Below is the post I wrote on 12/12/12. I had something else I published around that time so was going to wait a few days to post this. Then the Newtown, CT tragedy happened. At that point, I didn’t want to post anything. Everything seemed so trivial to what the families of those children were dealing with. The country as a whole was wrapped up in what had transpired to the point of not having much interest in a nything else.I didn’t want to write a post about the shooting and its aftermath because there were thousands of others doing that already and much better than I could. There are so many blogs out there that delve deeply into painful subjects to the point where I get depressed and tearful reading them. It’s almost exhausting for me to invest so much emotionally in the painmongering bloggers. I never want my blog to be a downer for people. I want it to be food for thought, not make you feel like your heart’s been ripped from your chest.
I have a million other posts on my brain that are more timely or that I wanted to write before the year comes to a close. Instead I find myself fired up enough to write about Narcissism. I’m using a capital N because a small n just won’t show how big of a deal this is. My online dictionary app defines the noun as: an exceptional interest in and admiration for yourself. This has reached epic proportions in our society. I was taught that everyone should love themselves. I don’t and never have. I can like parts of myself and maybe love things I’ve accomplished but I have never been able to love myself. It’s not anyone’s fault that I can’t except maybe my own. I’m not bringing this up now to delve into the depths of my soul to uncover why I don’t love myself. That’s for another post.
Instead I want to marvel at how others are able to so easily love themselves. First off, I think having a blog is a form of self-love. A person has to think they have something worthy for others to read. So with the number of blogs out there, there’s a healthy appreciation for just about every blogger’s writing skills, sense of humor, ability to turn a phrase, bring out the pain from their past or the optimism to look for the best in every situation. That’s not really at issue here either. Even if a person dwells exclusively on their own feelings, activities, opinions, that doesn’t make them a narcissist in my eyes. To me, I have never had the level of self-confidence where I seek out attention on my looks. Part of this is from being fat all my life. I’ve never reached my goal weight but have come close. I feel like the same person no matter what. On Instagram and Twitter, there is a constant stream of self portraits (selfies) flooding in. I understand people wanting to document where they are and what they’re doing at all times. It’s a sign of the times. It’s the constant barrage of pictures taken in a bathroom mirror or while sitting in the car, etc. It’s like bragging. Some of the people that do this I do find beautiful. Others could not be considered attractive by any measure. Yet they all think they need to be seen every 10 minutes. I don’t think I’m jealous per se. Maybe just jealous that they have such a high opinion of themselves. I happen to think there’s nothing more beautiful than someone who doesn’t know they’re beautiful. They don’t flaunt their looks, they just live and people notice.
This isn’t a complaint as much as it is commentary on the importance of looks in our society. People no longer dress up like they once did yet I swear they have more self-esteem than any generation before them. In a world that can be cruel and judgemental, I guess it’s good that people are tooting their own horns. To a degree! I’m not a vain person by any stretch and sure wouldn’t want to ever be described as shallow. Nowadays I wonder if being shallow is considered a bad thing anymore. People seem to not hide their vanity or be ashamed at how superficial they are. Remember how it counts just as much what’s inside a person as outside? If we could take a picture of what’s in our hearts and the goodness inside us, would people still post a million pictures even if the contents of their souls were empty? Maybe everyone thinks they’re good looking even if they’re not. Sure, looks are subjective. What one person thinks is beautiful, someone else might be repulsed by. Maybe everyone thinks they’re a good person, even if they’re not. Like pedophiles, arsonists, rapists, murderers, etc. all thinking they are deep down a good person. I’m not buying it. If they do, they’re delusional. Maybe as far as looks go, I need to let people be delusional about how good they look. Instead of writing a blog post, just unfollow them.
I don’t want people I follow or the people I like on Instagram to think I’m talking about them. From what I’ve noticed over the years, the ones who get overly sensitive when you complain about something are the ones who aren’t doing it! The ones who do it will not think I’m talking about them! In any case, when someone takes a nice picture of themselves on Instagram, I “like” it if I think they look nice. I give compliments freely, when in the mood. I don’t know if that’s part of why people are putting self-portraits on there. If they are itching for compliments. The ones who get the most are probably giving the least. I think everyone who gets one compliment should have to give 2! To anyone. If you don’t get any, you have to give 3. I’m not talking fake compliments, I’m talking genuine. You can find something you like about someone else, can’t you?! If not, you might be a narcissist. 
Anyway, I need to get in and get a new prescription in the next few months. At least something went right and I passed! I then had to go wait in line at the cashier and pay my $30 renewal fee. Then wait in line to be sent over to the seating area for photography. There was only one open seat there so I sat squished in with a bunch of people and waited. They called us up in groups of 8 people to stand while they had one person at a time sit in front of a blue background. I didn’t wear any jewelry because I didn’t want to worry about the earrings while I was getting a haircut but it would’ve been nice to have some on for the picture. Thankfully, my new license is good until 2016 and hopefully longer! The last time I’d gotten my pic taken there was 8 years ago. 4 years ago they had let me renew through the mail. I paid and they sent me a sticker that I affixed to the back of the license to extend the expiration date another 4 years. All this because I was a Safe Driver and their facility is overcrowded.
