better. Considering it took over a month to get in to see the doctor, I knew I had to keep the appt. We’d had the idea of vacation in our minds for months but were just waiting for the price of gas to go down and the temperature to go up. Neither were cooperating and we made a hasty, last minute decision to go on vacation the week before Memorial Day instead of the week of the holiday. Trying to beat the crowds and what not.

We’ve gone to Hinckley, MN many times over Memorial Day week (as well as other times of year) and it’s usually beautiful. Of course, this time the sun never made an appearance, it was rainy with a high of 46 degrees most of the time. Less than ideal. The Chicago area routinely has the highest gas prices in the country which sucks big time. We usually try to fill up in WI before coming home so we can make it out of the state for next time. While up in MN, the high gas prices followed us and it made the news that MN had the highest gas prices in the country. They were $4.39 a gallon! That’s just crazy. Despite it all, it was nice to get away but more exhausting than usual. I’m used to looking after myself, my husband to a degree and the 3 dogs. Now my mom is to the point with her dementia that I have to pack and unpack for her, lay out her clothes, make her take a bath, wash her hair in the sink, tell her to do basic things over and over. Of course, I have to do this whether we are at home or in the RV so in some ways, it doesn’t feel like a vacation to me. She can still dress herself and get in and out of the bathtub by herself but I keep a watchful eye at all times. I’m just glad we’re still able to take trips with her.

Since we got home on Sat. May 25th, it’s been a whirlwind to get back to real life. Before we left, I had made an appt. for yesterday for her ENT doctor to have the wax removed from her ears. Mom has this done every 6 months due to the buildup from wearing hearing aids. I had made another appt. today at the same place with the audiologist to get her hearing aids serviced (replaced tubing). The doctor and audiologist are never in on the same day so we always end up going twice. Finally we’ll all finished with all of her stuff until the end of the year. I’d be relieved if I wasn’t so exhausted.

Wed. May 15, my hubby and I had our long awaited doctor’s appt. with Dr. Feelgood. I was chomping at the bit to get answers regarding the pain in my legs. 2 weeks after I turned 50, I woke up with pain in my legs. It felt similar to shin splints. It was in the front of the shins. It wasn’t constant, it would come and go. I didn’t have pain at all when sitting or laying. Sometimes I have it when walking, sometimes when standing but not all the time. A few months back, I started getting pain in the back of my lower legs, almost like mild Charley Horses. Only 3 times have I had pain so bad I could have cried. Otherwise, it hurts but nothing like other things I’ve had. It is shooting pain at times but not steady. I should’ve gone to the doctor sooner, waiting 9 months (really less than 8 since it took so long to get in) was foolish. When I first got it, I thought it was vein related. After consulting Dr. Google, it sounded like claudication which can be mild to severe. Except that that comes on after walking a distance, like a half a block. Mine would be there the second I stood up. Mine is also worse when I lean forward to brush my teeth. Hubby thought it was muscular. We were both wrong.

We had to wait almost an hour to see the dr. (of course we did!) and when he came in, I went first. He had a medical student with him who shadows him for 6 weeks. This girl was different than the one he had with him when I took Mom to see him. She looked about 25 years old and even had braces. I went into great detail about my leg issue and I was already sitting naked from the waist down with only a paper sheet over me since he was also going to do a quick pap smear. He examined my legs and for teaching benefit of the student went through various things and ruled them out. He said it wasn’t veins (circulatory) or muscles or bones. I couldn’t imagine what it could be and then he said it. NERVES. He said I’m having nerve pain from a pinched nerve in my back. I had told him I had no back or knee pain but it was starting to affect my posture which I didn’t like. Because my legs hurt, it’s hard for me to stand up completely straight anymore. He said he’s pretty sure it’s Spinal Stenosis. Which is from a herniated or bulging disc in my back. He figures around the L-4 area which is level with my hips. I’ve never had any back problems so I know nothing about backs and which is Lumbar and which part is Cervical. He explained and I was kind of in shock. It wasn’t the last thing I was expecting, it was something I wouldn’t have thought of in a million years! He told me to go ahead on vacation and didn’t really give instructions as to what I shouldn’t do. He did say I needed an MRI to be sure and then we’d see if I needed physical therapy, cortisone injections or surgery. I told him I’d never heard of any back surgery that went well. He said you just don’t hear about it but it’s out there. He said he’d had back surgery in the past few years but didn’t elaborate.

He asked if I’d had any weakness or numbness in my legs and I said no. I haven’t had any weakness but did notice (since then) my legs went to sleep when I sat on the toilet too long. He said there will come a day when my legs will just give out and not be able to hold me up. That scared me as did him telling me it was good I caught it early so I could get it repaired. He wants to make sure I don’t end up in a wheelchair. Just the talk of that as a possibility was blindsiding. He didn’t seem to see any hurry at this point with getting the MRI though and told me to pick up the order for that and a mammogram (which I requested) next week when hubby goes back to have his blood pressure checked. So the first few days of vacation I’m processing all this and thinking how serious something to do with your SPINE is and how I shudder at the thought of surgery. Thinking of the risks of paralysis, etc. Then I tried to just go on with life and not dwell on it. I’m not going to jump to conclusions until we get the MRI and find out what’s really going on.

High blood pressure runs in hubby’s family and his mom and siblings are on multiple meds to control it. Hubby’s been on 2 and one of them is not working. The doctor said to get off the Tekturna right away and gave him samples of a new drug. So next Wed. he’s going back to make sure it’s working. My blood pressure was fine. I called yesterday to get our blood test results and my pap smear results. Everything for me was normal. Hubby’s was all normal except the glucose was a little high. So when he goes in on Wed. he’s going to fast and have a glucose test.

