My Doppelganger Has Been Busy!
August 26, 2013 by almostakiss
Today I was able to move about freely without feeling like I was going to “hit the floor”. Not the fun kind of “hit the floor” like Flo Rida and the Apple Bottom Jeans song, either. I made it to physical therapy and was evaluated on my range of motion movements compared to my first visit. I gained 10% on most things and only 3% more on standing up and bending backwards. My spine only bends at the top, not the bottom. I’m hoping I will continue not only to maintain but improve my flexibility. My physical therapist is putting together an exercise plan for me that she’ll give me Wed. that I can continue with. She’s also allowing me to have rest days instead of doing the exercises every single day. I’m kind of gung ho and when I commit to something, I don’t waver unless I have a setback like being sick. Then all bets are off. Anyway, I’m going to continue but be less rigid and listen to my body more. She asked me about my pain level and I realized it is much less. It actually helped taking it easy this week and not going full bore. I can do everything with less pain and also am not as stiff.
As I’ve mentioned before, my husband and I have gotten into what I call Treasure Hunting. It’s going to estate sales and looking through other people’s crap for something of worth for cheap. It’s such an odd, eclectic (kind words) group of people who do this. I guess that makes me one of them! A lot of them are older people and foreigners. Not to lump everyone in together but a lot of foreigners are cheap and know a good bargain. I can’t fault them for this. I’m inherently cheap but not enough to make it on Extreme Cheapskates yet. The day I start saving my urine in bottles to save on flushing the toilet, I invite you to shoot me in the head.
If we go early to the estate sales, we have to wait in line and then they give out numbers a half hour or hour before opening. We’ve done both where we’ve gone early (never early enough to be first) but often just stroll over about an hour after it starts. If you go early, there’s a chance you’ll get something really good. There’s also a chance that the first person will take whatever you’re interested in and you did it all for nothing. When we’ve gone later, we’ve still found really good stuff, just not often. It’s a crapshoot. Anyway, we’ve been doing this since Spring and not every weekend. Then there’s some weekends that we go to only one sale and get nothing or go all weekend and come back empty handed. We are really selective about what we get. We only get cool things we like and haven’t seen before. We also won’t pay a ton for anything. So if we love it but the price is retail, we pass. We are finally running out of wall space and so have to be really picky if we get anything else.
The first several months it was like a clique with the people showing up outside these places to wait. They all knew each other and would only talk amongst themselves. Now the past month or so, we have struck up several conversations with some of the people. There’s this one older gentleman who must be about 86 and has a strong accent. I’d guess he’s from Czechoslovakia or Hungary. The guy is a hoot! He comes up to us telling the lamest jokes you’ve ever heard. “What is the first thing you take off of a naked woman?” “A naked man.” Ok, so the guy is creepy too but as long as he doesn’t touch me, I’m fine. The last few times we’ve seen him, he tells my husband, “Next time, I buy your wife!” He thinks this is funny. It was mildly amusing the first time. Not after as many times as I’ve heard it. I would give anything to be quick with a reply. It took me an hour after this happened on Sat. to think of the perfect response. It had me laughing out loud and when I told hubby, he laughed too. He doesn’t humor me if he doesn’t think I’m funny. So next time he offers to buy me, I will say in a thick foreign accent, “You think I prostitute?” Saying this as a noun, not a verb. Because I’m sorry, that’s the way foreigners talk. SOME foreigners. My favorite foreigners are the ones you can’t tell are foreigners because they speak better English than I do. I want to hug them all because you can just tell they appreciate being here. I think it’s wonderful that they embrace their culture and heritage but the best thing would be for them to learn English so they can really share their homeland and ethnicity with us. I’ve always thought speaking a foreign language others don’t understand is selfish. It’s exactly like whispering. People can’t hear what your saying and it’s exclusionary. Keeping others in the dark is unacceptable. I’m all for dual language households. In fact, I marvel at anyone who learns more than one language and the earlier you start, the better. I just think that you can speak English in public and whatever you choose in the privacy of your own home. I’ll probably be stoned for this opinion but I stand behind it.
I sure got off on a tangent there. I’m definitely going to say that to the old man if he tries to buy me again. I may also ask, “How much?” The other funny thing I heard this weekend was when my husband asked a guy, “Do you work here?” and the guy replied, “I’ve been accused of that.” As a rule, we try to only go to the estate sales that are in our town or neighboring suburbs. They are all over the Chicagoland area, up to an hour away but that’s not worth our while or gas money. Sometimes we venture into Chicago itself but not more than 6 miles. There was an ad for a Vintage Collectible Shop going out of business. So we took the drive into the city and it looked like a fly by night place. They didn’t have much merchandise and only some of it was old. Not much had a price marked on it. We bought nothing but I had the best laugh I’ve had in ages. I saw a painting on the wall that could’ve been of me! It’s a nude brunette woman, shown from the back, standing in a bathroom. It was like looking in a mirror. I’m not one to go for nudes hanging in my house or I would’ve inquired on the price. My husband didn’t get the same kick out of it as I did. I took a picture with my iPhone and was going to Instagram it but then IG was acting up. I looked it up online and it’s a reproduction painting by artist Fernando Botero from Columbia. He has a ton of other famous paintings with this fat woman (aka my doppelganger) and other fat women doing different things. I couldn’t get it out of my head and remarked about it to my hubby. Online they sell for about $200+ which is more than I’d pay. If I could’ve gotten it for $50 or less, I might’ve gotten it. I said to hubby, “Where would we hang it if we got it? It’s not right for the living room.” He answered, “On the refrigerator.” He told me that I’m not even close to that big, that the woman in the picture is the size of the 2 of us put together. It’s crazy that that’s how I see myself. If I look in the mirror at the back of me, that’s what I see. TMI, I know. If I look at myself naked from the front, I throw up. If I got that painting, I’d be inclined to tell everyone that I’d been the model for it. I never thought I could be a model before but now I’m wondering. Maybe if I contact the artist, he will consider using me for his future work. Heh. Actually, that’s the closest you’ll ever get to seeing a naked picture of me. You’re welcome.