It’s going to be a busy couple of weeks ahead. On Monday, I’ve got the dentist. Wed. is Dr. Feelgood. Friday is the dentist for hubby. Sat. June 8th is a housewarming party in Madison, WI for hubby’s niece. Thurs. June 13th at 1 pm is my MRI and the same day at 2:20 pm is my mammogram. So I ended up doing it to myself again. I’m doing 2 things in 1 day to save time but it’ll probably just stress me out. I’ve had the mammogram and it’s no big deal. I’ve never had an MRI but I did have a CAT-scan once on my sinuses.

There are so many other things I want to blog about other than my health woes. But I wanted to catch people up on what’s been going on first. We haven’t even put in our garden yet and it’s almost June! We usually have it in by May 11th or so. It was cold and rainy before we left on vacation and now this weekend is supposed to rain again. We’re going to see if there’s any plants left at the nursery and at least get them purchased. We came home to a pond full of dead fish. Hubby has a koi pond that had about 70 fish. He was going to sell some when we got home. The pump and filter were leaking water into the dirt behind the pond instead of into the pond and most of the water was out, then the pump quit working. We’ve gone away many times and this is the first trip I didn’t worry or think about the fish. When we got home they were strewn around the yard (even on top of the shed) half eaten. At first we thought a wild animal like a raccoon had gotten to them but then figured out it must’ve been large birds like herons. It was a freaking mess. Hubby put them all in a bucket and then he planted them in the garden on Sunday night. He got a rototiller at an estate sale and used that for the first time. Supposedly fish are good fertilizer. He’s going to rototill it again to chop up the fish. A coworker told him her mother used to put fish remnants in a blender and then pour them in the garden. I’m not about to let those fish near my blender! So we’ve got our work cut out for us this weekend. Hopefully next week I can add pictures to this post. I don’t have time for it now.

I Love Being Told I’m Not A Nice Person

almostakiss — Wed, 08 May 2013 17:37:13 +0000

I had been toying with several topics as my next possible blog post but wasn’t fired up enough about any. Then today something happened, an idea presented itself and BOOM, there it was. On the one hand, it was such an unpleasant experience, I don’t know if I want to dwell on it or even ever look back on it. On the other hand, I have no one else to discuss it with so will put it all on here.

My inabilities to deal with situations get me into all kinds of trouble. I was taught a lot in life but obviously not everything. As much as I try to be prepared for any scenario that arises, there is always something I just don’t know the correct way to deal with. I do the best I can but wen in default, I do nothing.

3 times this week, I’ve given directions to drivers in cars while I’m walking my 3 dogs. I don’t mind and it usually makes me feel good to help if I’m familiar with their destination. This would lead you to believe I’m a nice person but you would be wrong. Sometimes walking the dogs is a joy and sometimes it’s a chore. There are a lot of extenuating factors that people can’t see from the outside when looking at me. Like how much stress I’m under from things I’m dealing with at home. If I’m in a hurry and don’t have time for anything extra. How much pain I’m in from my legs. About a block later, I come across a 3 year old girl waiting for me. I said “Oh no! You’re not going to follow me again, are you?” and she said “yes”. I just cringed and then she started in, “Can I pet your dogs?” I want to say it was about a week ago I ran into this same girl. At that time, she started asking me the same thing and I didn’t want to say “No” because with this kid, it wouldn’t stop there. It would be “Why not?” So I didn’t answer her and just kept walking. I just didn’t want to get into a long explanation that I was unsure if a 3 year old could understand. So instead of letting me pass by, the child had kept asking it over and over, “Can I pet your dogs?” She was shouting it and following me around the block. I didn’t know how to handle it that day nor today. The only way I know how to handle it tomorrow is to take a different route and never walk by their house again.

My dogs are wonderful dogs and they are good around other dogs and great around kids. They’ve never bitten anyone and are well socialized. Amber can be shy but she’ll eventually go up to a child but she doesn’t want to be petted by strangers. Ivy and Elvis fall all over anyone who’ll give them attention. They love to be petted and give lots of kisses. It’s no reflection on them that I didn’t want them near this girl. Even though the dogs have been better lately about pulling and I’ve pretty much got it mastered walking them with 2 leashes in my left hand and one in my right, it is still a lot to deal with. I don’t like bringing them up to other dogs when I’m alone either. I don’t mind when hubby is along. There are just so many things that can happen. We’ve been rushed by aggressive dogs without a leash, etc. I try to be courteous and move onto the grass and let walkers have the sidewalk if they’re passing us. I also do the same when encountering other dogs.The main reason I don’t want to let the dogs near a child when I’m alone is because I don’t have a witness. Last week when the child followed me, she was alone. No parent around. All I need is for the kid to SAY she got bit, even if she didn’t and Lord knows what would happen next. I don’t want to put myself in the situation of losing one of my dogs (who are my only kids) because someone lied. Yes, I sound fearful and paranoid but things aren’t the way they used to be. People don’t just blow off things that happen, they get their lawyer on speed dial and sue you. Ok, so I’ve blown the whole thing up in my mind but I’ve heard of things like this happening.

Today when the girl kept saying it, her father came out of the house and we ended up having a “fight”. Not a fistfight but words were exchanged. I was trying to go my merry way when he yells out at the kid, “Stay away from her. Stay away from her. She’s not a nice lady!” OMG. The guy was trying to shame me for not giving in to his kid! He started walking out to the sidewalk where I was and the kid was. He could’ve just called the kid in the house but instead walked out by me to stand his ground. I wouldn’t care if he told the kid that out of my earshot but to shout it across the lawn to make sure I knew what he thought of me. It’s not even that I care what he thinks of me, I just don’t need any additional reasons to feel bad about myself. I told him I didn’t want to have to go into a long explanation about why I wasn’t letting her pet the dogs. I told him they’re good dogs but in this day and age, I didn’t want to get sued. It probably made me come off as a crazy person. He told me I should’ve just told her no but I know it wouldn’t have been the end of it with this kid. This kid already has more self esteem than I ever have. Unless someone is in a business and it’s their job to answer me, I may not like to be ignored but it happens. I don’t keep following the person and say it over and over. The guy and I both tried defending ourselves and he doesn’t understand me anymore than I understand him. I was on the sidewalk, not bothering anybody and yet I need to hear how NOT NICE I AM. I was so upset I was almost in tears. The kid was unfazed. I don’t have kids and don’t always know how to act around them. If this father was this way to me over ignoring his kid, what on earth will he do when his kid is called names? Beaten up? Sworn at? Called fat and ugly? In the rough neighborhood I grew up in, I would’ve been overjoyed to be ignored. If the kid had just said “Hi” to me, I would’ve said hi back. That would’ve been the end of it. Instead, the kid never said anything but “Can I pet your dogs?” in a way that was demanding. If the father hadn’t appeared at the door, things would have played out like last week. Instead, he felt like his child should not be denied anything. That I should drop everything and let his kid have her way. I don’t know which one of the 3 of us is the monster.

Dr. Feelgood

almostakiss — Fri, 03 May 2013 00:03:38 +0000

Yesterday was physically and mentally exhausting for me. I took my mom to the doctor for the first time in 4 years. When she finally agreed to go, I jumped at the chance. I made the appointment a month ago and this was the soonest I could get her in. She just turned 92 last week so I figured it was a good time to check in with the doctor and see what he suggested for 3 medical issues I was concerned about. BTW, when you turn 92, people don’t wish you a “Happy Birthday”, they say, “Congratulations!” I know a lot of people avoid going to the doctor because I’m one of them. I made an appointment for hubby and I for 2 weeks from now. My dad was the opposite and “loved” going to the doctor. He liked the attention and he liked talking to a professional. He wasn’t a hypochondriac or anything, he had genuine medical conditions that needed treatment. He just looked forward to going.

We’ve been going to our Family Practice doctor, Dr. James, since mid-1996. We had moved here the year before and had pored over the big book of doctors the insurance co. had sent us to “pick a doctor”. We didn’t know one from another and just picked the most generic name and hoped for the best. In July 1996, hubby was remodeling our basement and cut his hand with a table saw. (That’s a whole future blog post so I won’t spoil the fun with details now.) He had to get Dr. James (who we’d never met) to refer him to a specialist in the network. At the time, Dr. James was working in our town like a mile away. The convenience was intoxicating. No, not really but I love saying that word. Dr. James was 41 yrs. old at the time (8 years older than me and 6 years older than hubby). He had his hair in a ponytail, wore glasses and just seemed like a cool guy. He loves to talk, like maybe no one else I’ve ever met on earth. No, really, *I* love to talk but he could just talk all day on any subject for hours with just one patient. That’s not a bad thing and it gives him a great rapport with everyone! I used to say to hubby that I’d love to socialize with Dr. J because he seems so fun. Hubby squashed that idea, saying it just wouldn’t be a good idea to socialize with our doctor. Left to my own devices, I might’ve invited him over to a party at our house.

A year or so after we met Dr. J, he moved to an office somewhere in Chicago. We went there once to see him and then the following year he ended up where he’s been ever since 1998 in a south suburb of Chicago. It takes a good half hour of driving from where we live due south to get to the hospital that he has his office in. Come to think of it, we tried a local doctor for 1 time back when he first moved down there since we thought it was too far to go. This local doctor was the opposite of Dr. J. He scared the hell out of me. He immediately lectured me on my weight, told me not to ever bake again or eat certain foods, it just went on and on. When he heard my father’s history with heart disease, he spun into overdrive telling me I would have to change everything in my life if I wanted to live. He told me he wanted to see me again in like 3 mos. I was shaking when I left there. I’m a worrier anyway and didn’t need to have a death sentence put on me. Hubby had been with me and we both agreed that he was not a good fit for us as a doctor. (One of the best things is that hubby and I often go along to the doctor together for moral support and just to be an advocate for the other.) We decided then and there we would follow Dr. J wherever he went and that he was worth the drive.

Dr. J isn’t perfect and having a doctor as laid back as him has had its faults. Like when he doesn’t call back when we call him with emergencies. Or he doesn’t get back to us with test results. Or that one time he prescribed the wrong medicine for my mom. I don’t know how much of that is him and how much of it is incompetent staff. He subscribes to the “First Do No Harm” school of medicine. He often doesn’t touch his patients with a 10 foot pole, or at all, if he can help it. That sounds odd when you think of it but I guess he does something better that not a lot of doctors don’t do: he listens. As much as he loves to talk, he does listen to all your symptoms and complaints. He never tells you when to come back, he lets you decide when you need to come back. He never tells me to get a mammogram, I tell him that I want an order for one and he gives it to me. He never tells me to get a pap smear, I just do it when I can get up the nerve. The only thing he’s ever been firm on with me was making me quit birth control pills when I was 40. He said they’re too dangerous after that age. He made a remark years ago “When in doubt, yank it out.” Of course, all that did was make me say to hubby “got me a rock-n-roll band, it’s a free-for-all!” That’s just what everyone wants, a doctor that channels Ted Nugent.

Getting back to yesterday, I asked him about some treatment for Alzheimer’s / Dementia that Mom has been sliding into the past year. I knew from commercials on tv that the Exelon Patch was an option. He named Aricept and Namenda as other options. Then he told us that they don’t cure, only treat symptoms. He also said that in the past few weeks, it’s been brought to the medical field’s attention that none of them work. They work the same as a placebo. So any help from them would be negligible and he said the side effects are horrible. He read them off to us and I agreed. The side effects could make her sick or even kill her which obviously isn’t what we’re going for here. He said at this point to just keep her safe. She doesn’t wander outside or try to use the stove or oven. He said we shouldn’t expect her to be able to do everything she could 20 years ago. To just let her live her life and do whatever gives her pleasure. If she wants to watch tv all day (she doesn’t) or sit on the porch and watch the flowers, she should be able to. We got discussing food and I said how much hubby and Mom love ice cream and that I limit us to once a week. He said that was right for hubby but Mom could have ice cream every night if she wanted. Just to give her quality of life and keep her happy. He didn’t even do any blood tests on her. He said at her age, it doesn’t really matter. His mother is 90 and her doctor took her off her cholesterol medicine since at her age, it’s just not necessary. A lot of other doctors would run a ton of tests on her and put her on all kinds of medication. I kind of like his minimalist approach. Above all else, he seems to know the value of life and of letting people live their lives with dignity, being themselves and doing what they enjoy. He didn’t tell her she needed to come back either which made her happy.

He gave her some samples of Vesicare to try for incontinence. Also recommended Neosporin for the skin ulcers on her left leg. I had to really keep after him to give her something for the itching. Finally he relented and gave her a script for some pills. They seem to help but make her sleepy. If she’s sleeping, she’s not picking her leg. I’ve lectured her so many times about leaving it alone but it’s either a habit now or it itches so badly that she can’t leave it alone. I’ve done everything short of handcuffing her hand or putting mittens on her so she can’t scratch. It has been so stressful for me for so long because it feels like she doesn’t listen to me. I will tell her to leave it alone and just seconds later, she’ll be at it again. I’ve tried wrapping it and taping it and as soon as I leave the room she’ll tear off the tape and bandage and scratch it. It looks really awful and is now infected. I’m afraid she’ll lose her leg. I’m staying on top of it so hopefully, if I can just get her to leave it alone, it should heal in a few weeks! Yesterday, I got her prescription filled at Jewel and got the Neosporin and she left it alone until this morning. I woke her and then checked on her a few minutes later and she’d already loosened the bandage and dug at it. That undoes all the good work of healing from the previous hours. It’s so frustrating. Tomorrow morning, I’m going to give her one of the anti-itching pills when I wake her up and hope it kicks in before she can do any damage.

We were the first appointment of the day at 10 am. I made sure we got there early at 9:50 am. The doctor was late which isn’t unusual. Mom once had an appt. late in the day and had to wait 3 hours since he was running late! He said he had 2 flat tires so with all the car troubles I’ve had, I could sympathize. We got called into the exam room at 10:45 and he spent close to an hour with us (which is what they booked her for when I made the appt.). When we got out of the room at 11:45 am, I had to go to the bathroom so bad since I had my period. I had the cramps from hell and there was a woman in the 2 stall bathroom on the telephone the whole time talking about magnolia trees. The other stall had a woman with 3 small kids. I was getting so overheated too (it was in the 80′s) and just generally felt sick. Got out of the bathroom at noon, drove back to our town to the pharmacy and it was 1 pm before we got home. I hadn’t walked the dogs yet and was going to before lunch but I was too exhausted. I did it later at 4:30 pm after I got my second wind. I was so tired and I had to make our lunch. I feel like I’m still recovering from yesterday. I’m just SO glad it’s over.

File This Under Bullshit

almostakiss — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:20:16 +0000

Every week there’s something that throws us off our game. As some would say, “God has a sense of humor.” I need to write a post on religion and God since I’ve got kind of a weird take on the whole thing. In the mean time, I’ll just say I like to believe that God has better things to do than mess with our lives and sit back and laugh.

2 months ago we went through the ordeal of switching our insurance–the whole she-bang of house, 2 cars and RV. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to change things because I just KNOW I’m going to have problems. Like if I move a chair to a different location, the leg will fall off. Better to leave it where it is. Better to pay more for insurance than risk being toyed with by a nationally known company. Basically, this is living in fear and accepting that what you know is less scary than what you don’t know. So we’d had the same insurance for years (I detailed this all in my post 2 months ago “One part snow, 99 parts chaos”) and it was hubby’s idea to switch. We managed to choose AAA and feel “fairly good” about the decision and the savings. We were hoping not to even think about it again for many years (with the exception of paying when the premium comes due).

Since I obviously don’t know how to make a long story short, last Monday (April 22nd) we got a notice (actually 2) from AAA in the mail. Hubby brought it in when he got home from work. So we didn’t even get to greet each other and he handed me the mail. I saw the first notice, opened it and then yelped, “they’re raising the insurance on the 2 cars and RV by $35!” All it said for a reason was “Rating Factor Adjustment”. You could see the wheels turning in both our minds, we haven’t had any accidents or tickets and the vehicles are getting older. We were both worked up about that and he immediately got on the phone with AAA but the underwriters were gone for the day already. Meanwhile, I opened the 2nd notice and about fainted! AAA was cancelling our house insurance as of May 24th! How on earth could this be?! Reading further, all it said was because of a dog. When we first signed up, they told us someone would drive by to look at the house. They wouldn’t need to come in, just look around outside. I was looking for them steady for the 2 weeks after we signed up and no sign. We both forgot about it until we got this notice. Hubby talked to one of the guys on the phone and he said the car rates going up had nothing to do with the house insurance being cancelled but he couldn’t give us a reason WHY they had gone up. As for WHY we had gotten cancelled, the records showed the underwriter had come to the house and “heard” an aggressive dog. He didn’t SEE one. Ok, we have 3 dogs, 2 weigh 21 lbs., the other weighs 23 lbs. None of them are aggressive. One barks but only at first, one can’t bark and one is deaf. None are the breeds that are on the banned list like pitbulls. They are all good dogs that are fine around people and most other dogs. We’ve had dogs for the entire time we’ve lived here and in 17+ years, none have ever bitten anyone. A few weeks ago, we had the Directv guy in our house for 2 hours and the dogs were fine! Today, the meter reader for the gas co. came inside and I took him into the basement and the dogs were inside and loose and just fine. So we can’t figure out where the AAA guy got the idea that any of our dogs were aggressive. The oddest thing is he never knocked on the door or called either our home phone or cell phone. He could have met the dogs and seen for himself if he was worried. To think that a company just cancels a policy without even a phone call letting you know what the problem was and seeing if it could be rectified. How unprofessional.

On top of all this, hubby and I were worried that we would have to appeal this which involves a lot of paperwork and who knows what else. If we let it stand, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to get house insurance elsewhere after you tell them you got cancelled! Plus the rates would be astronomical. Hubby was told to email the company and tell them that none of the dogs had ever bitten anyone or had any special training to attack people. He did it and in the meantime, we got another notice saying that we were going to be cancelled and get X amount of money back. Finally on Friday, the guy from AAA hubby was working with called to say it was taken care of and we won’t be dropped. Now of course we’re wondering if after May 24 a refund check will show up in the mail and we’ll have to deal with this over again. I feel like we can never relax and breathe easy and think that things are taken care of because time after time, we find out nothing is ever over!

Today we got a notice saying our car and RV insurance rate is going back down…Oy vey. Now we’re wondering if we want to stay long term with a company like this or if we’re going to have to switch again in Sept. In either case, I don’t want to think about it anymore. The worst thing about this whole ordeal was how we ended up fighting because hubby got so mad and stressed out. I was stressed out too but he lashes out at me which takes awhile for me to get over. You’d think after almost 28 years together we’d have figured out how to get along under the worst of circumstances. For the most part, we get along great. It’s when problems arise that it puts wear and tear on our relationship. We no longer fight when the basement floods so there’s that.

Fishing With No Bait

almostakiss — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:32:35 +0000

As if trying to make up for the weekend before, this weekend we squeezed in a lot of fun. We manage to do our treasure hunting about every other weekend and we’d skipped the previous one to deal with the flooding. This weekend there were 3 estate sales in our town, like a mile from our house. With the gas a ridiculous $4.19 a gallon (higher than the rest of the country), we try to stick close to home.

Souvenir postcard and tickets from Riverview Amusement Park in Chicago 1904-1967

When people ask us what our weekend hobby is, I may have to say we’ve taken up SALE-ing! It sounds much more pretentious than going to tag sales. Both hubby and I have gotten good at negotiating prices. A lot of times the prices marked are firm, at least on the first day. Frequently, the 2nd day everything is half off. Of course, usually the best stuff is gone the first day so it’s rare to get anything outstanding at a discount. I just know when I’m finagling for a deal, never to insult anyone by offering too low. Sometimes the prices are already good, other times they are retail prices and we have to pass. Being nice goes a long way and if I can get a few dollars off here or there, it makes us both feel good. I’ve also learned to know when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up. It never hurts to ask if there’s any movement on the price. If you don’t ask, they don’t offer. I used to ask “There’s a whole stack of old postcards that aren’t marked, would you be able to sell them all for X dollars?” Now I ask the same except I don’t throw out a number figure and see what they come up with. I got a stack of 100 postcards for $5 a few weeks ago and Friday I got a stack for $4. Little things like that leave me tickled pink!

Vintage Sewing Basket

I’m kind of in a quandry because we don’t *need* any of the stuff we’re purchasing. It’s more fascination with unique things that we may never see again. This is in direct conflict with my desire to declutter and simplify my life. We just threw out a ton of stuff from the basement that got water damaged so we made room. However we’ve got a pact that we won’t be taking one more thing into the basement ever again. I wonder how long that will last.

Our finds for this week included: a plastic 2 gallon watering can for $1, a framed postcard and tickets from Riverview Amusement Park in Chicago for $8, a little painted metal frog for the garden for $2, a bar of Clinique facial soap with soap dish for $3, Royal Haeger pink and blue peacock vase for $16, an adorable pink sewing basket with all the contents for $12, a small metal camel for $4, 4 handpainted owl letter openers, ginormous coffee cup and saucer that’s actually a planter (pre-drilled hole in bottom of cup) for $8 and the piece de resistance: a 6 1/2 foot long sailfish! It is proudly displayed in our upstairs hallway. It’s hard to find room for something that big but it is just outstanding to look at. This pirate life is starting to get interesting!

Sailfish

Not My First Rodeo…or Flood

almostakiss — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 22:55:00 +0000

We’d been looking forward to a fun weekend and had just the opposite happen. Unless you call having your basement flooded fun. In that case, we had a blast! The best time ever. Not. We’ve lived here since Sept. 1995, long enough to have lived through this horrendous experience not once, not twice but probably a dozen times. I used to be able to recite the month and year of each flood we’d had here. That was until the 6th or 8th time and then I lost track. Now it doesn’t really matter how many times it’s happened. It just sucks.

We woke up to a flooded backyard

Nothing is as devastating as your first flood. Ours was the end of March 1996. I don’t believe in the theory that 3 bad things happen in a row but it would seem true in this case. Within a few short weeks that month, 3 life changing things happened. 1.) My hubby was demoted from the job we’d moved here for (at headquarters) to being back on the road. 2.) Our only dog at the time, Nookie, had to be put to sleep and I had to do it alone since hubby was gone. 3.) Our basement flooded while hubby was gone on the road. At the time, I’d lived 33 years of my life and had never lived in a home that had gotten a drop of water in the basement. It really wasn’t given a second thought when it rained. If anything, we had to worry about placing pots and pans all over because the roof leaked. At the time we were told it was a “hundred year flood”. It’s amazing how many of those we’ve had in the 17 years since. I wouldn’t wish flooding on anyone, it is just one of nature’s cruel tricks.

Instant swimming pool next door

We had moved here and stored a lot of stuff in the basement which is typical. Our house is only 1189 sq. feet so it’s small by a lot of standards. The first time it flooded, I was literally sick at everything we lost. I’d kept my favorite books and hubby had made 2 hutch type bookshelves which he hadn’t hung yet. They were just sitting on the floor until we decided where to put them. Paper doesn’t fare well in water, neither does cardboard. Wood isn’t much better. Along with the tears and gnashing of teeth, so much had to be thrown out. I’m not the type of person to throw things out so it hurt like 100 times as much. Stuffed animals, record albums, mementoes from childhood, pictures, so much more. Things that hold memories, things that can’t be replaced. I’m not going to inventory everything I lost then or now because it’s just too painful. Some things you don’t even know you had so you don’t really miss them. Other things you just want to hold onto even if you don’t look at them everyday. Then there’s the things you got rid of after the water damage and to this day you mourn their passing. I’m not even THAT material of a person, yet it still hurts.

Instant lake in other next door neighbor’s yard

Each time we have to deal with the hassle on top of the loss. There’s an emotional cost, a monetary cost and then the loss of time and effort to try to bring the space back to a state that won’t offend the senses when you descend the basement steps. It never gets any easier to have it flood. We’ve learned some things but apparently not others. Many times we’ve been warned by the weather forecast of “possible flooding” only to pick everything up off the floor or carry a ton of stuff upstairs only to have no water come in. Sure that’s a good thing but it still puts your nerves through the wringer for nothing. The worst floods we’ve had, we were given NO warning by the weatherman. There’s been times we’ve gotten a little water (an inch or two) and then times we’ve gotten 18″ or more. There’s been times we’ve caught it in time. Like once it was 9:30 pm and we saw the water start to come in so we carried everything upstairs in time.

Oakton St. in Des Plaines, IL 2 days after the flood–submerged car

The worst has to be when you lose appliances. Three times, we’ve had to replace our hot water heater. The last time it happened, we got a tankless hot water heater. Not because we wanted constant hot water or the latest thing but because it was the only unit available off the floor. It sits on the wall and it is the ONLY thing I don’t worry about when we flood. Of course it cost like $2,100 which I would never pay under other circumstances. It beats having to go without hot water for a week at a time and replacing it every few years. We’ve also had to replace the washing machine. We’ve been lucky that everything else has kept working. Sadly, this extra expense every few years keeps us from ever getting ahead.

Oakton St. in
Des Plaines
2 days after the flood–underwater city

People suggest moving and we’ve thought about it. It just isn’t feasible for many reasons right now. A lot of our neighbors have invested in flood prevention systems that cost $10,000 or more and they still flood. It’s so depressing. We had a carpet installed with no pad many years ago in the basement. Everyone else in the neighborhood gets a nice thick pad and then has to tear it up and put it out at the curb every time it floods. Instead, we use our Bissel rug cleaner to suck up any remaining water in the carpet, then let it almost completely air dry and shampoo it. It’s worked well that way. The fact that the basement keeps flooding keeps me from ever wanting to invest more money in the house via improvements or remodeling. Hubby knows I want a bigger kitchen but spending $30,000 for that and still having a basement that floods is not the solution.

If our house was bigger, we woudn’t put ANYTHING down there. It would be that simple. Instead we still end up having things down there that get wet. We learned early on not to store things like extra toilet paper or paper towels, etc, down there. All we can do now is not get too upset when it happens and deal with it methodically.

Teens carrying kayak

This past Wednesday night’s flood was the first EVER that the ENTIRE Chicago area was hit. Usually it’s just in the Northern suburbs (by us) or the South suburbs or up by the WI state line or the Western suburbs. This time it hit everyone, everywhere. Even in the city, it got so bad they were rescuing people from their homes by boat. They closed the schools on Thursday and Friday. On Friday, I saw 2 teens carrying a kayak, probably out to ride the waves on the streets of Park Ridge! The rivers have all reached historic heights and overflowed, closing streets in every town/city for days. Watching it on the news, it seems surreal. Even though misery loves company, it doesn’t lesson the pain knowing that others have flooded too. I’m including some photos. I would have taken more but we were told to stay off the roads and we obliged.

One man’s flood damage is another man’s garbage

We have to be thankful for small favors like having electricity this time. That makes life and cleaning up after a disaster much better. The last time it flooded was July 2011 and hubby was gone to Indiana for work. The day he left it happened and he was gone for 3 days and we were then without electricity for 3 days. I was home trying to get the water out of the basement and running to the gas station for gas to run the generator. We had just gotten it the month before when we’d lost power for 2 days. It’s only big enough to hook the freezer, refrigerator and one tv up to but it helped.

Thrown out across the street after flood

We were planning to go on our first mini-vacation of the year this week and cancelled it. We wanted to go away for 3 nights up to Green Bay, WI to celebrate my mom turning 92 tomorrow. Instead we’ll be making the most of it here. Too much to do yet to leave town plus this year’s Spring is so late getting here, I was afraid we’d freeze if we went now.

Carpeting ruined down the street

Our next door neighbor’s had twins about a month ago. I can remember when the nice young couple moved in–back in Aug. 2008. The reason it’s so easy for me to remember? Because we (and they) flooded right after they moved in…like the next day. What a sorry welcome. Now they’ve got 2 babies and have flooded again (also in between the 2 times but who’s counting). My most recent amusement is saying “Baby’s First _____”. I am speaking now of Baby singular, not plural and I don’t say this to anyone outside of hubby (and now the entire Internet). Like “Baby’s First Buffet”, “Baby’s First Leaf Blower” and now “Baby’s First Flood.” I guess you had to be there. It’s only funny if your sense of humor hasn’t been drowned in a flood.

Evil Walks Among Us

almostakiss — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 17:21:34 +0000

As anyone who’s read my blog lately knows, I’ve been thinking way too much about death lately. Then Monday’s bombing at the Boston Marathon happened and rocked the whole world again but especially social media. 3 dead and 183 injured. This is the world we live in now. Collectively, as a country, we get attacked from the outside by foreign terrorists and from the inside by domestic terrorists (aka mentally ill anarchists). People laughed years ago when George W. Bush labeled them “evil-doers” but it’s not funny now. What better way to describe someone that’s sole goal in life is to do evil to their fellow man. As a peaceful person, I can’t wrap my head around that way of thinking. I believe in “live and let live.” I keep an open mind but don’t want to be converted to an organization or God not of my choosing. Likewise, I don’t force my beliefs on others. To put it simply, it’s about respect for your fellow man. A lot of people have told me they don’t give respect to anyone until it’s earned. I’m quite the opposite. I respect every single person on this earth, until they give me a reason not to. I respect their personal property enough to treat it as if it were my own and not steal or destroy it. I respect that they like different things than I do. We don’t all have to like the same tv show, type of jewelry, hair color, style of dress, food, etc. I respect human beings enough to treat them as living, breathing souls capable of being hurt emotionally and physically. I go out of my way NOT to hurt anyone. I don’t wish anyone pain. I hold the door for someone instead of letting it drop on them. If they drop something, I pick it up and hand it to them. If I bump them, I say “excuse me.” There are a million examples I could give but I just let people “be.” I appreciate it when they do the same. It comes down to the fact that we all judge each other. We may try not to but we still do. That’s ok. We can watch the people of Wal-Mart videos and comment that we’d never go out of the house looking like that. We can pass judgement but we can’t show our displeasure by blowing people up. It’s barbaric. It’s like something out of the dark ages when people didn’t know better. I thought we knew better now.

I can understand not agreeing with a political party or a religion. I can’t understand the need to prove your opinion is the only one that counts by killing and maiming others. There are so many other options. People can argue and protest which isn’t my choice. Someone can start a blog touting their unpopular views. They can move to another country. My personal favorite is to believe whatever you want to believe and shut the hell up. Freedom of speech is all well and good but sometimes it is destructive and inflammatory. Going on a tirade against a particular race, ethnicity or sexual orientation only convinces people that you’re an unhinged fanatic.

As hard as we’ve tried, we can’t change the world. We gave our all to Iraq and Afghanistan only to realize that certain parts of the world don’t want to change. They like their extremist views and enjoy hating us. They can hate us as long as they leave us alone. We didn’t leave them alone but we meant well. That should count for something. We’ve gotten used to the climate change in America where we need to be constantly on guard and vigilant where our country’s safety is concerned. Yet we can’t read minds and predict when and if there is someone out there wishing to do us harm. We don’t even know who was responsible for this latest attack.

America always does a great job banding together after a tragedy. We saw the resolve and spirit of the American people after 9/11. It gave us hope for all of mankind that people were so willing to help others and grieve as a nation. I’d wish we never had another incident of terrorism anywhere in the USA or the world. But that would be as foolish as wishing it never rained hard enough to flood my basement again. I know that will happen since it’s happened at all times of the year, during predicted and unexpected storms. I just can’t ever know when. All we can do is be ready. The same goes for the security of our country.

Not to downplay foreign terrorists, who in their own right are scary as hell, but the homegrown terrorists scare me even more. They grew up right in our midst. They are like us yet obviously something went haywire. The fact that someone could be raised with all the advantages of growing up in America and end up causing the type of death and destruction we’ve seen at grade schools and movie theaters is mind boggling. I honestly don’t think guns are THE problem. Guns are A problem but not responsible for the actions of deranged psychopaths. There are violent video games and violent tv shows but I don’t know if that’s the problem either. Somewhere as a country we’ve gone wrong. Anyone who wants to do harm to their fellow man will find a way. We need to find a way to keep people from wanting to harm each other in the first place. I believe it starts by teaching everyone respect for their fellow human beings from the earliest age. That one person is not better than another. That we all deserve to be able to go about our business, live our lives, without the risk of being blown up.

Serious As A Heart Attack: A Cautionary Tale

almostakiss — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 02:04:46 +0000

Death keeps creeping into my mind and into the corners of my life. Friday night before bedtime, I got the news of another death. My friend Lisa in Mississippi lost her son on Thursday when a tornado struck his workplace. He was 28 years old and the eldest of her 2 boys. This is such a freak accident. It was the only reported death in the whole state from the storms that day. I googled to find out more info. His funeral was this afternoon. I’m trying not to be obsessed with death but death seems to be brushing up against me. Edging ever closer, the older I get. I didn’t sleep well Friday night because I just couldn’t get Lisa and her family out of my mind.

Yesterday (Sat.) I made a sympathy card on the computer first thing and was addressing it. Hubby walks up to me and says, “You’re such a nice person.” He always says it like it surprises him or shocks him. I asked him why and he said “because you’re always thinking of others.” I really wanted to call Lisa but figured she had a whole group of people (she lives in a small town) surrounding her now and she’d appreciate the call more later after some time has passed. I was lamenting to hubby about “why do all these deaths affect me so much?”. His answer? “Because you’re such a sensitive person.” I’ve always been this way. I agonize over things that happen to me AND everybody else. I always put myself in everyone else’s shoes and try to imagine what they’re going through. In a lot of cases, I can’t know but I can TRY. I’ve made a career out of empathy. A lot of times I wish I wasn’t so sensitive. It makes life a lot tougher.

As I’ve said before, I avoid talking about death, if I can. I don’t think about what kind of shape I’ll be in when my mom dies. Or what would become of me if hubby died. Or if he died while we were on vacation, how I’d manage. While we were out walking the dogs yesterday morning, hubby brought it up, saying we should talk about it. He said if anything happened to me, he’d make sure to take care of my mom. I knew that but it was still reassuring to hear. Then I mentioned how if I died, his family would be by the day they heard to help him get rid of my stuff. He said it would make him mad if that happened. Then I went on a tirade about if I died, I’d hope that he wouldn’t get a lot of emails and cards from people telling him what a good person I was and how much people loved me. That would make me so angry but I’d be dead so I guess it wouldn’t matter. Then I said, “I think anyone would appreciate being told that while they’re alive. It does no good to say it after the person has passed away.” No sooner were the words out of my mouth and then I had a heart attack. No joke. As suddenly as anything could happen, it happened. I didn’t feel well. I had a severe pain in the center of my chest. I just felt like I had to sit down. It was 37 degrees out and snowing and I wasn’t about to sit on the sidewalk. So we kept walking. I didn’t say anything. That’s how my hubby knew something was wrong. I just shut up. I am a chatterbox so it brings a red flag when I’m quiet. I tried walking slow, stopping and leaning against a tree, etc. Nothing helped. I kept walking because I didn’t want to believe it wouldn’t pass, whatever it was. I like to believe I’m strong and can power through anything. I didn’t think it was a heart attack. I thought you had pain on your left side where your heart is or up and down your left arm. I wasn’t exactly short of breath. I’ve only had heartburn once in my life and this felt like that only much worse. I’ve had one panic attack in my life which kind of felt like that. So I told hubby I didn’t feel good and what the pain was like. He walked next to me and I could just tell he was ready to call 911 if I passed out. He knew better than to hover over me. So we walked super slow and stopped at times. I felt like I was getting worse so finally told him I wanted to cut the walk short and go home. I could barely make it home. As cold as it was, I started to sweat and even got lightheaded. I took a couple baby aspirin and went to sit down. It finally passed after a few minutes but I felt weak. I tried to talk myself into that it was a panic attack since I’d been upset after talking about death. I googled symptoms and when I saw that the pain could be in the center of your chest, I steeled myself. I don’t need any lectures on going to the ER. I probably should have gone and I will if I have anything similar happen again. I’m not saying this to get attention. I don’t like talking about myself but I don’t mind writing about myself. It makes me wonder how many other women are in denial or unsure of what they’re feeling. Logic says I should go get checked out but I’m ok now. I don’t know for sure I had a heart attack. I don’t know if I want to know if I did.

It’s been over 3 years since I’ve gone to the doctor. I see the dentist every 6 months. After my last health ordeal years ago, I thought I’d be better about going to the doctor. The fatter I get, the less I want to go. April 8th I finally called to make a doctor’s appt. for a pap smear and to find out what the weird pain in my legs is. The soonest I could get in was May 15th. For someone who wants to get death off their mind, this isn’t helping. I had forgotten that Rosie O’Donnell had a heart attack after turning 50. A woman I know on Twitter (a nurse) had a heart attack a few years ago, at age 50. I never really thought of 50 as the age your body decides to break down. I have a double dose of heart disease running through my family tree from both parents. My mom has congestive heart failure and my dad had a couple heart attacks and was one of the first in the country to get new heart valves and have a heart bypass. He had been operated on at the Mayo Clinic in the 1970′s. But he had smoked. I don’t smoke. I know from now on, I’ll have to watch myself. Instead of leaving everything to chance.

I don’t know what purpose it serves for me to write this except maybe to document that it happened. My mom always said “I’m going to live until I die anyway.” Which never made sense to me until now.

Death doesn’t take a vacation. Or a holiday. Or a long weekend. Every day, with so many people dying, we have to count ourselves lucky if we’re not one of them. We also have to count ourselves blessed each day that passes where our loved ones are not taken by death through all the possible ways that lives can end. We shouldn’t dwell on death, nor should we ignore it. We need to give it respect and a wide berth.